Feb 22, 2005
Feb 11, 2005
I have a reader...still
Even after the weeks I go without posting, some kind stalker continues to read my posts and take to heart the bullshit i spew out...
All I have to say is stalk away
(Just keep 500 yards away from me at all times, and the internet is good for you, gives you all the vitamins you need to keep you healthy wealthy and wise...except vitamin THC...)
Peace,
Sprint
All I have to say is stalk away
(Just keep 500 yards away from me at all times, and the internet is good for you, gives you all the vitamins you need to keep you healthy wealthy and wise...except vitamin THC...)
Peace,
Sprint
Feb 10, 2005
A new challenge
This Valentines day presents a new challenge for me, one I have been gearing for since freshman year, I am going to ask the girl of my dreams to prom. Yes, I have had a crush on her since i first laid eyes on her, but I have never mustered the nuts to actually ask her on a date, which is a first to me, since I am usually outgoing and have no problems asking out beautiful girls.
She is just insanely hot, all state tennis, shy, quiet, and smart...the perfect girl basically, this is my plan so far....
1)I wrote a Valentines Day candy gram for her to meet me at the school tennis courts at 3:10.
2)I am dressing up in a dress shirt, tie and slacks.
3) I am giving her a flower of some sort, my date comittee and I have decided on tulips.
4) I am giving her the flower, then saying something along the lines of "May I have the honor of escorting you to prom?"
Basically she is going to shoot me down like the Red Baron, but hey, its all good...
I will save money on prom and do something useful with it, like buy food, will prom keep you alive?
I don't think so.
Wish me luck,
Sprint
She is just insanely hot, all state tennis, shy, quiet, and smart...the perfect girl basically, this is my plan so far....
1)I wrote a Valentines Day candy gram for her to meet me at the school tennis courts at 3:10.
2)I am dressing up in a dress shirt, tie and slacks.
3) I am giving her a flower of some sort, my date comittee and I have decided on tulips.
4) I am giving her the flower, then saying something along the lines of "May I have the honor of escorting you to prom?"
Basically she is going to shoot me down like the Red Baron, but hey, its all good...
I will save money on prom and do something useful with it, like buy food, will prom keep you alive?
I don't think so.
Wish me luck,
Sprint
Dec 25, 2004
Christmas haul...
Well, one more Christmas has come and gone and amazingly I survived being a cheapskate for one more year, I spent a whopping.... 0$ on gifts this year, instead I picked out gifts for other people and my parents bought them. Now if only I can get them to do that for the next 20 years I will be in pretty good shape during the holiday season until age 36...
The real reason I took precious time out of my poker playing was to brag about all the wonderful things I got, which was really one semi-decent guitar, and some clothing...but on with the list:
Guitar 'Kit': Included off brand semi-decent Strat based guitar/amp...actually the coolest gift I got, I now own an electric guitar, and can finally improve my skills thanks to my wicked awesome brother...It wins the "Best Gift" award...
Generic Watch: Wow, I get a crappy watch every year, they break by New Years...even if they are left in the box. I use my cell phone as a clock now, why my mom insits on buying me one every year?..I have no idea, I plan on finding out how much a "Shitty Watch" sells for on Ebay here in the next few weeks.
Yonex tennis racket: Wow, that was an unexpected gift, I played tennis one year, and I was last on the team, I quit before the season ended, yet for some reason my parents decided to spend $160 on a professional tennis racket. I'm not planning on playing tennis again, so I am going to find out how much "Pimp Ass Tennis Racket" sells for on Ebay. In the meantime I am going to use the picture of Anna Kournikova that came on the front as masterbation material...
Red dress shirt/matching tie: Pretty nice shirt/tie combo from JC Penny's or someplace like that, definatly classy....
Tie with flames on it: Incredibly redneck tie from Wal-Mart, made from the same material as the curtains in a sleazy hotel in downtown Vegas. This tie was bought under the impression it would also fit the red shirt: Black tie that looks like its on fire...no, it is a terrible gift, what the hell was my mom thinking, any redeeming qualities from the shirt and matching tie were just thrown out the window of a speeding bullet train.
Miniatre Tool Kit: A tool kit with miniature screwdrivers and such, only useful if you happen to be an elf working on microchips. The heads on the screwdrivers are so small that you cant even tell what kind of screwdriver it is, in fact, they all look like sharpened points. The fourteenth most useless gift ever, i hope they didn't pay more than 24 cents for it.
Plastic Boomerang: Any cool points gained by giving something offbeat like a boomerang was lost when the $1.99 price tag was left on...
Shirt/Jeans combo from The Gap: Makes me feel sexy, not like the dirty little whore I am, nuff said...
The Complete Extended Editions of Lord of the Rings: They find ways to make these things longer every time they release them on DVD. The box set includes two DVD's of EACH FILM, one with commentary, one not, and TWO documentery DVD's for EACH FILM. They also extended each movie from anywhere between 30 minutes to 50 minutes, making all three movies a combined 35 hours long. Yet they still managed to leave many important parts of the book out. That was half the gift, for each seperate film there are also TWO discs packed full of documenteries...Total number of documenteries associated with the movies to: 42...not including the ones the History Channel will do on the making of the making of the making of the documentery about the exact spot chosen for Aragorn to stand on the 13,231st frame of The Two Towers. The documenteries range from the making of Gollum to Commentary by the assistant cameramans coffee bitch (they call him the "errand boy") Overall the 12 seperate DVD's have over 200 hours of viewing time. I plan on watching about half of Return of the King sometime between now and the time i graduate college. The rest will gather dust with that great theatrical masterpiece "Joyride" i got for my birthday last year. ( You know who you are, what the hell were you thinking...Joyride?!) Not that i have anything against LOTR, but allowing my ass to numb for 188 hours while watching the making of a 3 hour movie isnt my idea of a good time.
Candy: Assorted chocolate items, some candy canes, good stuff...
and finally...
The Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding by Arnold Shwarzenegger: At a whopping 736 pages the book itself is almost as big as the man who wrote it at his prime in 1980. Basically the book is a gigantic tome of weightlifting and bodybuilding knowledge complete with.......the most disgusting pictures of the most ripped oily men in the tightest underwear you will ever see. They cover every page, each picture complete with commentary of the great Ahnold himself. I quote: "Posing for Joe always ended up giving me a terrific workout", and many other much more risque pictures and quotes. Basically, the book is all about showing off these mountains of muscle in the most girly poses they can pull off to flex every disgustingly bulbous muscle on their body. This book has opened my eyes, I just realized that some guy named Franco Columbo has arms that are easily bigger than my torso. Every picture in the book shows way to much skin, seeing as they cant seem to wear anything bigger than a teensy thong...and these are not hot super models, these are BIG UGLY MEN WITH MORE MUSCLE MASS THAN A HORSE. Why the HELL did my dad get me this book?!
That wraps up about what i got.
What I wanted: A fixed car, and a 40 gig IPOD, those were all i asked for, instead I was cursed with the Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding....
Until next year, ill post again....
sprint
The real reason I took precious time out of my poker playing was to brag about all the wonderful things I got, which was really one semi-decent guitar, and some clothing...but on with the list:
Guitar 'Kit': Included off brand semi-decent Strat based guitar/amp...actually the coolest gift I got, I now own an electric guitar, and can finally improve my skills thanks to my wicked awesome brother...It wins the "Best Gift" award...
Generic Watch: Wow, I get a crappy watch every year, they break by New Years...even if they are left in the box. I use my cell phone as a clock now, why my mom insits on buying me one every year?..I have no idea, I plan on finding out how much a "Shitty Watch" sells for on Ebay here in the next few weeks.
Yonex tennis racket: Wow, that was an unexpected gift, I played tennis one year, and I was last on the team, I quit before the season ended, yet for some reason my parents decided to spend $160 on a professional tennis racket. I'm not planning on playing tennis again, so I am going to find out how much "Pimp Ass Tennis Racket" sells for on Ebay. In the meantime I am going to use the picture of Anna Kournikova that came on the front as masterbation material...
Red dress shirt/matching tie: Pretty nice shirt/tie combo from JC Penny's or someplace like that, definatly classy....
Tie with flames on it: Incredibly redneck tie from Wal-Mart, made from the same material as the curtains in a sleazy hotel in downtown Vegas. This tie was bought under the impression it would also fit the red shirt: Black tie that looks like its on fire...no, it is a terrible gift, what the hell was my mom thinking, any redeeming qualities from the shirt and matching tie were just thrown out the window of a speeding bullet train.
Miniatre Tool Kit: A tool kit with miniature screwdrivers and such, only useful if you happen to be an elf working on microchips. The heads on the screwdrivers are so small that you cant even tell what kind of screwdriver it is, in fact, they all look like sharpened points. The fourteenth most useless gift ever, i hope they didn't pay more than 24 cents for it.
Plastic Boomerang: Any cool points gained by giving something offbeat like a boomerang was lost when the $1.99 price tag was left on...
Shirt/Jeans combo from The Gap: Makes me feel sexy, not like the dirty little whore I am, nuff said...
The Complete Extended Editions of Lord of the Rings: They find ways to make these things longer every time they release them on DVD. The box set includes two DVD's of EACH FILM, one with commentary, one not, and TWO documentery DVD's for EACH FILM. They also extended each movie from anywhere between 30 minutes to 50 minutes, making all three movies a combined 35 hours long. Yet they still managed to leave many important parts of the book out. That was half the gift, for each seperate film there are also TWO discs packed full of documenteries...Total number of documenteries associated with the movies to: 42...not including the ones the History Channel will do on the making of the making of the making of the documentery about the exact spot chosen for Aragorn to stand on the 13,231st frame of The Two Towers. The documenteries range from the making of Gollum to Commentary by the assistant cameramans coffee bitch (they call him the "errand boy") Overall the 12 seperate DVD's have over 200 hours of viewing time. I plan on watching about half of Return of the King sometime between now and the time i graduate college. The rest will gather dust with that great theatrical masterpiece "Joyride" i got for my birthday last year. ( You know who you are, what the hell were you thinking...Joyride?!) Not that i have anything against LOTR, but allowing my ass to numb for 188 hours while watching the making of a 3 hour movie isnt my idea of a good time.
Candy: Assorted chocolate items, some candy canes, good stuff...
and finally...
The Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding by Arnold Shwarzenegger: At a whopping 736 pages the book itself is almost as big as the man who wrote it at his prime in 1980. Basically the book is a gigantic tome of weightlifting and bodybuilding knowledge complete with.......the most disgusting pictures of the most ripped oily men in the tightest underwear you will ever see. They cover every page, each picture complete with commentary of the great Ahnold himself. I quote: "Posing for Joe always ended up giving me a terrific workout", and many other much more risque pictures and quotes. Basically, the book is all about showing off these mountains of muscle in the most girly poses they can pull off to flex every disgustingly bulbous muscle on their body. This book has opened my eyes, I just realized that some guy named Franco Columbo has arms that are easily bigger than my torso. Every picture in the book shows way to much skin, seeing as they cant seem to wear anything bigger than a teensy thong...and these are not hot super models, these are BIG UGLY MEN WITH MORE MUSCLE MASS THAN A HORSE. Why the HELL did my dad get me this book?!
That wraps up about what i got.
What I wanted: A fixed car, and a 40 gig IPOD, those were all i asked for, instead I was cursed with the Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding....
Until next year, ill post again....
sprint
Nov 2, 2004
Election 2008 and beyond..
OK, skipping over all the stuff that has happened since my last real update, I have decided on a few things to do with this ever so coveted free space of mine on the World Wide Web (thank you Al Gore, you made the world a better place for me)
The first thing I am going to do is stop whining about what happened to me, what is new in my life, and what my day was like, that shit is boring, I am going to write about things that pique my intrest, and the occasional crazy but funny shit I do.
The second thing I am going to do is stop writing about the illegal things I have done, because writing them on here got me in trouble, which was bad news, I will only write about the semi-legal things I have done, such as things that are legal when I am older, if you want to know about all my misdemeanors and felonies, consult the JPD.
The third thing I am going to do is promise quality posts, no more bullshit, and I pledge to make it funnier, more appealing and less gay...
On to the election......
The day is Nov. 2, Kerry just lost Joplin High School in a landslide, i found out some wonderful things about my school today, that being 2/3 of the school are fucking morons. Kerry was beaten worse than a bunch of midgets in a game of basketball. But, who gives a rats ass about the election at Joplin High School, because it is in a conservative section of the US, and Kerry will win the Presidancy anyways... You read it here first America, with 1% of the precincts in and Bush winning the electoral vote 39 - 3, I say John F. Kerry will win the election. (editors note, this is now the 4th, Kerry lost, i am now adding a giant "Fuck You" section at the end of this)
Since Erection '04 (VERY PORNISH, NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR SCHOOL) is almost over, I am moving my big beautiful hazel eyes on to Election 2008. Who will be running? Who will win? Will I still be single by then? The answers are all the same, yes.
Who will be running - I think that since both parties will have realized that celeberties make better canidates, they will run two celeberties in election '08. The Republicans, seeing Ahnolds success in "Kahlifornya" will most definatly nominate him for their party's canidate. Democrats on the other hand, not being very bright about holding the power in the highest executive office will put Ben Affleck up as their party's canidate. Why Ben? He is an outspoken Democrat and Red Sox fan that has made many wonderful box office blockbusters such as Gigli and Paycheck, not a washed up shitty ugly ass actor who got played by the loosest star in Hollywood, and then there was Jennifer Lopez, the loosest star in Puerto Rico too....
I just realized that I will only be 20 when election 2008 rolls around, which is really getting me down, because that means I am not legal to vote drunk. If I had to make a sober decision between Arnold and Ben, I might just not vote....of course then P Diddy will cap my white cracka ass, so I will be in a bind. I will probably get drunk anyways, and then when vote for Ben, sell my soul to the devil, and become a man named Big Lou's bitch, not necisarilly in that order.
Of course by that point I will have most likely rescended into rampant alcoholism and whoring myself out to fat women for 100 bucks a piece to support it, and have completely forgotten that there was such a thing as democracy. (wait I forgot, there isnt, the electon was stolen again, democracy is dead, long live Ronald)
(The following is adult in nature and very dirty, I am sorry if i offend you and this makes you think less of me, I am sorry, but I have some pent up anger and need to get rid of it)
Of course, the odds are that won't happen, and you will be casting your vote for Wynhausen/Davis 2020, just because I am badass and would win the election, make the world Utopia, and Detroit would still be hell. More on my election aspirations later...but now I have a GIANT FUCK YOU section for people i hate right now:
Fuck you Karl Rove, you are a fucking DICK, you are a shady ass man who does nothing but assasinate the character of those who you don't like, and make the bad canidate win, you are evil.
Fuck you Dick Cheyney, you are evil, I hate you, you are so bad you turned your daughter lesbian, you are corrupt and you are a greedy greedy man.
Fuck you George Bush, you are a puppet, you will drive the world to hell, I hope you get impeached, and lose your repuation.
Fuck you Donald Rumsfeld, you are the devils representative on Earth, and you are a pathological liar.
Fuck you Diebold Voting Systems, I could fucking hack your servers, and I know nothing about hacking, nice work throwing the election for the Dick and the Son of a Bush.
Fuck you Ben Affleck, I hate you die and rot in hell.
Fuck you Fox News, I want to drop trou and squeeze a cleveland steamer on the chest of that really hot conservative anchor.
Fuck you country music, making people commit suicide since 1901, you bastards.
Fuck you Tony Blair, I hate you, and the English parliament too.
Fuck you Eminem, I dont know why, but you would say the same thing to me.
Fuck you Paul Wolfowitz, you dont get the name "Prince of Darkness" for nothing.
Fuck you Satan, you have yet to defeat me on the field of battle, you owe me a salad tossing.
Fuck you MU, Nebraska beat you, you SUCK. (go big red)
Fuck you everything i forgot to mention, I will get to you sooner or later.....
*WHEW* i am glad i got that off my chest, sorry for all the explitives and the porn, i promise to make the next one PG-13. Until next time my faithful readers who have waited for a post these past few months...Sorry about the length, I am a novelest, what can I say...
Peace, Love, Harmony, the color green, and the color red, the color blue, and music...
Sprint
The first thing I am going to do is stop whining about what happened to me, what is new in my life, and what my day was like, that shit is boring, I am going to write about things that pique my intrest, and the occasional crazy but funny shit I do.
The second thing I am going to do is stop writing about the illegal things I have done, because writing them on here got me in trouble, which was bad news, I will only write about the semi-legal things I have done, such as things that are legal when I am older, if you want to know about all my misdemeanors and felonies, consult the JPD.
The third thing I am going to do is promise quality posts, no more bullshit, and I pledge to make it funnier, more appealing and less gay...
On to the election......
The day is Nov. 2, Kerry just lost Joplin High School in a landslide, i found out some wonderful things about my school today, that being 2/3 of the school are fucking morons. Kerry was beaten worse than a bunch of midgets in a game of basketball. But, who gives a rats ass about the election at Joplin High School, because it is in a conservative section of the US, and Kerry will win the Presidancy anyways... You read it here first America, with 1% of the precincts in and Bush winning the electoral vote 39 - 3, I say John F. Kerry will win the election. (editors note, this is now the 4th, Kerry lost, i am now adding a giant "Fuck You" section at the end of this)
Since Erection '04 (VERY PORNISH, NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR SCHOOL) is almost over, I am moving my big beautiful hazel eyes on to Election 2008. Who will be running? Who will win? Will I still be single by then? The answers are all the same, yes.
Who will be running - I think that since both parties will have realized that celeberties make better canidates, they will run two celeberties in election '08. The Republicans, seeing Ahnolds success in "Kahlifornya" will most definatly nominate him for their party's canidate. Democrats on the other hand, not being very bright about holding the power in the highest executive office will put Ben Affleck up as their party's canidate. Why Ben? He is an outspoken Democrat and Red Sox fan that has made many wonderful box office blockbusters such as Gigli and Paycheck, not a washed up shitty ugly ass actor who got played by the loosest star in Hollywood, and then there was Jennifer Lopez, the loosest star in Puerto Rico too....
I just realized that I will only be 20 when election 2008 rolls around, which is really getting me down, because that means I am not legal to vote drunk. If I had to make a sober decision between Arnold and Ben, I might just not vote....of course then P Diddy will cap my white cracka ass, so I will be in a bind. I will probably get drunk anyways, and then when vote for Ben, sell my soul to the devil, and become a man named Big Lou's bitch, not necisarilly in that order.
Of course by that point I will have most likely rescended into rampant alcoholism and whoring myself out to fat women for 100 bucks a piece to support it, and have completely forgotten that there was such a thing as democracy. (wait I forgot, there isnt, the electon was stolen again, democracy is dead, long live Ronald)
(The following is adult in nature and very dirty, I am sorry if i offend you and this makes you think less of me, I am sorry, but I have some pent up anger and need to get rid of it)
Of course, the odds are that won't happen, and you will be casting your vote for Wynhausen/Davis 2020, just because I am badass and would win the election, make the world Utopia, and Detroit would still be hell. More on my election aspirations later...but now I have a GIANT FUCK YOU section for people i hate right now:
Fuck you Karl Rove, you are a fucking DICK, you are a shady ass man who does nothing but assasinate the character of those who you don't like, and make the bad canidate win, you are evil.
Fuck you Dick Cheyney, you are evil, I hate you, you are so bad you turned your daughter lesbian, you are corrupt and you are a greedy greedy man.
Fuck you George Bush, you are a puppet, you will drive the world to hell, I hope you get impeached, and lose your repuation.
Fuck you Donald Rumsfeld, you are the devils representative on Earth, and you are a pathological liar.
Fuck you Diebold Voting Systems, I could fucking hack your servers, and I know nothing about hacking, nice work throwing the election for the Dick and the Son of a Bush.
Fuck you Ben Affleck, I hate you die and rot in hell.
Fuck you Fox News, I want to drop trou and squeeze a cleveland steamer on the chest of that really hot conservative anchor.
Fuck you country music, making people commit suicide since 1901, you bastards.
Fuck you Tony Blair, I hate you, and the English parliament too.
Fuck you Eminem, I dont know why, but you would say the same thing to me.
Fuck you Paul Wolfowitz, you dont get the name "Prince of Darkness" for nothing.
Fuck you Satan, you have yet to defeat me on the field of battle, you owe me a salad tossing.
Fuck you MU, Nebraska beat you, you SUCK. (go big red)
Fuck you everything i forgot to mention, I will get to you sooner or later.....
*WHEW* i am glad i got that off my chest, sorry for all the explitives and the porn, i promise to make the next one PG-13. Until next time my faithful readers who have waited for a post these past few months...Sorry about the length, I am a novelest, what can I say...
Peace, Love, Harmony, the color green, and the color red, the color blue, and music...
Sprint
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