Well, one more Christmas has come and gone and amazingly I survived being a cheapskate for one more year, I spent a whopping.... 0$ on gifts this year, instead I picked out gifts for other people and my parents bought them. Now if only I can get them to do that for the next 20 years I will be in pretty good shape during the holiday season until age 36...
The real reason I took precious time out of my poker playing was to brag about all the wonderful things I got, which was really one semi-decent guitar, and some clothing...but on with the list:
Guitar 'Kit': Included off brand semi-decent Strat based guitar/amp...actually the coolest gift I got, I now own an electric guitar, and can finally improve my skills thanks to my wicked awesome brother...It wins the "Best Gift" award...
Generic Watch: Wow, I get a crappy watch every year, they break by New Years...even if they are left in the box. I use my cell phone as a clock now, why my mom insits on buying me one every year?..I have no idea, I plan on finding out how much a "Shitty Watch" sells for on Ebay here in the next few weeks.
Yonex tennis racket: Wow, that was an unexpected gift, I played tennis one year, and I was last on the team, I quit before the season ended, yet for some reason my parents decided to spend $160 on a professional tennis racket. I'm not planning on playing tennis again, so I am going to find out how much "Pimp Ass Tennis Racket" sells for on Ebay. In the meantime I am going to use the picture of Anna Kournikova that came on the front as masterbation material...
Red dress shirt/matching tie: Pretty nice shirt/tie combo from JC Penny's or someplace like that, definatly classy....
Tie with flames on it: Incredibly redneck tie from Wal-Mart, made from the same material as the curtains in a sleazy hotel in downtown Vegas. This tie was bought under the impression it would also fit the red shirt: Black tie that looks like its on fire...no, it is a terrible gift, what the hell was my mom thinking, any redeeming qualities from the shirt and matching tie were just thrown out the window of a speeding bullet train.
Miniatre Tool Kit: A tool kit with miniature screwdrivers and such, only useful if you happen to be an elf working on microchips. The heads on the screwdrivers are so small that you cant even tell what kind of screwdriver it is, in fact, they all look like sharpened points. The fourteenth most useless gift ever, i hope they didn't pay more than 24 cents for it.
Plastic Boomerang: Any cool points gained by giving something offbeat like a boomerang was lost when the $1.99 price tag was left on...
Shirt/Jeans combo from The Gap: Makes me feel sexy, not like the dirty little whore I am, nuff said...
The Complete Extended Editions of Lord of the Rings: They find ways to make these things longer every time they release them on DVD. The box set includes two DVD's of EACH FILM, one with commentary, one not, and TWO documentery DVD's for EACH FILM. They also extended each movie from anywhere between 30 minutes to 50 minutes, making all three movies a combined 35 hours long. Yet they still managed to leave many important parts of the book out. That was half the gift, for each seperate film there are also TWO discs packed full of documenteries...Total number of documenteries associated with the movies to: 42...not including the ones the History Channel will do on the making of the making of the making of the documentery about the exact spot chosen for Aragorn to stand on the 13,231st frame of The Two Towers. The documenteries range from the making of Gollum to Commentary by the assistant cameramans coffee bitch (they call him the "errand boy") Overall the 12 seperate DVD's have over 200 hours of viewing time. I plan on watching about half of Return of the King sometime between now and the time i graduate college. The rest will gather dust with that great theatrical masterpiece "Joyride" i got for my birthday last year. ( You know who you are, what the hell were you thinking...Joyride?!) Not that i have anything against LOTR, but allowing my ass to numb for 188 hours while watching the making of a 3 hour movie isnt my idea of a good time.
Candy: Assorted chocolate items, some candy canes, good stuff...
and finally...
The Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding by Arnold Shwarzenegger: At a whopping 736 pages the book itself is almost as big as the man who wrote it at his prime in 1980. Basically the book is a gigantic tome of weightlifting and bodybuilding knowledge complete with.......the most disgusting pictures of the most ripped oily men in the tightest underwear you will ever see. They cover every page, each picture complete with commentary of the great Ahnold himself. I quote: "Posing for Joe always ended up giving me a terrific workout", and many other much more risque pictures and quotes. Basically, the book is all about showing off these mountains of muscle in the most girly poses they can pull off to flex every disgustingly bulbous muscle on their body. This book has opened my eyes, I just realized that some guy named Franco Columbo has arms that are easily bigger than my torso. Every picture in the book shows way to much skin, seeing as they cant seem to wear anything bigger than a teensy thong...and these are not hot super models, these are BIG UGLY MEN WITH MORE MUSCLE MASS THAN A HORSE. Why the HELL did my dad get me this book?!
That wraps up about what i got.
What I wanted: A fixed car, and a 40 gig IPOD, those were all i asked for, instead I was cursed with the Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding....
Until next year, ill post again....
sprint
Dec 25, 2004
Nov 2, 2004
Election 2008 and beyond..
OK, skipping over all the stuff that has happened since my last real update, I have decided on a few things to do with this ever so coveted free space of mine on the World Wide Web (thank you Al Gore, you made the world a better place for me)
The first thing I am going to do is stop whining about what happened to me, what is new in my life, and what my day was like, that shit is boring, I am going to write about things that pique my intrest, and the occasional crazy but funny shit I do.
The second thing I am going to do is stop writing about the illegal things I have done, because writing them on here got me in trouble, which was bad news, I will only write about the semi-legal things I have done, such as things that are legal when I am older, if you want to know about all my misdemeanors and felonies, consult the JPD.
The third thing I am going to do is promise quality posts, no more bullshit, and I pledge to make it funnier, more appealing and less gay...
On to the election......
The day is Nov. 2, Kerry just lost Joplin High School in a landslide, i found out some wonderful things about my school today, that being 2/3 of the school are fucking morons. Kerry was beaten worse than a bunch of midgets in a game of basketball. But, who gives a rats ass about the election at Joplin High School, because it is in a conservative section of the US, and Kerry will win the Presidancy anyways... You read it here first America, with 1% of the precincts in and Bush winning the electoral vote 39 - 3, I say John F. Kerry will win the election. (editors note, this is now the 4th, Kerry lost, i am now adding a giant "Fuck You" section at the end of this)
Since Erection '04 (VERY PORNISH, NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR SCHOOL) is almost over, I am moving my big beautiful hazel eyes on to Election 2008. Who will be running? Who will win? Will I still be single by then? The answers are all the same, yes.
Who will be running - I think that since both parties will have realized that celeberties make better canidates, they will run two celeberties in election '08. The Republicans, seeing Ahnolds success in "Kahlifornya" will most definatly nominate him for their party's canidate. Democrats on the other hand, not being very bright about holding the power in the highest executive office will put Ben Affleck up as their party's canidate. Why Ben? He is an outspoken Democrat and Red Sox fan that has made many wonderful box office blockbusters such as Gigli and Paycheck, not a washed up shitty ugly ass actor who got played by the loosest star in Hollywood, and then there was Jennifer Lopez, the loosest star in Puerto Rico too....
I just realized that I will only be 20 when election 2008 rolls around, which is really getting me down, because that means I am not legal to vote drunk. If I had to make a sober decision between Arnold and Ben, I might just not vote....of course then P Diddy will cap my white cracka ass, so I will be in a bind. I will probably get drunk anyways, and then when vote for Ben, sell my soul to the devil, and become a man named Big Lou's bitch, not necisarilly in that order.
Of course by that point I will have most likely rescended into rampant alcoholism and whoring myself out to fat women for 100 bucks a piece to support it, and have completely forgotten that there was such a thing as democracy. (wait I forgot, there isnt, the electon was stolen again, democracy is dead, long live Ronald)
(The following is adult in nature and very dirty, I am sorry if i offend you and this makes you think less of me, I am sorry, but I have some pent up anger and need to get rid of it)
Of course, the odds are that won't happen, and you will be casting your vote for Wynhausen/Davis 2020, just because I am badass and would win the election, make the world Utopia, and Detroit would still be hell. More on my election aspirations later...but now I have a GIANT FUCK YOU section for people i hate right now:
Fuck you Karl Rove, you are a fucking DICK, you are a shady ass man who does nothing but assasinate the character of those who you don't like, and make the bad canidate win, you are evil.
Fuck you Dick Cheyney, you are evil, I hate you, you are so bad you turned your daughter lesbian, you are corrupt and you are a greedy greedy man.
Fuck you George Bush, you are a puppet, you will drive the world to hell, I hope you get impeached, and lose your repuation.
Fuck you Donald Rumsfeld, you are the devils representative on Earth, and you are a pathological liar.
Fuck you Diebold Voting Systems, I could fucking hack your servers, and I know nothing about hacking, nice work throwing the election for the Dick and the Son of a Bush.
Fuck you Ben Affleck, I hate you die and rot in hell.
Fuck you Fox News, I want to drop trou and squeeze a cleveland steamer on the chest of that really hot conservative anchor.
Fuck you country music, making people commit suicide since 1901, you bastards.
Fuck you Tony Blair, I hate you, and the English parliament too.
Fuck you Eminem, I dont know why, but you would say the same thing to me.
Fuck you Paul Wolfowitz, you dont get the name "Prince of Darkness" for nothing.
Fuck you Satan, you have yet to defeat me on the field of battle, you owe me a salad tossing.
Fuck you MU, Nebraska beat you, you SUCK. (go big red)
Fuck you everything i forgot to mention, I will get to you sooner or later.....
*WHEW* i am glad i got that off my chest, sorry for all the explitives and the porn, i promise to make the next one PG-13. Until next time my faithful readers who have waited for a post these past few months...Sorry about the length, I am a novelest, what can I say...
Peace, Love, Harmony, the color green, and the color red, the color blue, and music...
Sprint
The first thing I am going to do is stop whining about what happened to me, what is new in my life, and what my day was like, that shit is boring, I am going to write about things that pique my intrest, and the occasional crazy but funny shit I do.
The second thing I am going to do is stop writing about the illegal things I have done, because writing them on here got me in trouble, which was bad news, I will only write about the semi-legal things I have done, such as things that are legal when I am older, if you want to know about all my misdemeanors and felonies, consult the JPD.
The third thing I am going to do is promise quality posts, no more bullshit, and I pledge to make it funnier, more appealing and less gay...
On to the election......
The day is Nov. 2, Kerry just lost Joplin High School in a landslide, i found out some wonderful things about my school today, that being 2/3 of the school are fucking morons. Kerry was beaten worse than a bunch of midgets in a game of basketball. But, who gives a rats ass about the election at Joplin High School, because it is in a conservative section of the US, and Kerry will win the Presidancy anyways... You read it here first America, with 1% of the precincts in and Bush winning the electoral vote 39 - 3, I say John F. Kerry will win the election. (editors note, this is now the 4th, Kerry lost, i am now adding a giant "Fuck You" section at the end of this)
Since Erection '04 (VERY PORNISH, NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR SCHOOL) is almost over, I am moving my big beautiful hazel eyes on to Election 2008. Who will be running? Who will win? Will I still be single by then? The answers are all the same, yes.
Who will be running - I think that since both parties will have realized that celeberties make better canidates, they will run two celeberties in election '08. The Republicans, seeing Ahnolds success in "Kahlifornya" will most definatly nominate him for their party's canidate. Democrats on the other hand, not being very bright about holding the power in the highest executive office will put Ben Affleck up as their party's canidate. Why Ben? He is an outspoken Democrat and Red Sox fan that has made many wonderful box office blockbusters such as Gigli and Paycheck, not a washed up shitty ugly ass actor who got played by the loosest star in Hollywood, and then there was Jennifer Lopez, the loosest star in Puerto Rico too....
I just realized that I will only be 20 when election 2008 rolls around, which is really getting me down, because that means I am not legal to vote drunk. If I had to make a sober decision between Arnold and Ben, I might just not vote....of course then P Diddy will cap my white cracka ass, so I will be in a bind. I will probably get drunk anyways, and then when vote for Ben, sell my soul to the devil, and become a man named Big Lou's bitch, not necisarilly in that order.
Of course by that point I will have most likely rescended into rampant alcoholism and whoring myself out to fat women for 100 bucks a piece to support it, and have completely forgotten that there was such a thing as democracy. (wait I forgot, there isnt, the electon was stolen again, democracy is dead, long live Ronald)
(The following is adult in nature and very dirty, I am sorry if i offend you and this makes you think less of me, I am sorry, but I have some pent up anger and need to get rid of it)
Of course, the odds are that won't happen, and you will be casting your vote for Wynhausen/Davis 2020, just because I am badass and would win the election, make the world Utopia, and Detroit would still be hell. More on my election aspirations later...but now I have a GIANT FUCK YOU section for people i hate right now:
Fuck you Karl Rove, you are a fucking DICK, you are a shady ass man who does nothing but assasinate the character of those who you don't like, and make the bad canidate win, you are evil.
Fuck you Dick Cheyney, you are evil, I hate you, you are so bad you turned your daughter lesbian, you are corrupt and you are a greedy greedy man.
Fuck you George Bush, you are a puppet, you will drive the world to hell, I hope you get impeached, and lose your repuation.
Fuck you Donald Rumsfeld, you are the devils representative on Earth, and you are a pathological liar.
Fuck you Diebold Voting Systems, I could fucking hack your servers, and I know nothing about hacking, nice work throwing the election for the Dick and the Son of a Bush.
Fuck you Ben Affleck, I hate you die and rot in hell.
Fuck you Fox News, I want to drop trou and squeeze a cleveland steamer on the chest of that really hot conservative anchor.
Fuck you country music, making people commit suicide since 1901, you bastards.
Fuck you Tony Blair, I hate you, and the English parliament too.
Fuck you Eminem, I dont know why, but you would say the same thing to me.
Fuck you Paul Wolfowitz, you dont get the name "Prince of Darkness" for nothing.
Fuck you Satan, you have yet to defeat me on the field of battle, you owe me a salad tossing.
Fuck you MU, Nebraska beat you, you SUCK. (go big red)
Fuck you everything i forgot to mention, I will get to you sooner or later.....
*WHEW* i am glad i got that off my chest, sorry for all the explitives and the porn, i promise to make the next one PG-13. Until next time my faithful readers who have waited for a post these past few months...Sorry about the length, I am a novelest, what can I say...
Peace, Love, Harmony, the color green, and the color red, the color blue, and music...
Sprint
Oct 10, 2004
Some cool shit
yes, that is the current electoral vote predictor, go Kerry...
George W. Bush you are a fucking moron, go do some coke.
Aug 24, 2004
My Top 40 Songs of Tuesday Night
I'm fucking bored, so just for shits and giggles here are the 40 top songs of Tuesday night. If you don't know of the song/band, check them out, or die.
1. The Killers - Somebody Told Me
2. Beck - Loser
3. Scissor Sisters - Laura
4. The Secret Machines - Breathe
5. Lit - My Own Worst Enemy
6. The Walkmen - We've Been Had
7. Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
8. ACDC - Thunderstruck
9. Ween - Baby Bitch
10. Old 97's - Won't Be Home
11. Guster - Amsterdam
12. Radiohead - Paranoid Android
13. Fugazi - Waiting Room
14. Dishwalla - Somewhere in the Middle
15. Modest Mouse - Dramamine
16. Eve 6 - Inside Out
17. Ben Folds Five - Army
18. Superchunk - Good Dreams
19. Fuel - Shimmer
20. Neutral Milk Hotel - Holland 1945
21. Wilco - I Am a Wheel
22. Interpol - Obstacle 1
23. Stereogram - Walkie Talkie Man
24. Franz Ferdinand - Dark of the Matinee
25. Gomez - Machismo
26. Gang of Four - Damaged Goods
27. Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You
28. Mission of Burma - Thats When I Reach for My Revolver
29. The Pony's - Looking Out a Mirror
30. Pedro the Lion - A Mind of Her Own
31. Modest Mouse - Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset
32. Oasis - Wonderwall
33. Everclear - Father of Mine
34. The Libertines - Time for Heroes
35. The Concretes - Lonely as Can Be
36. The Shins - Kissing the Lipless
37. REM - Whats the Frequency Kennith
38. The Velvet Underground - Heroin
39. Collective Soul - Spit Me Out
40. Blur - Song 2
All right, those are the top 40 songs to me, at this moment in time, download them.
Once I get my lazy ass in gear I will post some more cool shit, until then you get this, which is my bored shit.
Peace cats...
1. The Killers - Somebody Told Me
2. Beck - Loser
3. Scissor Sisters - Laura
4. The Secret Machines - Breathe
5. Lit - My Own Worst Enemy
6. The Walkmen - We've Been Had
7. Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
8. ACDC - Thunderstruck
9. Ween - Baby Bitch
10. Old 97's - Won't Be Home
11. Guster - Amsterdam
12. Radiohead - Paranoid Android
13. Fugazi - Waiting Room
14. Dishwalla - Somewhere in the Middle
15. Modest Mouse - Dramamine
16. Eve 6 - Inside Out
17. Ben Folds Five - Army
18. Superchunk - Good Dreams
19. Fuel - Shimmer
20. Neutral Milk Hotel - Holland 1945
21. Wilco - I Am a Wheel
22. Interpol - Obstacle 1
23. Stereogram - Walkie Talkie Man
24. Franz Ferdinand - Dark of the Matinee
25. Gomez - Machismo
26. Gang of Four - Damaged Goods
27. Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You
28. Mission of Burma - Thats When I Reach for My Revolver
29. The Pony's - Looking Out a Mirror
30. Pedro the Lion - A Mind of Her Own
31. Modest Mouse - Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset
32. Oasis - Wonderwall
33. Everclear - Father of Mine
34. The Libertines - Time for Heroes
35. The Concretes - Lonely as Can Be
36. The Shins - Kissing the Lipless
37. REM - Whats the Frequency Kennith
38. The Velvet Underground - Heroin
39. Collective Soul - Spit Me Out
40. Blur - Song 2
All right, those are the top 40 songs to me, at this moment in time, download them.
Once I get my lazy ass in gear I will post some more cool shit, until then you get this, which is my bored shit.
Peace cats...
Aug 15, 2004
Seattle
Alright, it has been a long time since I last made a real post, basically I just became Mexican and was a lazy ass, so sue me if I pissed you off by not updating. Many things happened in that time I was gone, and I don't really want to talk about it, so what I will tell you was I drank a lot of alcohol, was completely irresponsible, had a lot of fun, and didn't wake up hungover once, so basically I will call those weeks a huge success. Then I went to Seattle...
Seattle: Alright, I flew out to Seattle while my parents and the sister drove up there for a wedding, yes, they are fucking morons, I can't stand to be in the same house as my sister, so I can't imagine a 20 hour drive in a fucking MINIVAN with my sister. The term suicide comes to mind even to contemplate that, so I won't even think about it. Meanwhile, I drove my lazy ass up to Springfield and hopped on a plane, just to sit on my lazy ass some more, and suddenly 6 hours later I am in Seattle, one of the most badass cities in the world. Credited with the grunge revolution, Seattle practically invented early 90's rock, the first thing I did was kiss the ground and proclaim loudly that I wasn't worthy. After the odd stares I got up grabbed my bag and got picked up by my cousin Joe. I was hungry so we stopped at a place called "Dicks" to grab a bite to eat. I will admit, that was the best Dick I have EVER eaten, being the one and only, McDonald's better wash their ass, because Dick's doesn't want to go home stinky. Alrighty, the next few days i hung out and helped the cool side of the family prepare for the wedding of my cousin Liz. The wedding was a lot of fun, it was great, there really was nothing to make fun of, and it really was a textbook wedding. I got to administer the communion, I was a little afraid that a giant bolt of lightning would strike through the ceiling of the cathedral and smite me since I am a little bit atheist/agnostic (can't make up my mind), but for some fucked up reason god let me live, he must've been recovering from the long night with all those hot angel sex slave babes he has up there, lucky me. That night I stayed at the hotel my parents rented, this hotel was fucking awesome, it was a 200$ a night hotel, and it was fucking sweet. The minibar was a little overpriced, and the 10 Ft. snickers bar was a little stale, but still...this hotel had one very sweet defining quality though, they would give out complimentary goldfish. I mean, how fucking badass is that, a hotel that gives you a complimentary goldfish to keep you company, which got me to thinking of other sweet stuff hotels would give you complimentary.
The complementary list:
1) Complementary breakfast, that would be so fucking badass, you just stayed in the hotel for 200 bucks a night and you get a free 35 cent breakfast, sadly Hotel Monaco didn't offer that, just a fucking goldfish.
2) Complementary guns, how sweet would that be, i mean, they give out guns if you open a bank account at a certain bank chain, why cant hotels give out free guns when you stay the night.
3) Complementary money, nuff said
4) Complementary sushi, nuff said
5) Complementary whores, i can see it now..."Come stay at Presidents Hotel for a night you are guaranteed a night you won't forget." "Daddy, why is mommy not going on this trip?" (ugh, they would get dirty fast)
6) Complementary Sprints (for approved women only), there is plenty of me to go around ladies...
7) Complementary HBO, that would be so fucking sweet...
8) Complementary compliments, kinda like flair.....
Alright, this hotel was actually pretty lame when you take in the effect of the cost, the fact there was no free food, no pool, shitty ass workout room, and the interior looked like it had been done by straight eye for the queer guy. But there was a fucking sweet elevator and it was in the middle of downtown Seattle, so it almost evened out. After a couple of nights surviving the parents, they left in the van again leaving me with the badass cousins, and I ended up just wandering around Seattle a whole lot, just having fun and soaking up the vibe. I found a fucking awesome store there, website, the best music store period. Seattle was fucking awesome, everything was fucked up when I got back, but that's another story I am probably going to be to lazy to tell about.
Latest news: Shit, wasn't that what that entire last post was about?
I have randomly inserted 6 frames of porn into this blog.
I'm broke.
Iraqi soccer is pretty damn good, fucking Americans....
Really fucking broke.
School starts tomorrow, and I haven't done any of my AP History homework, Keckzkamethy is going to throw me in the ovens because he is Nazi and I have Jewish lineage.
Currently Listening to: Old 97's - Won't Be Home (good shit!)
Currently watching: Olympics (go Netherlands)
Currently eating: Nothing, I'm broke
Currently sexing up: Complimentary goldfish
That is all I really want to talk about, bye!
Seattle: Alright, I flew out to Seattle while my parents and the sister drove up there for a wedding, yes, they are fucking morons, I can't stand to be in the same house as my sister, so I can't imagine a 20 hour drive in a fucking MINIVAN with my sister. The term suicide comes to mind even to contemplate that, so I won't even think about it. Meanwhile, I drove my lazy ass up to Springfield and hopped on a plane, just to sit on my lazy ass some more, and suddenly 6 hours later I am in Seattle, one of the most badass cities in the world. Credited with the grunge revolution, Seattle practically invented early 90's rock, the first thing I did was kiss the ground and proclaim loudly that I wasn't worthy. After the odd stares I got up grabbed my bag and got picked up by my cousin Joe. I was hungry so we stopped at a place called "Dicks" to grab a bite to eat. I will admit, that was the best Dick I have EVER eaten, being the one and only, McDonald's better wash their ass, because Dick's doesn't want to go home stinky. Alrighty, the next few days i hung out and helped the cool side of the family prepare for the wedding of my cousin Liz. The wedding was a lot of fun, it was great, there really was nothing to make fun of, and it really was a textbook wedding. I got to administer the communion, I was a little afraid that a giant bolt of lightning would strike through the ceiling of the cathedral and smite me since I am a little bit atheist/agnostic (can't make up my mind), but for some fucked up reason god let me live, he must've been recovering from the long night with all those hot angel sex slave babes he has up there, lucky me. That night I stayed at the hotel my parents rented, this hotel was fucking awesome, it was a 200$ a night hotel, and it was fucking sweet. The minibar was a little overpriced, and the 10 Ft. snickers bar was a little stale, but still...this hotel had one very sweet defining quality though, they would give out complimentary goldfish. I mean, how fucking badass is that, a hotel that gives you a complimentary goldfish to keep you company, which got me to thinking of other sweet stuff hotels would give you complimentary.
The complementary list:
1) Complementary breakfast, that would be so fucking badass, you just stayed in the hotel for 200 bucks a night and you get a free 35 cent breakfast, sadly Hotel Monaco didn't offer that, just a fucking goldfish.
2) Complementary guns, how sweet would that be, i mean, they give out guns if you open a bank account at a certain bank chain, why cant hotels give out free guns when you stay the night.
3) Complementary money, nuff said
4) Complementary sushi, nuff said
5) Complementary whores, i can see it now..."Come stay at Presidents Hotel for a night you are guaranteed a night you won't forget." "Daddy, why is mommy not going on this trip?" (ugh, they would get dirty fast)
6) Complementary Sprints (for approved women only), there is plenty of me to go around ladies...
7) Complementary HBO, that would be so fucking sweet...
8) Complementary compliments, kinda like flair.....
Alright, this hotel was actually pretty lame when you take in the effect of the cost, the fact there was no free food, no pool, shitty ass workout room, and the interior looked like it had been done by straight eye for the queer guy. But there was a fucking sweet elevator and it was in the middle of downtown Seattle, so it almost evened out. After a couple of nights surviving the parents, they left in the van again leaving me with the badass cousins, and I ended up just wandering around Seattle a whole lot, just having fun and soaking up the vibe. I found a fucking awesome store there, website, the best music store period. Seattle was fucking awesome, everything was fucked up when I got back, but that's another story I am probably going to be to lazy to tell about.
Latest news: Shit, wasn't that what that entire last post was about?
I have randomly inserted 6 frames of porn into this blog.
I'm broke.
Iraqi soccer is pretty damn good, fucking Americans....
Really fucking broke.
School starts tomorrow, and I haven't done any of my AP History homework, Keckzkamethy is going to throw me in the ovens because he is Nazi and I have Jewish lineage.
Currently Listening to: Old 97's - Won't Be Home (good shit!)
Currently watching: Olympics (go Netherlands)
Currently eating: Nothing, I'm broke
Currently sexing up: Complimentary goldfish
That is all I really want to talk about, bye!
Aug 12, 2004
Hiatus
Alright, I am currently working on two blog posts, I have been to busy/lazy to work on this for the past few weeks...
News that won't be in the two next posts: I am now a brunette again, so yes, I am now hot as well as available.
My car is fucked, i don't want to go into detail, but it is...so don't expect rides from me, anyone.
News that will be in the next two posts: My badass trip to Seattle
The hell that waited when I got home.
News that won't be in the two next posts: I am now a brunette again, so yes, I am now hot as well as available.
My car is fucked, i don't want to go into detail, but it is...so don't expect rides from me, anyone.
News that will be in the next two posts: My badass trip to Seattle
The hell that waited when I got home.
Jul 28, 2004
Its a bird, its a plane, its Courtney Love...fuck
This post is 6 days old, I needed to stick it up before i work on a new one.
Well, I had an interesting revelation last night, I looked at that picture I posted of me looking like the better half of a monkeys ass, and I realized I kinda looked like Courtney fucking Love herself. The queen of drug and alcohol abuse herself, the psycho bitch who killed one of the most influential rock stars ever. I look like Courtney Love in all her drunken, blonde headed, ugly ass bitchy hoe glory (minus the rather impressive breasts), honestly I feel like jumping off the Twin Towers, but to bad they are gone. After 10 minutes of seeing my hair blonde, I realized that I had just made a HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE! The interesting thing was, I had Sampson like powers with the ladies before I got it dyed, I could fling my hair around like Fabio, but now I am like a simple trailer park trash Fabio, life sucks.
Saturday: I don't remember what happened Saturday, I wrote a bunch of junk down on my little notepad, but I don't remember which things happened on which days, so for Saturday lets just say I was at the Playboy Mansion partying with the Hef. Oh wait, I think that Saturday was also my last day of work at that shit hole also known as Casa Montez, I am finally free from the constraints of work, wait, I suddenly have a $700 car bill to pay? FUCK!!
Sunday: Sunday was the fateful day I had my hair dyed, it started out normal, then Saysan showed up with PERMANENT BLEACH. Like a moron I let her and Anissa go ahead and have their way with my luscious locks, turning them me into the white, trailer park trash, meth dealer I am today. Instead of having nice sandy blonde hair, it ended up orangish and not all that smooth...
Monday: Monday I woke up bright and early to go to soccer camp at 8:30 AM, lets just say that people were stupefied by the change I had gone through, the first things out of coach Mac's mouth were, "Sprint! How is the meth lab going", at that point I broke down and started crying, remembering how cruel coach Mac really is. We ran our asses off in the 90 degree 10 o'clock heat and it was great, I miss soccer, even though I am so bad at it I wouldn't qualify for the Special Olympics soccer team. Maher and I took my car to the mechanic to get it checked out, and I awaited my call the next day...
Tuesday: Soccer camp again, lots of running, and sometime during the mix of it all I got a phone call from the mechanic, the wiring in my car was melted into one giant ball of plastic and slag, also known as: Your car is incredibly fucked up and we are going to overcharge your ass for the repair. Their estimate was 300-700 dollars, I figured that wasn't all that bad to have the car fixed and be able to be free to drive around on my own again without trouble, I told the mechanic "Go for it." Which also means: I know you are overcharging me for this repair, but I don't give a rats posterior. The rest of the day was a total and complete blur, I remember sleeping a lot, and Thomas was there a lot of the time.
Well, I had an interesting revelation last night, I looked at that picture I posted of me looking like the better half of a monkeys ass, and I realized I kinda looked like Courtney fucking Love herself. The queen of drug and alcohol abuse herself, the psycho bitch who killed one of the most influential rock stars ever. I look like Courtney Love in all her drunken, blonde headed, ugly ass bitchy hoe glory (minus the rather impressive breasts), honestly I feel like jumping off the Twin Towers, but to bad they are gone. After 10 minutes of seeing my hair blonde, I realized that I had just made a HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE! The interesting thing was, I had Sampson like powers with the ladies before I got it dyed, I could fling my hair around like Fabio, but now I am like a simple trailer park trash Fabio, life sucks.
Saturday: I don't remember what happened Saturday, I wrote a bunch of junk down on my little notepad, but I don't remember which things happened on which days, so for Saturday lets just say I was at the Playboy Mansion partying with the Hef. Oh wait, I think that Saturday was also my last day of work at that shit hole also known as Casa Montez, I am finally free from the constraints of work, wait, I suddenly have a $700 car bill to pay? FUCK!!
Sunday: Sunday was the fateful day I had my hair dyed, it started out normal, then Saysan showed up with PERMANENT BLEACH. Like a moron I let her and Anissa go ahead and have their way with my luscious locks, turning them me into the white, trailer park trash, meth dealer I am today. Instead of having nice sandy blonde hair, it ended up orangish and not all that smooth...
Monday: Monday I woke up bright and early to go to soccer camp at 8:30 AM, lets just say that people were stupefied by the change I had gone through, the first things out of coach Mac's mouth were, "Sprint! How is the meth lab going", at that point I broke down and started crying, remembering how cruel coach Mac really is. We ran our asses off in the 90 degree 10 o'clock heat and it was great, I miss soccer, even though I am so bad at it I wouldn't qualify for the Special Olympics soccer team. Maher and I took my car to the mechanic to get it checked out, and I awaited my call the next day...
Tuesday: Soccer camp again, lots of running, and sometime during the mix of it all I got a phone call from the mechanic, the wiring in my car was melted into one giant ball of plastic and slag, also known as: Your car is incredibly fucked up and we are going to overcharge your ass for the repair. Their estimate was 300-700 dollars, I figured that wasn't all that bad to have the car fixed and be able to be free to drive around on my own again without trouble, I told the mechanic "Go for it." Which also means: I know you are overcharging me for this repair, but I don't give a rats posterior. The rest of the day was a total and complete blur, I remember sleeping a lot, and Thomas was there a lot of the time.
Wednesday: Well since soccer camp was all week, just assume I went, and I would like to thank the people supporting me with rides during all this, just remember you all still owe me until my car is fixed or I buy a new one. That day after soccer Shayan, Thomas, and I all decided to go see Spiderman 2 at 1:30. So I just head out with Thomas, we get to the theater all excited. Watched the previews, were incredibly stoked, I applauded and cheered when the opening credits came on and got dirty looks from the other 2 and a half people in the theatre, other than our little clique. (they were old, so they probably were giving me a dirty look anyways) I was so incredibly stoked for the movie, waiting to see Spiderman kick the living hell out of a rather chubby man with mechanical arms, which are somehow immune to magnetism and heat...After about 10 minutes I found out this movie was corny, incredibly corny, in fact, it had more corn than Fat Bastard's crap. So after some buildup, and a subplot of Spiderman's powers diminishing, with not as much action as I wanted, I started to get a little disappointed. So at the end of the movie, I was saddened by the fact there was not as much action as there seemed to be in the preview, and that it focused more on Peter Parkers love life. If I wanted to see a movie about love, I would watch Cold Mountain. If I want to see a movie about Spiderman, I want to see him kicking bad guys ass nonstop, although I do like the way it set itself up for a sequel, hopefully the creators read this and say "this little shit is right, it needs more action" After that Thomas and I met up with Maher at the Chexican, the new chinese/mexican place (where the sombrero meets the samurai, even though they are Japanese) I was surprised to find out that Patricia Pham works there, and in fact her extended PHAMily (nice pun, thanks maher) own the place. So we all chilled there and then were incredibly sick later in the night, for some reason Mexican and Chinese food at the same buffet table sounds much less appeasing after you have eaten it.
Thursday: Lets see, we went to the chexican again for team bonding, I feel like a moron, I've felt bad all day. I got a call from the mechanic and they had some important information for me about my little rice burning car...the repair would cost over 1200 dollars. I told them to stop repairs, I would pay for the diagnosis, and the half hour they had put into it already (103 bucks), I drove it home and parked it underneath a tree, waiting for someone (me) to crawl underneath and pull out basically every bit of wiring, then pull out the dashboard and all that wiring, then completely fuck up, i mean rewire the whole thing. So basically I am without a car until I can get my ass into gear and try to fix it. Lets see, that was like 6 days ago, I really don't remember anything else from that day except that the soccer team went to the Chexican
Alright, all that shit is old news, meant to be posted 6 days ago...I will update sometime in the next couple of days about the badass weekend in KC.
Jul 20, 2004
Jul 17, 2004
Life blows my balls
The past few days have basically blown my ass, other than a couple of perks, they have sucked more than Jenna Jamison at the end of a 60 hour work week. Now if you know how much sucking that is, pat yourself on a back, you are a grade-A pervert who needs to get off the computer and stop jacking off to the 23 porn websites you subscribe to. In other opening news, the website that hosts my wonderful free blog has added word processing tools in a nice orderly taskbar above my text, what the hell, what took those motherfuckers so long, I learned all the basic HTML tools I needed to get the desired results I wanted, and now you offer the easy way, I knew Big Brother was watching me...(the fucker). Anyways, on to my bitching and moaning about the (now) past few shitty days I've had.
*WARNING*
Long post ahead
Tuesday: Maher and I spent 2 glorious hours at Ichiban Sushi, we ate and watched the guy win his first million on Jeopardy, then ate a little more, since it was all sushi, I practically had an orgasm after every bite (thank you Unagi), and it was damn good. About 6 hours later I was getting ready to go to a birthday party for Chris Pena out at Tommy's. When Shayan calls me and trys to play Joe Cool by acting like he isn't at the party, and he doesn't know about it. Nice try you crazy Persian bastard, I had already been told by people you were there, and I had already known about it 3 days in advance. You forget I go to nearly every party they throw. Then Maher called and told me that the party was out of alcohol, so I brought my rather large stash. After about 20 minutes at the party, all the alcohol I had hidden in the back room suddenly disappeared after many of the JHS students who showed up to the party left. After a small search party combed the house, I got a report that a fatass motherfucker named Alex Johnson had stolen the alcohol I brought. In fact, someone had stopped him at the door and asked him why he was taking it from the party, he had said it was his, the catch was he hadn't brought any. So this with an incredibly generic name is running around with my booze, consisting of 1 bottle of Captain Morgan's, 1 bottle of Absolut vodka, and 1 bottle of Baccardi 151 (aka expensive shit that gets you fucked up fast). So began the shitty days ahead.
Wednesday: I woke up bright and early at 11:30 to go to the orthodontist (the same one who has a street named after him near where I live). I got there sat in the chair and watched "I Love the 90's: 1992", whilst they put the bottom braces on my lips in their second effort to kill me in a benign manner by having the braces cut my lips until i bleed to death. Then suddenly between clips of MC Hammer and Ross Perot it hit me, all the pieces began to fall into place. Why else would they name a road after an orthodontist that does nothing but lead to a Cracker Barrel (they sell t-shirts) and a strip mall that contained nothing but clothing stores, the orthodontists were controlled by the fashion mafia. There are only two pieces of evidence that I need (and have) to expose the truth...
1) Braces make people look ugly, so then they go out and buy everything they can to make themselves look beautiful, and to hide the fact they have 3 pounds of metal glued to their pearly whites.
2) The 3-5 days after receiving braces it makes it impossible to eat anything more solid than high quality H2O due to the fact that your mouth is to cut up and your teeth to sure chew anything. Thus people notice that they lose from 5-10 pounds during those days, sparking an anorexic craze in people so that they can fit into the latest rage in clothing, which they only make in size XXS.
It is simply another ploy by the fashion (and anorexia) mafia to control us into buying their textiles. For more information and proof that the fashion mafia is behind everything, go here.
Nothing else interesting happened that day, I ate my last solid meal about an hour after the orthodontist and overdosed on Ibeprofun whilst at work. (It fucks with your mind man)
Thursday: I just now realized that was yesterday, and that I forgot to take out the damn trash, I am surprised my dad hasn't cut off my other testicle for not doing it yet...Well Thursday was uneventful until about 7 o'clock, when i get a call from a Saysan asking for a ride from Kelsey's house to her house, I obliged, for the right price, and went on out there to pick them up. When I got there they were like, "Hurry up, we need to get out to Shadow Lake before 9, because they close at 12", I said "Who is taking you to Shadow Lake", she said "Why you are". After that there was a long awkward pause, then I asked them how much they would pay me, needless to say, it wasn't enough. I took them to Saysan's house to get ready, then quickly went to Dioko's to give Jessica Johnson her present, and then teleported back to Saysan's to pick them up. Somehow I ended up driving 4 incredibly hot girls, in my car, around for about 30 minutes (it was already 9 by that point), until we made our way over to Nick "Fake Jew" Lawson's house, him and Keenan were going too. Finally at about 10:30 we got on the road, and somehow it ended up that Maher was following us there. After the 45 minute drive to Noel, we got out of the car, and then Kelsey proceeded to lock my keys in the back seat. So we went in and started partying anyways, I was incredibly preoccupied with the thought of how to get my keys out of my damn car to dance at all, it was a shame, because i could have chosen nearly any of the ugly slutty girls showing off their not to impressive bodies there. After 45 minutes they kicked everyone the hell out of there and we were all stuck on the street, until some girl overdosed on ecstasy and began to stop breathing and start thrashing out and overheating. Then we had 13 separate cop cars show up, 2 fire trucks, and 3 ambulances, needless to say, everyone scrambled to get the hell out of Noel, while me and my little party were stuck outside my car trying to break in. After two hours and having all the incredibly huge and strong security guys try to use a clothes hanger to open it up, and nearly opting for the "break the motherfucking window" plan a few times, we finally were able to hook my keys and pry my door open enough to pull them out. By this time it was 2 am and the girls talked me into driving 80 mph on the way home. We got back to Ashley and Andrea Burgee's house, and dropped them off, I stopped inside for a minute to get a drink of water. By the time I got back outside the first thing I noticed was that my lights were on, I called myself a dumbass and proceeded to get inside and start the car. The first thing I noticed was that my keys weren't in the ignition and something under the hood was running, at this point I yelled "POLTERGEIST" and started running myself, after I had been coaxed back to my car, I got inside and noticed something that was fucked up. The light switch was off, and the right turn signal indicator was perpetually on, not blinking or bling blinging, but just a solid on. At about this point I said to myself, "what the hell is going on", then I noticed the cell phone charger plugged into the broken cigarette lighter and I knew at that point my car was incredibly fucked. I started my car, and it sounded like it was going to just roll over and die like Marlon Brando. I ended up driving Saysan and Kelsey over to Damien's house, and then sat there and tried to think out my dilemma, my headlights were perpetually on, as was my right turn signal/parking light, something had fried my entire wiring inside my car, which would've been the cell phone charger plugged into the cigarette lighter, because Mazda's are basically one big computer, it is all wires. My engine was on its last dying gasps because I had driven 80 mph for 35 miles, which my car can not handle, since it is packing about as much power as a push lawnmower underneath the hood. I limped my car home and unplugged the battery, hoping that the repairs wouldn't cost anything more than me giving road head to the mechanic, because I currently don't have the money to pay for the repairs. Oh yeah, the AC broke too.
Friday: I slept in till 3, and tried to kill myself by suffocating me with a pillow, if it worked in "One Flew Over the Coo-Coo's Nest" then it should work with me, the problem was i only had my scrawny ass arms, and not a 350 pound indian on top of me, so needless to say it didn't work. At 5 I went to work and dredged through the rest of the day until now. My car is sitting out in front of my house with the battery unplugged since that is the only thing which will keep the headlights off, and it doesn't like to run like it did, when it is standing still it seems to cough like a lifetime chain smoker, and shake like Muhammad Ali. So I desperately need donations for the repairs...
Latest News: One good thing that happened the past few days was I made out with two chicks at the same time. Cue Office Space, "If you had a million dollars what would you do?" "Two chicks at the same time"...Woo hoo, I was halfway there with 13 dollars!!
RARG I'VE GOT AIDS, BEASTMAN AIDS!!!
Sorry, i have that CKY song Skelator Vs. Beastman stuck in my head...
Want to learn about everything about drugs in America?
I want to move to Norway, and I don't fucking know why...
I trust guys with longer hair than shorter hair, my reason being, every single crooked business executive has short hair, Alex Johnson had short hair, Jesus *supposedly* had long hair (even though I consider myself agnostic, I trust the true message he taught even though no one truly follows it, and if he did, i trust him), guys with longer hair are more generally stoners than guys with short hair, you can trust stoners to be stoners, stoners are generally to stoned to even attempt to screw you over, mullets, and last but not least most football players have short hair, whilst many soccer players wear their hair long!!
That was fucked up...
Mcdonald County bans nude canoeing.
For the nude canoeing association webpage click here
Currently Listening to: Better Than Ezra - Good
Currently eating: Nothing, my mouth still fucking hurts
Currently smelling: Old Spice mixed with the oily remains of what got on my face at Casa Montez, nasty...
Currently reading: Filthy's review of Anchorman
Currently worshipping: Yes its sad, Gabe, you taught me the html I needed to add links, making this website much more enjoyable.
Current Number of Stalkers: 3
George W. Bush, you and your little dog Rumsfeld are fucking morons, seeing how you are an alcoholic, I am surprised you haven't tried to drink him yet, since his name starts with RUM...
Peace, Suicide, Sprint
Tuesday: Maher and I spent 2 glorious hours at Ichiban Sushi, we ate and watched the guy win his first million on Jeopardy, then ate a little more, since it was all sushi, I practically had an orgasm after every bite (thank you Unagi), and it was damn good. About 6 hours later I was getting ready to go to a birthday party for Chris Pena out at Tommy's. When Shayan calls me and trys to play Joe Cool by acting like he isn't at the party, and he doesn't know about it. Nice try you crazy Persian bastard, I had already been told by people you were there, and I had already known about it 3 days in advance. You forget I go to nearly every party they throw. Then Maher called and told me that the party was out of alcohol, so I brought my rather large stash. After about 20 minutes at the party, all the alcohol I had hidden in the back room suddenly disappeared after many of the JHS students who showed up to the party left. After a small search party combed the house, I got a report that a fatass motherfucker named Alex Johnson had stolen the alcohol I brought. In fact, someone had stopped him at the door and asked him why he was taking it from the party, he had said it was his, the catch was he hadn't brought any. So this with an incredibly generic name is running around with my booze, consisting of 1 bottle of Captain Morgan's, 1 bottle of Absolut vodka, and 1 bottle of Baccardi 151 (aka expensive shit that gets you fucked up fast). So began the shitty days ahead.
Wednesday: I woke up bright and early at 11:30 to go to the orthodontist (the same one who has a street named after him near where I live). I got there sat in the chair and watched "I Love the 90's: 1992", whilst they put the bottom braces on my lips in their second effort to kill me in a benign manner by having the braces cut my lips until i bleed to death. Then suddenly between clips of MC Hammer and Ross Perot it hit me, all the pieces began to fall into place. Why else would they name a road after an orthodontist that does nothing but lead to a Cracker Barrel (they sell t-shirts) and a strip mall that contained nothing but clothing stores, the orthodontists were controlled by the fashion mafia. There are only two pieces of evidence that I need (and have) to expose the truth...
1) Braces make people look ugly, so then they go out and buy everything they can to make themselves look beautiful, and to hide the fact they have 3 pounds of metal glued to their pearly whites.
2) The 3-5 days after receiving braces it makes it impossible to eat anything more solid than high quality H2O due to the fact that your mouth is to cut up and your teeth to sure chew anything. Thus people notice that they lose from 5-10 pounds during those days, sparking an anorexic craze in people so that they can fit into the latest rage in clothing, which they only make in size XXS.
It is simply another ploy by the fashion (and anorexia) mafia to control us into buying their textiles. For more information and proof that the fashion mafia is behind everything, go here.
Nothing else interesting happened that day, I ate my last solid meal about an hour after the orthodontist and overdosed on Ibeprofun whilst at work. (It fucks with your mind man)
Thursday: I just now realized that was yesterday, and that I forgot to take out the damn trash, I am surprised my dad hasn't cut off my other testicle for not doing it yet...Well Thursday was uneventful until about 7 o'clock, when i get a call from a Saysan asking for a ride from Kelsey's house to her house, I obliged, for the right price, and went on out there to pick them up. When I got there they were like, "Hurry up, we need to get out to Shadow Lake before 9, because they close at 12", I said "Who is taking you to Shadow Lake", she said "Why you are". After that there was a long awkward pause, then I asked them how much they would pay me, needless to say, it wasn't enough. I took them to Saysan's house to get ready, then quickly went to Dioko's to give Jessica Johnson her present, and then teleported back to Saysan's to pick them up. Somehow I ended up driving 4 incredibly hot girls, in my car, around for about 30 minutes (it was already 9 by that point), until we made our way over to Nick "Fake Jew" Lawson's house, him and Keenan were going too. Finally at about 10:30 we got on the road, and somehow it ended up that Maher was following us there. After the 45 minute drive to Noel, we got out of the car, and then Kelsey proceeded to lock my keys in the back seat. So we went in and started partying anyways, I was incredibly preoccupied with the thought of how to get my keys out of my damn car to dance at all, it was a shame, because i could have chosen nearly any of the ugly slutty girls showing off their not to impressive bodies there. After 45 minutes they kicked everyone the hell out of there and we were all stuck on the street, until some girl overdosed on ecstasy and began to stop breathing and start thrashing out and overheating. Then we had 13 separate cop cars show up, 2 fire trucks, and 3 ambulances, needless to say, everyone scrambled to get the hell out of Noel, while me and my little party were stuck outside my car trying to break in. After two hours and having all the incredibly huge and strong security guys try to use a clothes hanger to open it up, and nearly opting for the "break the motherfucking window" plan a few times, we finally were able to hook my keys and pry my door open enough to pull them out. By this time it was 2 am and the girls talked me into driving 80 mph on the way home. We got back to Ashley and Andrea Burgee's house, and dropped them off, I stopped inside for a minute to get a drink of water. By the time I got back outside the first thing I noticed was that my lights were on, I called myself a dumbass and proceeded to get inside and start the car. The first thing I noticed was that my keys weren't in the ignition and something under the hood was running, at this point I yelled "POLTERGEIST" and started running myself, after I had been coaxed back to my car, I got inside and noticed something that was fucked up. The light switch was off, and the right turn signal indicator was perpetually on, not blinking or bling blinging, but just a solid on. At about this point I said to myself, "what the hell is going on", then I noticed the cell phone charger plugged into the broken cigarette lighter and I knew at that point my car was incredibly fucked. I started my car, and it sounded like it was going to just roll over and die like Marlon Brando. I ended up driving Saysan and Kelsey over to Damien's house, and then sat there and tried to think out my dilemma, my headlights were perpetually on, as was my right turn signal/parking light, something had fried my entire wiring inside my car, which would've been the cell phone charger plugged into the cigarette lighter, because Mazda's are basically one big computer, it is all wires. My engine was on its last dying gasps because I had driven 80 mph for 35 miles, which my car can not handle, since it is packing about as much power as a push lawnmower underneath the hood. I limped my car home and unplugged the battery, hoping that the repairs wouldn't cost anything more than me giving road head to the mechanic, because I currently don't have the money to pay for the repairs. Oh yeah, the AC broke too.
Friday: I slept in till 3, and tried to kill myself by suffocating me with a pillow, if it worked in "One Flew Over the Coo-Coo's Nest" then it should work with me, the problem was i only had my scrawny ass arms, and not a 350 pound indian on top of me, so needless to say it didn't work. At 5 I went to work and dredged through the rest of the day until now. My car is sitting out in front of my house with the battery unplugged since that is the only thing which will keep the headlights off, and it doesn't like to run like it did, when it is standing still it seems to cough like a lifetime chain smoker, and shake like Muhammad Ali. So I desperately need donations for the repairs...
Latest News: One good thing that happened the past few days was I made out with two chicks at the same time. Cue Office Space, "If you had a million dollars what would you do?" "Two chicks at the same time"...Woo hoo, I was halfway there with 13 dollars!!
RARG I'VE GOT AIDS, BEASTMAN AIDS!!!
Sorry, i have that CKY song Skelator Vs. Beastman stuck in my head...
Want to learn about everything about drugs in America?
I want to move to Norway, and I don't fucking know why...
I trust guys with longer hair than shorter hair, my reason being, every single crooked business executive has short hair, Alex Johnson had short hair, Jesus *supposedly* had long hair (even though I consider myself agnostic, I trust the true message he taught even though no one truly follows it, and if he did, i trust him), guys with longer hair are more generally stoners than guys with short hair, you can trust stoners to be stoners, stoners are generally to stoned to even attempt to screw you over, mullets, and last but not least most football players have short hair, whilst many soccer players wear their hair long!!
That was fucked up...
I am so fucking cursed when it comes to air conditioning, first my house AC, now my car AC, who wants to bet when we get back to school, because of my karma the AC will be fucked up.
Mcdonald County bans nude canoeing.
For the nude canoeing association webpage click here
Currently Listening to: Better Than Ezra - Good
Currently eating: Nothing, my mouth still fucking hurts
Currently smelling: Old Spice mixed with the oily remains of what got on my face at Casa Montez, nasty...
Currently reading: Filthy's review of Anchorman
Currently worshipping: Yes its sad, Gabe, you taught me the html I needed to add links, making this website much more enjoyable.
Current Number of Stalkers: 3
George W. Bush, you and your little dog Rumsfeld are fucking morons, seeing how you are an alcoholic, I am surprised you haven't tried to drink him yet, since his name starts with RUM...
Peace, Suicide, Sprint
Jul 11, 2004
I'm Rockin' the Suburbs
Alright people still reading my blog, I am going to start updating more often, because the magic is kinda gone when I don't....
Thursday: I forgot what I did Thursday, strange...
Friday: I went to work, showed up an hour late, that is the exact same shit that got me fired from Shakey's. Other than that I don't remember either...i must be getting alzheimers, shit...
Saturday: I went to Hastings and got a birthday present for Jessica, went to work, again, then after that Kristy called me and told me about a bitchen party out in Silver Creek. I went on out there, got directions through the maze that was out there, nearly died when the road sharply turned. After I got to the party many of my McAuly and TJ friends were there, we all hung out for a long time and had fun, it was good. After that I found my way home and then went over to Caitlin's for a bit, then went home.
Sunday: Slept in to about 3:30, then went to work at 5, talked to Kristy for a bit, and now here I sit, life fucking rocks doesn't it?
In my last post I promised to tell everyone about Jim and Irina, completely different people, with fucked up stories...
Jim: He has been my dads friend for many years, since they both lived in Lincoln. Jim is an incredibly interesting person, he is an intense chain smoker, goes through maybe 2 packs a day. He claims to be psychic, and is always telling us about his strange visions, or his encounters with ghosts. He is the biggest conspiracy theorist on this side of of the Mason Dixon Line, he is pretty much second only to my cousin who lives in Portland and was perpetually on heroin for about 12 years of his life. Jim never wears deodorant, and it gets so fucking nasty, that if you are down wind from him you pass out. Jim visited us about two years ago, and brought his wife Mary, who apparently was also incredibly psychic, yet she couldn't foresee her own death. She died on out property whilst they were staying here taking care of the animal, it is strange, because Jim says he sees her ghost on our property when he is here, yet I have never seen a fucking poltergeist, so i think that Jim has just done to many drugs, or his perpetually body odor has affected his brain. Other than all of that, Jim is a very cool guy, and he is pretty hip with the happenings, when he isn't linking them to aliens, psychics, ghosts, black magic, and the dark side of the CIA.
Irina: My dad met Irina when we were in Russia when I was 6. They had an affair, my mom found out, and my parents almost broke up and they had a long drawn out 3 year hate each other period. Then something weird happened, my mom and Irina became very good friends, in fact, they were like best friends, and it created a love triangle between them. Now, since they are all over 50, you can imagine that is some NASTY ASS SHIT. I walked in on them all once, watching a fucking porno, and rubbing each other, I mean come on, these are my damn parents and this Russian lady that had an affair with my dad when I was 6. So basically I really don't like her, I don't care how much of a nice lady she is. Because of her and my dad, I practically cried myself to sleep every night because I was afraid my dad was going to run off with Irina, and leave me and my mom. Irina is a badass cook, I will admit that, she can fuck my dad all she wants as long as she cooks me a real meal, not this vegetable shit my mom makes. Irina cooks some hardcore Russian food, that and cleaning the kitchen is all she is good for.
Latest news: I put in my 2 weeks notice at Casa Montez, which made me incredibly happy, I am now going to be rid of that smoky grease pit. The most unmexican Mexican restraunt ever, it is a fucking MexiCANT!!
I think i set a record for saying the word "fuck" in this post, i don't know why i even feel like using it so much tonight.
I am still a fucking Japanese cowboy.
Bobby Buffets ex girlfriend tried to add me on that annoying Hi5 shit (it breeds stalkers), i didn't let her because she has more of a moustache than me...
I lost my drivers license, so basically I am not legal to drive right now.
I stopped by that little "party" store by Hastings, and I expected to pick up some hardcore party stuff, I walk in there and ask for a few things, the conversation went a little like this:
Sprint: Um, hey, can you point me in the direction of the kegs? I looked all over the store, I figured they would be between the cards and the candy, but I couldn't find them...
Worker: Excuse me sir? I don't believe we sell those...
Sprint: Oh alright, so can you show me where the beer bongs are, the closest thing I saw were these little funnel like things for blowing into and filling balloons...
Worker: What is a beer bong? (she was about 50)
Sprint: Never mind that, do you sell shot glasses, I am looking for triple shots, a friend of mine is having a party tonight, and he is a little low on shot glasses...
Worker: Sir, this isn't a liquor store, we sell goods for parties.
Sprint: God, what kind of parties do old people throw?! In that case, what can I buy here?
Worker: Would you like a bouquet of balloons?
Sprint: Can I get just one balloon?
Worker: Yes you can, the cost is $.79.
Sprint: Alright, I'll just take one of those, and this birthday card for my friend Jessica.
So basically that "party" store, isn't for parties at all, they sell no alcohol, and no alcohol periphanelia, the closest I could get would be plastic cups...
Currently listening to: The New Pornographers - From Blown Speakers
Currently reading: http://www.collegehumor.com/ (Gabe i need help putting links on here, my lack of html knowledge is fucking killing me on the template)
Currently eating: Some damn good mushroom shit Irina made, she needs to come to the US more often, then I could actually gain some damn weight.
Currently talking to: Chelsey, Steph, Brittany
Dick Cheney is fucking scary, and George W. Bush is a fucking moron.
Peace, New Porno, Sprint...
Thursday: I forgot what I did Thursday, strange...
Friday: I went to work, showed up an hour late, that is the exact same shit that got me fired from Shakey's. Other than that I don't remember either...i must be getting alzheimers, shit...
Saturday: I went to Hastings and got a birthday present for Jessica, went to work, again, then after that Kristy called me and told me about a bitchen party out in Silver Creek. I went on out there, got directions through the maze that was out there, nearly died when the road sharply turned. After I got to the party many of my McAuly and TJ friends were there, we all hung out for a long time and had fun, it was good. After that I found my way home and then went over to Caitlin's for a bit, then went home.
Sunday: Slept in to about 3:30, then went to work at 5, talked to Kristy for a bit, and now here I sit, life fucking rocks doesn't it?
In my last post I promised to tell everyone about Jim and Irina, completely different people, with fucked up stories...
Jim: He has been my dads friend for many years, since they both lived in Lincoln. Jim is an incredibly interesting person, he is an intense chain smoker, goes through maybe 2 packs a day. He claims to be psychic, and is always telling us about his strange visions, or his encounters with ghosts. He is the biggest conspiracy theorist on this side of of the Mason Dixon Line, he is pretty much second only to my cousin who lives in Portland and was perpetually on heroin for about 12 years of his life. Jim never wears deodorant, and it gets so fucking nasty, that if you are down wind from him you pass out. Jim visited us about two years ago, and brought his wife Mary, who apparently was also incredibly psychic, yet she couldn't foresee her own death. She died on out property whilst they were staying here taking care of the animal, it is strange, because Jim says he sees her ghost on our property when he is here, yet I have never seen a fucking poltergeist, so i think that Jim has just done to many drugs, or his perpetually body odor has affected his brain. Other than all of that, Jim is a very cool guy, and he is pretty hip with the happenings, when he isn't linking them to aliens, psychics, ghosts, black magic, and the dark side of the CIA.
Irina: My dad met Irina when we were in Russia when I was 6. They had an affair, my mom found out, and my parents almost broke up and they had a long drawn out 3 year hate each other period. Then something weird happened, my mom and Irina became very good friends, in fact, they were like best friends, and it created a love triangle between them. Now, since they are all over 50, you can imagine that is some NASTY ASS SHIT. I walked in on them all once, watching a fucking porno, and rubbing each other, I mean come on, these are my damn parents and this Russian lady that had an affair with my dad when I was 6. So basically I really don't like her, I don't care how much of a nice lady she is. Because of her and my dad, I practically cried myself to sleep every night because I was afraid my dad was going to run off with Irina, and leave me and my mom. Irina is a badass cook, I will admit that, she can fuck my dad all she wants as long as she cooks me a real meal, not this vegetable shit my mom makes. Irina cooks some hardcore Russian food, that and cleaning the kitchen is all she is good for.
Latest news: I put in my 2 weeks notice at Casa Montez, which made me incredibly happy, I am now going to be rid of that smoky grease pit. The most unmexican Mexican restraunt ever, it is a fucking MexiCANT!!
I think i set a record for saying the word "fuck" in this post, i don't know why i even feel like using it so much tonight.
I am still a fucking Japanese cowboy.
Bobby Buffets ex girlfriend tried to add me on that annoying Hi5 shit (it breeds stalkers), i didn't let her because she has more of a moustache than me...
I lost my drivers license, so basically I am not legal to drive right now.
I stopped by that little "party" store by Hastings, and I expected to pick up some hardcore party stuff, I walk in there and ask for a few things, the conversation went a little like this:
Sprint: Um, hey, can you point me in the direction of the kegs? I looked all over the store, I figured they would be between the cards and the candy, but I couldn't find them...
Worker: Excuse me sir? I don't believe we sell those...
Sprint: Oh alright, so can you show me where the beer bongs are, the closest thing I saw were these little funnel like things for blowing into and filling balloons...
Worker: What is a beer bong? (she was about 50)
Sprint: Never mind that, do you sell shot glasses, I am looking for triple shots, a friend of mine is having a party tonight, and he is a little low on shot glasses...
Worker: Sir, this isn't a liquor store, we sell goods for parties.
Sprint: God, what kind of parties do old people throw?! In that case, what can I buy here?
Worker: Would you like a bouquet of balloons?
Sprint: Can I get just one balloon?
Worker: Yes you can, the cost is $.79.
Sprint: Alright, I'll just take one of those, and this birthday card for my friend Jessica.
So basically that "party" store, isn't for parties at all, they sell no alcohol, and no alcohol periphanelia, the closest I could get would be plastic cups...
Currently listening to: The New Pornographers - From Blown Speakers
Currently reading: http://www.collegehumor.com/ (Gabe i need help putting links on here, my lack of html knowledge is fucking killing me on the template)
Currently eating: Some damn good mushroom shit Irina made, she needs to come to the US more often, then I could actually gain some damn weight.
Currently talking to: Chelsey, Steph, Brittany
Dick Cheney is fucking scary, and George W. Bush is a fucking moron.
Peace, New Porno, Sprint...
Jul 7, 2004
5 day hiatus
It has been 5 long days since I last updated, and they have been some of the most crazy days of the summer so far. I have been to busy to update recently, and this will be a long post, just a warning, I will break it up into days for convenience.
Saturday: On Saturday, Maher came over in the afternoon, and we went out to get some sushi, on the way out we made the fateful decision to talk to my dad, and Maher said the most stupid thing which I have ever heard in my life. As a joke, he said "The best way to punish Aaron would be to take away his cell phone." My dad instantly agreed and took the cell phone from Maher's outstretched hands, so as of right now, I still don't have my cell phone back, and am currently suffering from cell phone withdrawal. Later, I went to work, it was very easy and fun for some reason, after that I rushed on over to a Russian party that my parents friends were having, so began the fun. At the party there were a lot of people, most of them I had never met, and didn't bother even trying to talk to since they were Russian, old, and drunk; whilst I was 16, American, and sober. There were a couple of exceptions, such as the 16 year old, incredibly fine Russian girl who spoke no English whatsoever, but tried to talk to me nonetheless, it involved a lot of shaking of the head and pointing at various objects. So then her mom thought I would make a great tutor for this hot Russian girl, who spoke no English, I immediately, (being male), thought it was a great idea, the only problem was I don't know any Russian. So I have no been chartered as a tutor to a Russian girl my age, and neither one of us can speak the others language...this will be a lot of fun. Also at the party there was a LOT of alcohol, and I managed to sneak some out, but it disappeared the next night very fast I'm sad to say...The main selling point of this party was not the alcohol, or the Russian girls, or even the two young American girls, it was the $6,000 dollars worth of fireworks that the host of the party had bought. He had everything that shot out flaming balls high into the sky, he had them set up into 3 stations, the giant boxes filled with gunpowder, the artillery shells, and the incredibly giant boxes filled with gunpowder. I was running the artillery shell section, and there were a lot of them, 14 different tubes to be exact, and I had to keep them going nonstop. Needless to say, the fourth one i put in was upside down, and I didn't realize it until I saw the sparks fly up into the air, and no giant buttplug rocketed out. I was maybe right next to it when that happened, and I just stood frozen for a second and thought to myself, "I am SO fucked", so after the second of fear, I simply dove away in the first clear direction, suddenly there was a huge flash, and a giant boom, and little flaming balls started flying in every direction. When the explosion occurred I was about 3 feet away, and the little flaming balls shot right at me, somehow I got incredibly lucky, and they just burned the hell out of my arm and my work shirt, if I had not been wearing a shirt, I would've had more than just 5 places where the flaming balls stuck to my skin. So when I got up, half of the tubes were completely vaporized, and my ears were ringing so loud I couldn't hear the explosions from the other two stations that were shooting at the same time. Needless to say, the show went on, and I simply sucked up the pain from the burn and kept on burning up that rich man's money.
Sunday:Sunday morning started off with a huge storm, one which I like to call Hurricane Sprint. It woke me up at about 6:50, and I put some clothes on, and just went outside to watch the storm which i named after myself, it was actually quite a beautiful sight, seeing the trees ripped to splinters, the wind howling in every direction, the hail pounding my car, it rocked. I guess god was a little pissed about the fact that his firework plan didn't kill me, (I'm to quick bitch), the storm subsided after about a half an hour, the sun came out, and all was happy again. After that I went back to sleep, and woke up again around 1, walked down to Jorn and Anissa's house and we all decided to go pick up to bottles of alcohol which he had taken from the gigantic stash that was left when My Club went down, (their parents owned it), the problem was it was way out in Carl Junction at their grandmothers house, so we all decided to go out and pick it up. When we got there, the bottles were missing, and we didn't want to leave empty handed, so we decided to break into her garage, and make off with some liquor. So after about 10 minutes of unsuccessful attempts, I decided to get a ladder, and climb up to the attic window. After I made it up there, I simply punched through the screen, ripped it out, and did a pull-up to get up by the window, then I somehow wriggled myself through the 1 foot wide opening and climbed down to the ground floor, where I was greeted by the sight of more alcohol in one place than I had ever seen, other than in a liquor store, which this could've passed for. I quickly opened a window and we scrambled inside and made off with 8 full bottles of alcohol, 4 Baccardi of various types, 2 Whiskeys, 1 vodka, and one tequila. After that we high-tailed it out of there, since we had just broke and entered a...shed. So yes, I robbed a grandmother, am I more of a badass for doing so? I don't know but i can now say I robbed a fucking grandmother. (Although my mom is older than their grandmother, it was a storage shed, she doesn't drink, and she probably would've given us some if she had been home and we had asked.) After that, we all chilled and watched Anger Management for a bit, then I waited till about 9 o'clock and went out to Eric's house for the party he was supposed to be having. I got there and there were no cars, so I knew something was up, Alex was in the driveway and he told me that the party had been moved to Carthage. I had brought a bottle of Baccardi Limon which we had taken earlier in the day. So we drove all the way out to Carthage, and the party was at this HUGE ASS mansion, with a bunch of people I didn't know besides the ones I showed up with, and Katherine and Lauren. They decided to kick all the people under 21 out after a bit, so we got one of the older guys to buy us two twelve packs, and we all headed back to Tommy's where a nice sized party brewed. At Tommy's we lit off some fireworks and had a good time until i went home...
Monday:Monday I slept in to about 12, and then Maher came over for a bit, we shot off some fireworks, and then we went down to Jorn's and shot off some more fireworks until Jorn's dad thought it would be funny to hit us with bottle rockets, repeatedly, those little fuckers hurt when they hit you, and I ruined my second shirt on the wonderful holiday dedicated to blowing shit up. So we all ran up to my house and called Jonnah, she told us that Eric was having a party, and that we should all go over there. So we all went into my car and showed up at a bitchen party. Maher and Jorn took my car to get some of the liquor which we took from the grandma, (god i can't believe i stole from a grandmother), and I stayed there and met some people, namely Whitney and Samantha from Willard, they were really cool girls, and we talked for a long time. Then someone had the wonderful idea to play a little Circle of Death, and awesome drinking game, I joined in figuring, I was well overdue for a drinking game, and joined in, it was a lot of fun. Basically for the rest of the night I just talked to people outside until Jorn got sick and I had to take him home, I am also never taking Jorn to a party again, he is a chain-smoking alcoholic moron, and the little pecker puked on my car. After we got him home, Maher and I headed back to the party for a bit, then went home and slept for the huge day that was coming, Worlds of Fun day.
Worlds of Fun day: I woke up bright, early, and hungover. Maher and Hannah came and we started the long trek up to north KC to get to the world where fun times are scarce the 8th time you have been there. The second ride we rode got us soaked (it was new, and really cool though), the Orient Express was gone, and it was 5 dollars for a wimpy hamburger. Other than that, we all had a great time, being with your friends only, with no one looking over your shoulder and keeping you in check, we could do anything. Basically we rode every ride in the park once or twice, and the Mamba 4 times, it was great. Another high point of the trip was watching the two sparrows have sex on top of a sign while in line for the Mamba. They were really going at it, and it was actually kind of sick, because I could see the bird's vagina, and it was loose, so the male bird must've been carrying quite a package, he was a regular Rasputin. I don't really want to go into to much detail here, but I will say that they tried doggy style and missionary, the train took off before the moneyshot though. The trip was a lot of fun, and we had a great time, even though we could've used a fourth person so I wouldn't have to ride alone on the roller coaster, but it was all good. We all came home and were incredibly tired, but Maher and I visited Caitlin and her friend, watched some family guy, and went home to bed.
Today: I sat around and did nothing, Irina my parents friend is staying with us from Russia, and my dad's friend Jim came to visit for a bit from New Mexico, I will talk about them later, they are interesting individuals...
I am going to skip a funny section and a latest news section for today, since I wrote a fucking novel for the rest of it, so if you are looking for the part where I try to be funny, bite me you no talent ass clown. So don't wake me I plan on sleeping in...
Peace, The Postal Service, Sprint
Saturday: On Saturday, Maher came over in the afternoon, and we went out to get some sushi, on the way out we made the fateful decision to talk to my dad, and Maher said the most stupid thing which I have ever heard in my life. As a joke, he said "The best way to punish Aaron would be to take away his cell phone." My dad instantly agreed and took the cell phone from Maher's outstretched hands, so as of right now, I still don't have my cell phone back, and am currently suffering from cell phone withdrawal. Later, I went to work, it was very easy and fun for some reason, after that I rushed on over to a Russian party that my parents friends were having, so began the fun. At the party there were a lot of people, most of them I had never met, and didn't bother even trying to talk to since they were Russian, old, and drunk; whilst I was 16, American, and sober. There were a couple of exceptions, such as the 16 year old, incredibly fine Russian girl who spoke no English whatsoever, but tried to talk to me nonetheless, it involved a lot of shaking of the head and pointing at various objects. So then her mom thought I would make a great tutor for this hot Russian girl, who spoke no English, I immediately, (being male), thought it was a great idea, the only problem was I don't know any Russian. So I have no been chartered as a tutor to a Russian girl my age, and neither one of us can speak the others language...this will be a lot of fun. Also at the party there was a LOT of alcohol, and I managed to sneak some out, but it disappeared the next night very fast I'm sad to say...The main selling point of this party was not the alcohol, or the Russian girls, or even the two young American girls, it was the $6,000 dollars worth of fireworks that the host of the party had bought. He had everything that shot out flaming balls high into the sky, he had them set up into 3 stations, the giant boxes filled with gunpowder, the artillery shells, and the incredibly giant boxes filled with gunpowder. I was running the artillery shell section, and there were a lot of them, 14 different tubes to be exact, and I had to keep them going nonstop. Needless to say, the fourth one i put in was upside down, and I didn't realize it until I saw the sparks fly up into the air, and no giant buttplug rocketed out. I was maybe right next to it when that happened, and I just stood frozen for a second and thought to myself, "I am SO fucked", so after the second of fear, I simply dove away in the first clear direction, suddenly there was a huge flash, and a giant boom, and little flaming balls started flying in every direction. When the explosion occurred I was about 3 feet away, and the little flaming balls shot right at me, somehow I got incredibly lucky, and they just burned the hell out of my arm and my work shirt, if I had not been wearing a shirt, I would've had more than just 5 places where the flaming balls stuck to my skin. So when I got up, half of the tubes were completely vaporized, and my ears were ringing so loud I couldn't hear the explosions from the other two stations that were shooting at the same time. Needless to say, the show went on, and I simply sucked up the pain from the burn and kept on burning up that rich man's money.
Sunday:Sunday morning started off with a huge storm, one which I like to call Hurricane Sprint. It woke me up at about 6:50, and I put some clothes on, and just went outside to watch the storm which i named after myself, it was actually quite a beautiful sight, seeing the trees ripped to splinters, the wind howling in every direction, the hail pounding my car, it rocked. I guess god was a little pissed about the fact that his firework plan didn't kill me, (I'm to quick bitch), the storm subsided after about a half an hour, the sun came out, and all was happy again. After that I went back to sleep, and woke up again around 1, walked down to Jorn and Anissa's house and we all decided to go pick up to bottles of alcohol which he had taken from the gigantic stash that was left when My Club went down, (their parents owned it), the problem was it was way out in Carl Junction at their grandmothers house, so we all decided to go out and pick it up. When we got there, the bottles were missing, and we didn't want to leave empty handed, so we decided to break into her garage, and make off with some liquor. So after about 10 minutes of unsuccessful attempts, I decided to get a ladder, and climb up to the attic window. After I made it up there, I simply punched through the screen, ripped it out, and did a pull-up to get up by the window, then I somehow wriggled myself through the 1 foot wide opening and climbed down to the ground floor, where I was greeted by the sight of more alcohol in one place than I had ever seen, other than in a liquor store, which this could've passed for. I quickly opened a window and we scrambled inside and made off with 8 full bottles of alcohol, 4 Baccardi of various types, 2 Whiskeys, 1 vodka, and one tequila. After that we high-tailed it out of there, since we had just broke and entered a...shed. So yes, I robbed a grandmother, am I more of a badass for doing so? I don't know but i can now say I robbed a fucking grandmother. (Although my mom is older than their grandmother, it was a storage shed, she doesn't drink, and she probably would've given us some if she had been home and we had asked.) After that, we all chilled and watched Anger Management for a bit, then I waited till about 9 o'clock and went out to Eric's house for the party he was supposed to be having. I got there and there were no cars, so I knew something was up, Alex was in the driveway and he told me that the party had been moved to Carthage. I had brought a bottle of Baccardi Limon which we had taken earlier in the day. So we drove all the way out to Carthage, and the party was at this HUGE ASS mansion, with a bunch of people I didn't know besides the ones I showed up with, and Katherine and Lauren. They decided to kick all the people under 21 out after a bit, so we got one of the older guys to buy us two twelve packs, and we all headed back to Tommy's where a nice sized party brewed. At Tommy's we lit off some fireworks and had a good time until i went home...
Monday:Monday I slept in to about 12, and then Maher came over for a bit, we shot off some fireworks, and then we went down to Jorn's and shot off some more fireworks until Jorn's dad thought it would be funny to hit us with bottle rockets, repeatedly, those little fuckers hurt when they hit you, and I ruined my second shirt on the wonderful holiday dedicated to blowing shit up. So we all ran up to my house and called Jonnah, she told us that Eric was having a party, and that we should all go over there. So we all went into my car and showed up at a bitchen party. Maher and Jorn took my car to get some of the liquor which we took from the grandma, (god i can't believe i stole from a grandmother), and I stayed there and met some people, namely Whitney and Samantha from Willard, they were really cool girls, and we talked for a long time. Then someone had the wonderful idea to play a little Circle of Death, and awesome drinking game, I joined in figuring, I was well overdue for a drinking game, and joined in, it was a lot of fun. Basically for the rest of the night I just talked to people outside until Jorn got sick and I had to take him home, I am also never taking Jorn to a party again, he is a chain-smoking alcoholic moron, and the little pecker puked on my car. After we got him home, Maher and I headed back to the party for a bit, then went home and slept for the huge day that was coming, Worlds of Fun day.
Worlds of Fun day: I woke up bright, early, and hungover. Maher and Hannah came and we started the long trek up to north KC to get to the world where fun times are scarce the 8th time you have been there. The second ride we rode got us soaked (it was new, and really cool though), the Orient Express was gone, and it was 5 dollars for a wimpy hamburger. Other than that, we all had a great time, being with your friends only, with no one looking over your shoulder and keeping you in check, we could do anything. Basically we rode every ride in the park once or twice, and the Mamba 4 times, it was great. Another high point of the trip was watching the two sparrows have sex on top of a sign while in line for the Mamba. They were really going at it, and it was actually kind of sick, because I could see the bird's vagina, and it was loose, so the male bird must've been carrying quite a package, he was a regular Rasputin. I don't really want to go into to much detail here, but I will say that they tried doggy style and missionary, the train took off before the moneyshot though. The trip was a lot of fun, and we had a great time, even though we could've used a fourth person so I wouldn't have to ride alone on the roller coaster, but it was all good. We all came home and were incredibly tired, but Maher and I visited Caitlin and her friend, watched some family guy, and went home to bed.
Today: I sat around and did nothing, Irina my parents friend is staying with us from Russia, and my dad's friend Jim came to visit for a bit from New Mexico, I will talk about them later, they are interesting individuals...
I am going to skip a funny section and a latest news section for today, since I wrote a fucking novel for the rest of it, so if you are looking for the part where I try to be funny, bite me you no talent ass clown. So don't wake me I plan on sleeping in...
Peace, The Postal Service, Sprint
Jul 4, 2004
That is the burn from having an artillary shell blow up 2 feet away from me. It may look small and insignifigant, but it is a deep burn and hurts like hell, if I hadn't been wearing a shirt, my whole arm would be like that..and yes, you guess it, I am really just doing this as an excuse to show me topless...but I will tell the entire story of that crazy night in my next post, stay tuned.
Jul 2, 2004
Damn you...
Well, I finally return after a two day absence, just letting the quotes sink in, and be laughed at. So the past couple of days have been eventful to say the least. Wednesday I went to weights, then chilled around the house, went to work, and made 30 bucks, which is pretty good for a Wednesday night. This morning I simply decided to skip weights and sleep in, well I forgot about my dads incredibly gay 8:00 wake up rule. As it was, I ended up moving huge fucking logs of wood, then cut them up, then move them some more, and I was moving wood for 5 hours because our neighbors decided to give us 3 whole trees. Why the hell didn't I go to weights, then I could've skipped out on most of it by saying I was to tired and sore to help. So I ended up getting a much worse workout, and hurting my back from lifting the 80 pound logs which my dad didn't want to cut smaller so we could "save gasoline and stick it to George". The only way I was able to escape the torture of moving wood for 3 more hours was to say I had errands to run, then I basically went and parked my car around the block and took a nap. After that I headed out to soccer practice, needless to say the field was soaked from the rain, so we took it indoors and had a bitchen time playing indoor, to bad only 10 people showed up. So today was shitty up until about 7:30.
So for today's funny section I decided to make up a list, the list shall be entitled:
10 Things I will NEVER do again.
1. Allow my penis or any projectiles from it near an electric fence.
2. Fall asleep at the wheel while going 75 mph on a highway.
3. Add the strange white powder which I *think* is sugar to my iced tea, I need to remember that this is my house, and any strange white powders are probably not legal in the United States.
4. Bet someone 20 bucks that I can beat them in Rochambeau.
5. Go to work hungover (not that funny, but I am NEVER doing it again)
6. Wake up next to a hermaphrodite... (don't laugh about your mom)
7. Hit on a fat, ugly girl.
8. Hit on a fat, ugly guy
9. Anything from the list I posted after being hit in the balls. (Having sex, getting an erection, etc.)
10. Show up at a black rally dressed as a ghost, just because I can.
Latest news: The Incubus concert draws nearer.
There is an irresistibly cute purebred Bloodhound running around our neighborhood, he is homeless, and loves to follow me around when I walk outside, seeing how I live in the south, I am simply waiting for a fatass drunk farmer carrying a sawed off 12 gauge to come looking for a "coon-dog" named Shiloh....
Does anyone else remember that gay book they made us read in like 4th grade?
I want to see Spiderman 2, donations for my ticket are accepted.
I would like to ask for a tribute to Ronald Reagan here, the man who gave us Saddam Hussein, and Osama Bin Laden, thank you very much Mr. Reagan, have a great afterlife, in hell you corporate bloodsucker...
Currently listening to: The Who - Magic Bus
Currently eating: Toothpaste, pretty tasty...
Currently smelling: I have no fucking idea what that smell is, but it isn't good.
Currently craving: Some IHOP, I am suffering IHOP withdrawal.
Currently talking to: Brittany and her friend Kristin
Peace, morning wood, Sprint
So for today's funny section I decided to make up a list, the list shall be entitled:
10 Things I will NEVER do again.
1. Allow my penis or any projectiles from it near an electric fence.
2. Fall asleep at the wheel while going 75 mph on a highway.
3. Add the strange white powder which I *think* is sugar to my iced tea, I need to remember that this is my house, and any strange white powders are probably not legal in the United States.
4. Bet someone 20 bucks that I can beat them in Rochambeau.
5. Go to work hungover (not that funny, but I am NEVER doing it again)
6. Wake up next to a hermaphrodite... (don't laugh about your mom)
7. Hit on a fat, ugly girl.
8. Hit on a fat, ugly guy
9. Anything from the list I posted after being hit in the balls. (Having sex, getting an erection, etc.)
10. Show up at a black rally dressed as a ghost, just because I can.
Latest news: The Incubus concert draws nearer.
There is an irresistibly cute purebred Bloodhound running around our neighborhood, he is homeless, and loves to follow me around when I walk outside, seeing how I live in the south, I am simply waiting for a fatass drunk farmer carrying a sawed off 12 gauge to come looking for a "coon-dog" named Shiloh....
Does anyone else remember that gay book they made us read in like 4th grade?
I want to see Spiderman 2, donations for my ticket are accepted.
I would like to ask for a tribute to Ronald Reagan here, the man who gave us Saddam Hussein, and Osama Bin Laden, thank you very much Mr. Reagan, have a great afterlife, in hell you corporate bloodsucker...
Currently listening to: The Who - Magic Bus
Currently eating: Toothpaste, pretty tasty...
Currently smelling: I have no fucking idea what that smell is, but it isn't good.
Currently craving: Some IHOP, I am suffering IHOP withdrawal.
Currently talking to: Brittany and her friend Kristin
Peace, morning wood, Sprint
Jun 29, 2004
Radiohead
It is that magical time of your night again, where you forget everything else and sit your ass down in front of a glowing screen to read what is new with me, a boy who sucks at soccer, enjoy. Today had morning weights again, upper body day, I surprised myself by doing 115 pounds on the bench press one time, it will never happen again, freak accident. After that I came home, and (illegally, damn curfew rules) snuck downstairs and took a nap on the sofa in my dads office until about 3. Then I left and spent the next 3 hours on the town, going to the bank, getting gas, stopping by Subway to get the BLT footlong for $3.21, of course I should've realized I had a soccer game in 1 hour by that point, and the extra jalepenos wouldn't help my game. So at the game I sucked it up as usual, I may have looked flashy burning girls and then passing the ball to the freshman who subsequently lost it. I probably should've had 5 assists that game, and 2 goals, but ended up with one assist. I guess it was kinda funny when one of the girls from their team laid me flat on my ass, but she tackled me football style from my back, and it was with good form too, Coach Tifert would have been proud, so I can still keep my masculinity. Needless to say we won the game 4-0 and it was our teams first victory, ironically it was only the second time I had actually played for that team...
It is now time for that random funny part I decided to start including in my blog post every day. Today's topic will involve quotable quotes from my dad, many who have been to my house have heard them, and will recognize some of the more popular ones...
"The hula hoop goes around many times, but we only go around once" - Yes, he said it, it is the worst metaphor, or whatever figure of speech that is, that I have ever seen, he is comparing life to a fucking hula hoop, terribly. The hula hoop goes around many times? Why do we only go around once? What the hell are you talking about dad?
"What are you talking about, Aaron doesn't have any testicles" - Screw you dad, don't say that in front of my friends, you honestly don't want me to call when I stick you in a retirement home. (something along these lines has been said many times, with friends present)
"If you ever want to do drugs, do them with us" - Alright, should I be excited to sit there and get stoned or tripped out with my parents? "Hey dad, you wanna go down to the corner, score some X and get fucked up with me?" That is incredible family fun, i recommend every kid convince their parents to do drugs with them.
"Going into the sauna naked with family is natural" - Maybe in the deepest pits of hell...
"I like the softcore porn because it only teases you, that hardcore stuff makes me horny to fast, but the see through panty shots are good, because they are artsy" - Artsy? Why the hell is my dad looking at porn on the internet with his 12 year old son and his friends in the room?
"Whenever you masturbate to a fantasy with a girl you know she receives some of the energy that you release during the masturbation, and that energy can make her be wary of you, since you two have touched consciousness" - Someone is still missing the days on the commune.
"What are you talking about? Aaron is gay!" - Why the hell do you say this in front of friends, come on, you do know I get all sorts of grief for that stuff.
"Don't ever wax your ass" - Have you tried?!
"Jesus Christ was in actuality a mushroom" - Wow, you sound dumber than Dubya, and that is hard.
There are many many more quotable quotes from my dad, some are a little bit to explicit or controversial to even post in this blog, which is bad because I will say just about anything. So there you have it, my dad is fucked up. If anyone remembers any more, just post them in the comments section anonymously if you don't have an account.
Latest news: My dad bought Shayan's bass amp, he used it for 5 minutes, and it will now gather dust for the next 25 years.
Nut Watch: They are back to normal, i hope never to take a pill shot again.
Alright "Brat", nice to have a seminar buddy here, so can I still sign your chest?
I reached my soccer playing peak during sophomore year, it will all be downhill from there.
Best Buy is never going to call, time to annoy the hell out of them until they get fed up and give me an interview.
I'm a direct descendant of William Clark, best recognize!
Currently listening to: Radiohead - Paranoid Android (I have listened to Radiohead a lot recently)
Currently Reading: The Boys of Summer (Its about the Brooklyn Dodgers the year they signed Jackie Robinson)
Currently smelling:Me...ewwww
Currently eating: Strawberry yogurt
Currently craving: More damn yogurt
Currently talking to: Chelsea and Ashley E
George Bush, you and my father are fucking morons.
Peace, Mushrooms, Sprint
It is now time for that random funny part I decided to start including in my blog post every day. Today's topic will involve quotable quotes from my dad, many who have been to my house have heard them, and will recognize some of the more popular ones...
"The hula hoop goes around many times, but we only go around once" - Yes, he said it, it is the worst metaphor, or whatever figure of speech that is, that I have ever seen, he is comparing life to a fucking hula hoop, terribly. The hula hoop goes around many times? Why do we only go around once? What the hell are you talking about dad?
"What are you talking about, Aaron doesn't have any testicles" - Screw you dad, don't say that in front of my friends, you honestly don't want me to call when I stick you in a retirement home. (something along these lines has been said many times, with friends present)
"If you ever want to do drugs, do them with us" - Alright, should I be excited to sit there and get stoned or tripped out with my parents? "Hey dad, you wanna go down to the corner, score some X and get fucked up with me?" That is incredible family fun, i recommend every kid convince their parents to do drugs with them.
"Going into the sauna naked with family is natural" - Maybe in the deepest pits of hell...
"I like the softcore porn because it only teases you, that hardcore stuff makes me horny to fast, but the see through panty shots are good, because they are artsy" - Artsy? Why the hell is my dad looking at porn on the internet with his 12 year old son and his friends in the room?
"Whenever you masturbate to a fantasy with a girl you know she receives some of the energy that you release during the masturbation, and that energy can make her be wary of you, since you two have touched consciousness" - Someone is still missing the days on the commune.
"What are you talking about? Aaron is gay!" - Why the hell do you say this in front of friends, come on, you do know I get all sorts of grief for that stuff.
"Don't ever wax your ass" - Have you tried?!
"Jesus Christ was in actuality a mushroom" - Wow, you sound dumber than Dubya, and that is hard.
There are many many more quotable quotes from my dad, some are a little bit to explicit or controversial to even post in this blog, which is bad because I will say just about anything. So there you have it, my dad is fucked up. If anyone remembers any more, just post them in the comments section anonymously if you don't have an account.
Latest news: My dad bought Shayan's bass amp, he used it for 5 minutes, and it will now gather dust for the next 25 years.
Nut Watch: They are back to normal, i hope never to take a pill shot again.
Alright "Brat", nice to have a seminar buddy here, so can I still sign your chest?
I reached my soccer playing peak during sophomore year, it will all be downhill from there.
Best Buy is never going to call, time to annoy the hell out of them until they get fed up and give me an interview.
I'm a direct descendant of William Clark, best recognize!
Currently listening to: Radiohead - Paranoid Android (I have listened to Radiohead a lot recently)
Currently Reading: The Boys of Summer (Its about the Brooklyn Dodgers the year they signed Jackie Robinson)
Currently smelling:Me...ewwww
Currently eating: Strawberry yogurt
Currently craving: More damn yogurt
Currently talking to: Chelsea and Ashley E
George Bush, you and my father are fucking morons.
Peace, Mushrooms, Sprint
Jun 28, 2004
The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys
Today, normal, weights, sleep, chill. I had a lot of fun the night before, a couple of girls and me snuck out and walked around the park a bit (big pimpin)!! But, they were good girls and we just talked, it was all good while it lasted, because I'm down with just talking. Then at about 3:45 AM a crazy drunk lady started yelling for what I guess was her daughter was at ZombieFest and disappeared. She thought that my friends were her daughter and her daughters friend, it was funny/creepy when the lady chased them down the street cussing them out. For your enjoyment, here is basically what she said, "Get back here you fucking bitches, fuck you you dirty fucking skanks, fucking little cunts, ill fuck you up you damn dirty little bitches, what were you doing out here, sucking cock? (at that point she noticed me sitting there laughing), that's right, you dirty little bitches were sucking cock, fuck you, cock sucking little bitches." I laughed a lot, and the night was fun until I found out that one of them was pretty much grounded indefinitely for it, so then I felt sorry, even though it was their idea to go there. So basically the day was uneventful until about 9:45 then the movie started. The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys was one of the best coming of age movies I have ever seen, it ranks up there with City of God on my badass movie list, which I will post someday. The movie simply connects with me for some reason, I guess it's because I can relate to the main characters in almost all ways. (except they are all catholic and I'm not). It is yet another movie I recommend for everyone to see at least once, but who the fuck am I? Don't listen to me, listen to another drunken loser, the Filthy Critic.
Latest news: I got my paycheck today, a total of $39.45, it made me incredibly happy, that was $13.95 more than I was expecting.
I have stalker on AOL Instant Messenger, she has used more than 8 different aliases to talk to me when i block her. She wont send me a pic of herself, yet claims to be "hott", yeah, and monkeys fly out of my butt. (Fucking chimps) I don't know if she gets the hint that I DON'T want to talk to her when she keeps getting blocked.
Starting tomorrow I am going to add a funny/interesting section about random things, as well as finish up the Casa Montez series here sometime soon, so wet yourself in anticipation.
Iraq is a sovereign nation, let the countdown to full scale civil war begin.
Current movie I want to buy: The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys
Currently listening to: The Beta Band - Dry the Rain
Currently eating: Stuft Nutty Bar (extra peanut butter)
Currently craving: Sleep
Currently talking to: Brittany and Tiffany
Peace, Sleep, Flying monkeys, Sprint
Latest news: I got my paycheck today, a total of $39.45, it made me incredibly happy, that was $13.95 more than I was expecting.
I have stalker on AOL Instant Messenger, she has used more than 8 different aliases to talk to me when i block her. She wont send me a pic of herself, yet claims to be "hott", yeah, and monkeys fly out of my butt. (Fucking chimps) I don't know if she gets the hint that I DON'T want to talk to her when she keeps getting blocked.
Starting tomorrow I am going to add a funny/interesting section about random things, as well as finish up the Casa Montez series here sometime soon, so wet yourself in anticipation.
Iraq is a sovereign nation, let the countdown to full scale civil war begin.
Current movie I want to buy: The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys
Currently listening to: The Beta Band - Dry the Rain
Currently eating: Stuft Nutty Bar (extra peanut butter)
Currently craving: Sleep
Currently talking to: Brittany and Tiffany
Peace, Sleep, Flying monkeys, Sprint
Jun 27, 2004
No sir
Alright, I have returned, you can all rest easy. These last couple of days have been interesting, and a little boring at times so I'll just go over the main points. Saturday, I did basically nothing until work, then worked for a long time, then made 8 dollars in tips, then went home. Took a sauna (220 degrees), it was damn good, took a shower, then Eman called me and told me about a kegger out in Webb City. I followed him there, and it sucked, i sat around and watched people get stoned, and was bored off my incredibly bony, white ass. Maher and Marsh showed up later, and we decided it was gay (another sausegefest), so we all came back to my house. They promptly thought that was gay and left, leaving me there all alone. I made it to bed around 3...Today I woke up about 1 PM, and chilled for a bit, then a whole bunch of my parents friends came over, but with them came Saysan, so we hung out for awhile. We went to Taco Bell, and made rude gestures at Morgan Seacrists house. After that we walked down to Anissa's and we chilled there for a bit. At Anissa's house I made an interesting discovery, Anissa can FUCKING SING, she has an INCREDIBLE voice, she sang and played guitar for us. Her voice is like a mix between the singer for the Cranberries, and Amy Lee of Evenescence, and both of those ladies can sing like no other. In fact she had actually recorded a song that got played on the radio, but her mom made them stop playing it because it was about her, and she wasnt saying good things either. So good luck to Anissa, I think you could be the next Jewel, before she turned into a pop diva. After that I did what I do best, sit around and not do a damn thing, no one called, no one talked to me online, so I went out to Food 4 Less and got myself some bananas and half and half. With these items I came home and made a very delicious banana blueberry smoothie. I made a lot, and it is quite scrumtious, but you cant have any so don't ask.
Latest News: I have a curfew now, I have to be in bed by 12:00, and I have to be awake by 8:00 every damn morning. My dad simply got angry about me sleeping in and never doing any work around the house, well, now I'm just going to be getting up early and not doing any work. My dad also doesn't realize that I do a lot of work around here, but I just don't help him do the useless jobs, such as drilling holes at random spots in the yard. (which he did, for no apparent reason)
Summer weights tomorrow, damn.
I somehow let Saysan talk me into letting her dye my hair dirty blonde, with blonde streaks. Then give me a wardrobe makeover...it started today and will conclude with the dying on Thursday, let me just say that getting your eyebrows plucked is hell, don't do it.
My gay uncle just showed up, with his gay Chinese lover, why are they spending the night here?!? I swear if I hear creaky bedsprings I am going to vomit.
Nut Watch: Nearly back to normal, bruising mostly subsided, swelling gone...
Pixies are gonna play KC in October, must get tickets or forever hate myself for missing the Pixies reunion tour.
Currently Reading: Filthy's Farenheight (sp?, site's spell checker licks my bruised balls) 9/11 review...
Currently Eating: Blueberry Banana smoothie, I have a lot left and am starting to feel sick.
Currently Smelling: Old Spice
Currently Listening to: Pixies - Where Is My Mind
Currently talking to: Brittany and Jessica
George W. Bush, you are an F to the UCKING moron.
Love Pixies,
Sprint
Latest News: I have a curfew now, I have to be in bed by 12:00, and I have to be awake by 8:00 every damn morning. My dad simply got angry about me sleeping in and never doing any work around the house, well, now I'm just going to be getting up early and not doing any work. My dad also doesn't realize that I do a lot of work around here, but I just don't help him do the useless jobs, such as drilling holes at random spots in the yard. (which he did, for no apparent reason)
Summer weights tomorrow, damn.
I somehow let Saysan talk me into letting her dye my hair dirty blonde, with blonde streaks. Then give me a wardrobe makeover...it started today and will conclude with the dying on Thursday, let me just say that getting your eyebrows plucked is hell, don't do it.
My gay uncle just showed up, with his gay Chinese lover, why are they spending the night here?!? I swear if I hear creaky bedsprings I am going to vomit.
Nut Watch: Nearly back to normal, bruising mostly subsided, swelling gone...
Pixies are gonna play KC in October, must get tickets or forever hate myself for missing the Pixies reunion tour.
Currently Reading: Filthy's Farenheight (sp?, site's spell checker licks my bruised balls) 9/11 review...
Currently Eating: Blueberry Banana smoothie, I have a lot left and am starting to feel sick.
Currently Smelling: Old Spice
Currently Listening to: Pixies - Where Is My Mind
Currently talking to: Brittany and Jessica
George W. Bush, you are an F to the UCKING moron.
Love Pixies,
Sprint
Jun 26, 2004
Yes sir
Didn't post last night because I was dead tired, so if you were offended, then I am truly sorry, perhaps a donation would help me stay awake and post at night. Yesterday, I slept in, skipped weights, sat on my ass, went to Taco Bell, and waited for soccer practice. Did the soccer practice thing, had fun, sucked at soccer, went home. Then Maher and Marsh came over, just out of the blue, and we were all bored for awhile. It was trash night, so I scoured the house for trash, and walked up Interstate 43, I mean my driveway, and put it out there for the garbage man to collect. Then Maher and Marsh left, I felt tired, and went to bed early, at about 11:30. Then I slept for 14 straight hours, no shit, 14 hours, when I woke up I was amazed, and still incredibly groggy for just having the longest uninterrupted sleep session of my life. At that time I decided I had 5 hours until work that I needed to play some MVP Baseball 2004, and I did, for 2 glorious hours I immersed myself in the radioactive glow of the television, and it was good. Then my mom chartered me to move gravel from one end of the property to the other, that blew, but I did about half of it before I used the "whoops, time to get ready for work" excuse. So I hastily got ready, and having an hour before work, went out to Hastings to chill for the next 45 minutes. After that I went to work, I was bussing with Jessie tonight, so we had fun and talked about parties and all that riff raff, it got pretty busy and at about 8:30 a party of 30 came in, some little league baseball team, they were total punks, one of them called 911 from the payphone in the lobby, so the cops showed up and questioned people about it. Jessie promptly ate his stash that was hidden in his back pocket, and our manager became severely pissed off. Needless to say, Jessie was cut at 9 and I was left to clean up the mess that about 15 punk little kids and their parents make, all by my lonesome. Needless to say, it took a long time, and I got out an hour and a half later than I should have, but I also made 27 dollars in tips, so I was happy, albeit extremely tired and worn out. Then I get a call from Ahnold, i mean Eman, who tells me there is a get together at Eric's house. So I go home, change clothes, and head out there, hang with some people for awhile, then came home. It is now 3:00 I was going to write part 2 of the Casa Montez series, but I'll save it for another time.
Latest News: Carlos Beltran is an Astro, now the Royals REALLY suck.
Nut Watch: The bruising has mostly subsided, the swelling is nearly entirely gone, it still hurts to do any vigorous activity that would cause "bouncing"
I have terrible gas, damn you Mexican food, you can take your beans to hell where they belong.
I challenge you to a dance off.
"Brat" who posted a comment, you are (hopefully) an unknown person, and for that I love you, and humbly ask you to sign my chest. And yes, Jack Johnson is amazing, if you have not become one with the Jack, then i weep for the deprivation your ears have had to go through.
Now put everyone put a quarter in your ass because you played yourself.
Currently listening to: Mission of Burma - That's When I Reach for my Revolver
Currently eating: Fresh picked blueberries (yummy)
Currently smelling: My damn gas (beans can suck my partially swollen left nut), I am honestly going to take a flamethrower to Mexico, by that I mean this gas is SO bad that I could light one of my "air excretions" and turn Mexico into Hiroshima.
Currently reading: The Filthy Critics latest post....see it here http://www.filthycritic.com/filthy/
George Bush, today's fucking moron makes you look like Einstein, yes that is right, Brittany Spears, you win the fucking moron award, you are engaged to a poser gangster/backup dancer/deadbeat dad/flaming retard. Maybe he will knock you up, get you two kids, and leave you, like he did his last woman. God damn Brittany, to what lengths won't you go for sex, I am hotter than that schmuck, do me instead!
Peace, blueberries, Sprint
Latest News: Carlos Beltran is an Astro, now the Royals REALLY suck.
Nut Watch: The bruising has mostly subsided, the swelling is nearly entirely gone, it still hurts to do any vigorous activity that would cause "bouncing"
I have terrible gas, damn you Mexican food, you can take your beans to hell where they belong.
I challenge you to a dance off.
"Brat" who posted a comment, you are (hopefully) an unknown person, and for that I love you, and humbly ask you to sign my chest. And yes, Jack Johnson is amazing, if you have not become one with the Jack, then i weep for the deprivation your ears have had to go through.
Now put everyone put a quarter in your ass because you played yourself.
Currently listening to: Mission of Burma - That's When I Reach for my Revolver
Currently eating: Fresh picked blueberries (yummy)
Currently smelling: My damn gas (beans can suck my partially swollen left nut), I am honestly going to take a flamethrower to Mexico, by that I mean this gas is SO bad that I could light one of my "air excretions" and turn Mexico into Hiroshima.
Currently reading: The Filthy Critics latest post....see it here http://www.filthycritic.com/filthy/
George Bush, today's fucking moron makes you look like Einstein, yes that is right, Brittany Spears, you win the fucking moron award, you are engaged to a poser gangster/backup dancer/deadbeat dad/flaming retard. Maybe he will knock you up, get you two kids, and leave you, like he did his last woman. God damn Brittany, to what lengths won't you go for sex, I am hotter than that schmuck, do me instead!
Peace, blueberries, Sprint
Jun 23, 2004
Yes it is a day
Today was a day like any other, I had morning weights on very few hours of sleep, although it was worth it because I had a lot of fun at the party last night. So after nearly dying at weights, I checked my 8 fantasy baseball teams, and headed off to take a nap, I slept until 5 o'clock, and needed to be at work in 30 minutes. At that time I noticed my NEW CLEATS sitting at the foot of my bed, I opened the box and it let out a sigh, inside were two beautiful Puma Icana cleats, one for each foot. The only problem is, they are skinny, and my feet are pretty fat, but they fit, just a bit tight, i cant wait to try them out. But by that time it was 5:15, so I rushed myself to work, and did the busboy thing. At about 6:30 Jessica and Brittany showed up to keep me company, so I talked to them for a bit, that really brightened up my day, and made work fun for awhile until they left, so that was great. Then I came home and chilled, so basically today involved a lot of sleeping and working, so to make this post more interesting, I'm going to start a 3 part series on Casa Montez.
Part 1: The Employees: There are many strange things at Casa Montez, the strangest being the customers, then comes the employees, then comes the actual resturaunt itself. There were some normal employees, but they were fired a long time ago. I will only tell the stories of the biggest freaks here, starting with the fact it is a Mexican restraunt, there are 6 cooks, and 3 of them are Mexican, and I'm pretty sure that two of them don't even speak Spanish. Two of them are incredibly fat and white, and sweat profusely, and the third (who also serves, and consequently named Aaron) is actually pretty cool besides the fact he is about as ugly as a bald guy with a goatee can get, which is really fucking ugly. Then let us move on to the dishwashers, there are 4 different dishwashers that I have seen, two of them are Mexican convicts who barely speak English, but are pretty cool, besides the fact they take half eaten meat off of the plates and save it and actually eat it, now that shit is nasty. One of them is a mentally challenged (retard) guy, he thinks he is all that, and he is in love with techno, he claims to be a DJ, and I almost believe him. His voice is high and whiney, and you can't understand a word he is saying most of the time, but you can talk him into covering any shift for you without much difficulty (he also busses sometimes). The last guy was just hired recently I think, and he exemplifies trailer park trash, he has long dark hair, with blonde streaks which he puts into a pony tail, wears clothes waaaay to big for him, has a bunch of tattoos, dropped out of high school, and has a goatee, he scares the crap out of me. The managers arent all that bad, pretty nice except for the one who is also a server, I'll get to him later. One of the managers is Briton, Morgan Amayo is his step sister, I made the mistake of calling her a fox in front of him, he was pissed. Other than that the managers are nice (except one), I'm not going to go into detail on them. There are a lot of servers, they are almost all alcoholics, well, the interesting ones anyways, there is Grant, he is bald and is the head server, all around a pretty cool guy, has a 3 year old daughter, she is cute. There is Malerie, she is hot, but like 24, and pretty freakish if you ask me, she is always talking about either A. beer, or B. sex. There is Chris (who is also a manager), he is a freak, he is ugly, has a wart thing the size of my big toe on his face, it looks like a huge zit, it looks like it could pop. He is a huge asshole, in fact one of the biggest I know, i don't like him, but he is the most lenient manager (surprisingly). There is Melissa, a young girl that goes to MSSU, she has a leg that like doesn't bend, and is pretty cool otherwise. Corey is 17 and goes to Seneca, he is pretty cool, were gonna go party sometime. Then there is Birdie, I don't know her real name, but we call her Birdie, because she is old, red haired, incredibly stupid, never listens to anything, and is always talking and chirping about stuff, so we call her Birdie, I don't like her at all. The rest of the servers are not important, they don't really do anything special, but have their own freakish qualities as well. The busboys are made up of me, Justin Devine, and a kid called Jessie, Justin is the biggest horn-dog I've ever met in my life he is 17, and many people I know don't like him, but for some reason I can stand him, so its all good. Jessie is a pretty cool guy he is 17 too, total stoner, but I can live with that, he drives a Camaro and has already been arrested with a DUI, but many people at my work think that me and him look like twins, even though we really don't, but they call us Mary Kate and Ashley, (I'm Mary Kate). There are many stories about the employees, but I am sure they will be told someday, this was just a teaser to get you to begin to fear that which is Casa Montez.
Latest News: Best Buy hasn't called me in for an interview yet, damnit, I'm not going to be hired.
Nut Watch: Still bruised, swelling has gone down.
I want a webcam, so keep those donations coming.
Is there anyone besides Thomas reading this?
Currently listening to: Jack Johnson - Flake
Currently eating: Popsicle (all natural fruit popsicle)
Currently reading: On the Sweet Spot (about being "in the zone" whilst playing golf)
Currently loving: My new cleats
Currently Hating: No one! :)
George W. Bush is a muthaflucking moron.
Float on away, peace, Sprint
Part 1: The Employees: There are many strange things at Casa Montez, the strangest being the customers, then comes the employees, then comes the actual resturaunt itself. There were some normal employees, but they were fired a long time ago. I will only tell the stories of the biggest freaks here, starting with the fact it is a Mexican restraunt, there are 6 cooks, and 3 of them are Mexican, and I'm pretty sure that two of them don't even speak Spanish. Two of them are incredibly fat and white, and sweat profusely, and the third (who also serves, and consequently named Aaron) is actually pretty cool besides the fact he is about as ugly as a bald guy with a goatee can get, which is really fucking ugly. Then let us move on to the dishwashers, there are 4 different dishwashers that I have seen, two of them are Mexican convicts who barely speak English, but are pretty cool, besides the fact they take half eaten meat off of the plates and save it and actually eat it, now that shit is nasty. One of them is a mentally challenged (retard) guy, he thinks he is all that, and he is in love with techno, he claims to be a DJ, and I almost believe him. His voice is high and whiney, and you can't understand a word he is saying most of the time, but you can talk him into covering any shift for you without much difficulty (he also busses sometimes). The last guy was just hired recently I think, and he exemplifies trailer park trash, he has long dark hair, with blonde streaks which he puts into a pony tail, wears clothes waaaay to big for him, has a bunch of tattoos, dropped out of high school, and has a goatee, he scares the crap out of me. The managers arent all that bad, pretty nice except for the one who is also a server, I'll get to him later. One of the managers is Briton, Morgan Amayo is his step sister, I made the mistake of calling her a fox in front of him, he was pissed. Other than that the managers are nice (except one), I'm not going to go into detail on them. There are a lot of servers, they are almost all alcoholics, well, the interesting ones anyways, there is Grant, he is bald and is the head server, all around a pretty cool guy, has a 3 year old daughter, she is cute. There is Malerie, she is hot, but like 24, and pretty freakish if you ask me, she is always talking about either A. beer, or B. sex. There is Chris (who is also a manager), he is a freak, he is ugly, has a wart thing the size of my big toe on his face, it looks like a huge zit, it looks like it could pop. He is a huge asshole, in fact one of the biggest I know, i don't like him, but he is the most lenient manager (surprisingly). There is Melissa, a young girl that goes to MSSU, she has a leg that like doesn't bend, and is pretty cool otherwise. Corey is 17 and goes to Seneca, he is pretty cool, were gonna go party sometime. Then there is Birdie, I don't know her real name, but we call her Birdie, because she is old, red haired, incredibly stupid, never listens to anything, and is always talking and chirping about stuff, so we call her Birdie, I don't like her at all. The rest of the servers are not important, they don't really do anything special, but have their own freakish qualities as well. The busboys are made up of me, Justin Devine, and a kid called Jessie, Justin is the biggest horn-dog I've ever met in my life he is 17, and many people I know don't like him, but for some reason I can stand him, so its all good. Jessie is a pretty cool guy he is 17 too, total stoner, but I can live with that, he drives a Camaro and has already been arrested with a DUI, but many people at my work think that me and him look like twins, even though we really don't, but they call us Mary Kate and Ashley, (I'm Mary Kate). There are many stories about the employees, but I am sure they will be told someday, this was just a teaser to get you to begin to fear that which is Casa Montez.
Latest News: Best Buy hasn't called me in for an interview yet, damnit, I'm not going to be hired.
Nut Watch: Still bruised, swelling has gone down.
I want a webcam, so keep those donations coming.
Is there anyone besides Thomas reading this?
Currently listening to: Jack Johnson - Flake
Currently eating: Popsicle (all natural fruit popsicle)
Currently reading: On the Sweet Spot (about being "in the zone" whilst playing golf)
Currently loving: My new cleats
Currently Hating: No one! :)
George W. Bush is a muthaflucking moron.
Float on away, peace, Sprint
Alright, big day
Today has been quite eventful I am proud to say, not much has happened, but what has happened has been fun, funny, important, and incredibly painful. It started out with a very easy session of morning weights which made me happy, then I did my patented "gellin" method around the house until about 5. It was about then I decided to get my lazy ass out of the house, and into the great unknown that is Joplin. The reason it is unknown is because you never know what kind of sick, twisted, perverted, redneck thing you are going to run into next, a good example would be my dad wearing the heavily tattered cutoff jean shorts that almost went to his thighs, while watching me play soccer. That is the kind of thing you run into in Joplin, that experience was nearly as scarring as the time he chased me and my friends around the pool naked, but that is an entirely different story.
On to what happened today: I went to Schlotzkeys deli and got myself a very sexy pastrami on rye sandwich, god damn it was good, I need to go back and get more of that shiz nit. After enjoying that tasty meal, I headed across the street to my favorite store in town, Hastings. If they sold underwear at Hastings, I would never have to go to another store again, they have everything I need, music, movies, magazines of all types, shirts, candy, porn, hot chicks wandering around, guitars (shitty ones), and books (but who needs those). So after bowing in worship at the front door, I walked into the hallowed halls, picked up what I was looking for, which just happened to be the Beastie Boys new CD, The 5 Burroughs. Paid for it in all ones, and was able to con the lady behind the desk into believing I was 17, then happily skipped out to my car to be ready for Mix Masta Mike's phat beats. And the beats were fucking phat, in fact, if you ever have liked the Beastie Boys in the past, or liked Eminem, or liked Vanilla Ice, or liked any white rapper, hate bush, or even liked Sonny and Cher, then you need to get this CD. It is incredible, as the first low frequency tones were slowly murdered by my shitty ass speakers, I knew that I had sunk my jaws into an incredible album. If you buy one new CD that came out this month, make it that one, it is epic. (with a strong anti-bush message)
After that I gathered my things and headed on out to the soccer fields for what I hoped would be a good game. Well, it started off with my cleats completely coming apart, and me having to wear Daniel's Vapors, those hurt, but nothing compared to what hurt would come, and then that was coupled with the fact that I suck at soccer, bad. But dutifully fulfilling my name with about 30 seconds remaining in the game, I had the ball, was running, made a bad touch, kicked it to far in front, the defender boots it out with all his power, he boots it right into my fucking BIT AND TACKLE...If you ever want to know the true meaning of pain, get kicked with a soccer ball, rising underneath your nuts at probably about 40 miles per hour, it consequently knocked me off of my feet, and onto the ground. I wish I had passed out from the pain right then, but I didn't, instead of having it go to my stomach, that fucking pain went right into my head, I had the worst migrane ever, and then the pain just seemed to spread to all parts of my body, especially in my stomach and my nut sack. I lay there facedown on the ground, in to much pain to move, moaning and drooling, and saying things in a language which I had never heard. Abruptly the game stopped, and everyone started to point and laugh, but I didn't care, I was in way to much pain, by this time I was curled in a little ball, still facedown, and unable to move. What happened for the next 10 minutes seems incredibly foggy, and I don't think i retained conciseness the whole time, but I remember people making jokes about it, I remember Timmy kicking me really hard while I was on the ground, I remember Chris stealing the shoes I was wearing (damn Mexican), I remember people tapping me and saying "way to take it like a man". Yes, I was taking it like a man, whimpering, drooling, and crying while lying face first in the middle of a soccer field. After those 10 minutes were up, I remembered where I was, and was able to somehow get up, gather my things, and take the next 20 minutes to slowly limp to my car, which was consequently parked in the furthest location there was. I lost one of my socks along the way, but I didn't care, Eric walked by and told me that there was going to be this bitchen party later on, I told him I would go if my testicles were feeling up to the challenge of not hurting. Just writing all of what happened down is causing the testicles to throb in pain as they were before, but I have also, for your viewing pleasure, compiled a list of what I cant/wont do.
What I can't/won't do after this incident: 1) Get an erection
2) Have sex
3) Have kids (goes with 2)
4) Not wear a cup (it is always gonna be on now)
5) Play soccer
6) Play any sport with a ball that is heavier than a beach ball
7) Speak in a low voice/sing bass (I'm, going to be 12 forever now :( )
8) Look at porn again (will hurt emotionally)
9) Make fun of people who get hit in the pills
10) Hit anyone in the pills
11) Be happy
Basically that one incident has changed my life forever, my parents can forget about having grandkids from me, the Wynhausen family line will have one less male heir of a reproducing age, and I will be a grade A pussy when it comes to my nuts. Will, I finally understand your pain, up until the getting the shot to deflate the penis, I didn't need that thankfully. So go ahead, make fun of my bruised nuts, (yes, they have changed to a bruised color) but just remember that when it happens to you, that I warned you about the non-usage of cups in everyday situations.
After somehow getting home, and lying in the shower for awhile, the grogginess went away, and Maher and Shayan came over, jacked around a bit, got on my MSN account and said shit to people, bastards, then Eman came over and chilled with his girl for a bit. They all decided to leave at some point or another, and I decided my nuts weren't throbbing as much as they were, so I would go get some Taco Bell, and check out this party. The party turned out to be great, thrown by the very beautiful Kristy, it was a McAuly party and was just a blast, I was one of about 5 JHS kids there, so it turned out great, my reputation hadn't preceded me, and I was able to actually talk to people without them running away screaming for cover. Needless to say, I didn't have a drop of alcohol, I decided to remain sober because I needed to wake up at 8, and then work later in the day, and I remembered what happened last time I got drunk on a day before I was supposed to work, so for being entirely sober, I had a great time just talking to people, and making new friends, plus I got an invite to any other parties that any of these people knew about. (Did I mention that McAuly girls are inherently hot? screw public school, being Catholic must work out for the looks, even if you go out drinking and partying each weekend, just shows how much god cares about that sin stuff...i mean come on I like this message - "worship me, ill make you hot, do whatever, but stay hot so that I can look at you in the shower") Holy shit, that is going to piss people off, but I don't really care, I would rather piss people off with my posts than kiss ass. So after staying at the party, and being one of the last people there, just talking, I said goodbye to those very few who remained and headed on home. So today on a scale of 1-10 was about a 1....but it would be a 10 if I had scored the goal I missed and not gotten kicked in the nuts.
Latest News: I suck ass at any sports related activity, why do I continue trying?
I'm broke, donations are accepted at any time, just send me an email, I'll give you my address, and you can write a check. I cant keep this goodness going on this website without money, even if it is a free website.
Current testicle watch: Still brown and a little purple, hurts to sit, hurts to move, hurts to think....the throbbing never stops, and they are quite swollen.
Got a lot of new connections, it seems that being outgoing works, who would've known?
Currently listening to: Frank Zappa - Why Does It Hurt When I Pee (it seems a bit appropriate for what happened today, although it hurts when I pee because my penis and testicles were hit incredibly hard, not because I got it from the toilet seat, and it jumped right up and grabbed my meat.)
Currently eating: Salted pumpkin seeds, those things are addicting.
Currently reading: Kasey's Jail Journal (its trippy)
I realize that in my last post I forgot my George Bush is a fucking moron. Well he still is, but I want to add to this today...George Bush is a fucking moron, and I am a fucking moron for giving that damned ball an open shot to my nuts.
Peace, Pain, Sprint
On to what happened today: I went to Schlotzkeys deli and got myself a very sexy pastrami on rye sandwich, god damn it was good, I need to go back and get more of that shiz nit. After enjoying that tasty meal, I headed across the street to my favorite store in town, Hastings. If they sold underwear at Hastings, I would never have to go to another store again, they have everything I need, music, movies, magazines of all types, shirts, candy, porn, hot chicks wandering around, guitars (shitty ones), and books (but who needs those). So after bowing in worship at the front door, I walked into the hallowed halls, picked up what I was looking for, which just happened to be the Beastie Boys new CD, The 5 Burroughs. Paid for it in all ones, and was able to con the lady behind the desk into believing I was 17, then happily skipped out to my car to be ready for Mix Masta Mike's phat beats. And the beats were fucking phat, in fact, if you ever have liked the Beastie Boys in the past, or liked Eminem, or liked Vanilla Ice, or liked any white rapper, hate bush, or even liked Sonny and Cher, then you need to get this CD. It is incredible, as the first low frequency tones were slowly murdered by my shitty ass speakers, I knew that I had sunk my jaws into an incredible album. If you buy one new CD that came out this month, make it that one, it is epic. (with a strong anti-bush message)
After that I gathered my things and headed on out to the soccer fields for what I hoped would be a good game. Well, it started off with my cleats completely coming apart, and me having to wear Daniel's Vapors, those hurt, but nothing compared to what hurt would come, and then that was coupled with the fact that I suck at soccer, bad. But dutifully fulfilling my name with about 30 seconds remaining in the game, I had the ball, was running, made a bad touch, kicked it to far in front, the defender boots it out with all his power, he boots it right into my fucking BIT AND TACKLE...If you ever want to know the true meaning of pain, get kicked with a soccer ball, rising underneath your nuts at probably about 40 miles per hour, it consequently knocked me off of my feet, and onto the ground. I wish I had passed out from the pain right then, but I didn't, instead of having it go to my stomach, that fucking pain went right into my head, I had the worst migrane ever, and then the pain just seemed to spread to all parts of my body, especially in my stomach and my nut sack. I lay there facedown on the ground, in to much pain to move, moaning and drooling, and saying things in a language which I had never heard. Abruptly the game stopped, and everyone started to point and laugh, but I didn't care, I was in way to much pain, by this time I was curled in a little ball, still facedown, and unable to move. What happened for the next 10 minutes seems incredibly foggy, and I don't think i retained conciseness the whole time, but I remember people making jokes about it, I remember Timmy kicking me really hard while I was on the ground, I remember Chris stealing the shoes I was wearing (damn Mexican), I remember people tapping me and saying "way to take it like a man". Yes, I was taking it like a man, whimpering, drooling, and crying while lying face first in the middle of a soccer field. After those 10 minutes were up, I remembered where I was, and was able to somehow get up, gather my things, and take the next 20 minutes to slowly limp to my car, which was consequently parked in the furthest location there was. I lost one of my socks along the way, but I didn't care, Eric walked by and told me that there was going to be this bitchen party later on, I told him I would go if my testicles were feeling up to the challenge of not hurting. Just writing all of what happened down is causing the testicles to throb in pain as they were before, but I have also, for your viewing pleasure, compiled a list of what I cant/wont do.
What I can't/won't do after this incident: 1) Get an erection
2) Have sex
3) Have kids (goes with 2)
4) Not wear a cup (it is always gonna be on now)
5) Play soccer
6) Play any sport with a ball that is heavier than a beach ball
7) Speak in a low voice/sing bass (I'm, going to be 12 forever now :( )
8) Look at porn again (will hurt emotionally)
9) Make fun of people who get hit in the pills
10) Hit anyone in the pills
11) Be happy
Basically that one incident has changed my life forever, my parents can forget about having grandkids from me, the Wynhausen family line will have one less male heir of a reproducing age, and I will be a grade A pussy when it comes to my nuts. Will, I finally understand your pain, up until the getting the shot to deflate the penis, I didn't need that thankfully. So go ahead, make fun of my bruised nuts, (yes, they have changed to a bruised color) but just remember that when it happens to you, that I warned you about the non-usage of cups in everyday situations.
After somehow getting home, and lying in the shower for awhile, the grogginess went away, and Maher and Shayan came over, jacked around a bit, got on my MSN account and said shit to people, bastards, then Eman came over and chilled with his girl for a bit. They all decided to leave at some point or another, and I decided my nuts weren't throbbing as much as they were, so I would go get some Taco Bell, and check out this party. The party turned out to be great, thrown by the very beautiful Kristy, it was a McAuly party and was just a blast, I was one of about 5 JHS kids there, so it turned out great, my reputation hadn't preceded me, and I was able to actually talk to people without them running away screaming for cover. Needless to say, I didn't have a drop of alcohol, I decided to remain sober because I needed to wake up at 8, and then work later in the day, and I remembered what happened last time I got drunk on a day before I was supposed to work, so for being entirely sober, I had a great time just talking to people, and making new friends, plus I got an invite to any other parties that any of these people knew about. (Did I mention that McAuly girls are inherently hot? screw public school, being Catholic must work out for the looks, even if you go out drinking and partying each weekend, just shows how much god cares about that sin stuff...i mean come on I like this message - "worship me, ill make you hot, do whatever, but stay hot so that I can look at you in the shower") Holy shit, that is going to piss people off, but I don't really care, I would rather piss people off with my posts than kiss ass. So after staying at the party, and being one of the last people there, just talking, I said goodbye to those very few who remained and headed on home. So today on a scale of 1-10 was about a 1....but it would be a 10 if I had scored the goal I missed and not gotten kicked in the nuts.
Latest News: I suck ass at any sports related activity, why do I continue trying?
I'm broke, donations are accepted at any time, just send me an email, I'll give you my address, and you can write a check. I cant keep this goodness going on this website without money, even if it is a free website.
Current testicle watch: Still brown and a little purple, hurts to sit, hurts to move, hurts to think....the throbbing never stops, and they are quite swollen.
Got a lot of new connections, it seems that being outgoing works, who would've known?
Currently listening to: Frank Zappa - Why Does It Hurt When I Pee (it seems a bit appropriate for what happened today, although it hurts when I pee because my penis and testicles were hit incredibly hard, not because I got it from the toilet seat, and it jumped right up and grabbed my meat.)
Currently eating: Salted pumpkin seeds, those things are addicting.
Currently reading: Kasey's Jail Journal (its trippy)
I realize that in my last post I forgot my George Bush is a fucking moron. Well he still is, but I want to add to this today...George Bush is a fucking moron, and I am a fucking moron for giving that damned ball an open shot to my nuts.
Peace, Pain, Sprint
Jun 22, 2004
Jun 21, 2004
Hey Ya
Alright, well, I'm starting to get a bit tired of basically saying the same damn thing every day, so starting now I am going to make my blog as controversial as possible, so get ready to bitch at me for my insanely liberal views, when I do get around to actually writing something controversial. So today I decided to skip weights, I got up at about 8:10, looked outside, and saw it was raining, at that point I simply decided I wasnt going to get up. Another reason is I had just come down off the best dream of my life, and I wanted to just lie in bed and think about it. The dream was quite nice, any guy out there reading this should realize what that dream was about. Yes, it was totally about having my own Maserati, I woke up wet...So after skipping weights I chilled around the house for a bit, and I just realized, that I didn't do a damn thing today, Maher came over, and we tossed the old pigskin around for 20 minutes, then he went to work. So I went back to sitting around doing nothing, apparently there was a party tonight, and Eman invited me, but I have to get up early for weights, and I also have a soccer game tomorrow, so ill skip this round of parties.
Today I did learn one thing though, and that is to be President, all you need to win are 11 select states, then you get all the electoral votes needed to become the next president of what will remain of the United States after the Bush dynasty is through. So now when I am running for president, I can give a hearty "Fuck you" to campaigning in North Dakota, and Wyoming, and start paying off anyone with power in Texas and California.
Latest News: I have some pictures of the horses up, check them out, because they are sexy, quite sexy, they are so damn se-...i need to go to the bathroom...I'll um...be back.....soon.
Yes that last thing was quite gay, but you know what, I don't give a rats ass.
My parents read part of my blog, but didn't get to anything that they would kill me for. The browser was open on my computer, thank god I was able to get back there and accidentally unplug my computer, then have it conviniently "break" when they wanted to read it.
In response to the comment on my last post by the anonymous person, 1) You are a fucking moron
2) Unless you are a hot girl, don't bother 3)You left no way for me to contact you 4)I wont send shit unless you meet criteria #2, and you send me multiple pictures of you naked, even then I wont guarantee that I will send you jack shit. Just look at the pictures of the horses, they are naked, be happy.
Currently listening to: Incubus - Drive
Currently eating: Fingernail?
Currently reading: All that little print on the dollar bill in front of me.
Current website:
Peace, Love, Yellowstone, Sprint
Today I did learn one thing though, and that is to be President, all you need to win are 11 select states, then you get all the electoral votes needed to become the next president of what will remain of the United States after the Bush dynasty is through. So now when I am running for president, I can give a hearty "Fuck you" to campaigning in North Dakota, and Wyoming, and start paying off anyone with power in Texas and California.
Latest News: I have some pictures of the horses up, check them out, because they are sexy, quite sexy, they are so damn se-...i need to go to the bathroom...I'll um...be back.....soon.
Yes that last thing was quite gay, but you know what, I don't give a rats ass.
My parents read part of my blog, but didn't get to anything that they would kill me for. The browser was open on my computer, thank god I was able to get back there and accidentally unplug my computer, then have it conviniently "break" when they wanted to read it.
In response to the comment on my last post by the anonymous person, 1) You are a fucking moron
2) Unless you are a hot girl, don't bother 3)You left no way for me to contact you 4)I wont send shit unless you meet criteria #2, and you send me multiple pictures of you naked, even then I wont guarantee that I will send you jack shit. Just look at the pictures of the horses, they are naked, be happy.
Currently listening to: Incubus - Drive
Currently eating: Fingernail?
Currently reading: All that little print on the dollar bill in front of me.
Current website:
Peace, Love, Yellowstone, Sprint
Happy Fathers day
Happy day of the dad to everyone, I hope you had fun brown-nosing and saying I love you more than I did. I do love you by the way, I love everyone. So today was actually pretty good, I made 40 bucks, and got a free dinner, movie, and show at my dinner, so in that regard it all worked out. So basically I got up and went to work, survived the Fathers Day rush, and made 20 bucks in tips. Went home, and 2 hours later was on my way to see the new Harry Potter movie. It was damn good, very dark and cool for a kiddy movie, so that made me think, "wow, Harry Potter can be pretty bad-ass." After sitting in the movies for about 3 hours it seemed, and having my feet turn blue from frostbite. Trust me, flip flops and movie theatres are not a good combo, my feet are still chilled right now, about 8 hours later. So after the movie we decided to head on over to Japanese Steak House/Sushi Bar, the name is something like that, I wish they could get a real name like The Lotus Leaf, come on you wouldn't call someplace "The Local Chinese Whorehouse Featuring the Fart Bitches", you would call it "The House of Happy Brown Wang". That place was pretty cool though, they started out by taking you to your own little giant skittle and having a chef basically play Japanese Yakov as he does some pretty amazing feats with the spatula and knife, and an egg. Such as: Spinning the egg, then flipping it up with his spatula up into the air, and catching it again without breaking it, then basically flipping it around again and doing all sorts of crazy stunts. When he drops an egg, he makes a one liner like, "Thats how they do it at Waffle House", you're damn right, those skanks at Waffle House, they suck, go to IHOP. So after chopping and throwing food everywhere, he actually puts it on your plate and makes some more jokes like "I'm a Japanese cowboy" (while twirling knife and spatula", lights the skillet on fire, then leaves. The food is pretty good, the sushi is mediocre and very Americanized, they don't even have the traditional Japanese names by it. So if you go, go for the show. I picked up a job application anyways, because Casa Montez is a grease fest on steroids and incredibly skanky at that, this place seemed much cleaner. After that I came home and gelled here for the next few hours.
Latest news: I just realized that a lot of people come to me when they want relationship help, and that I somehow find a way to soothe them, even though I have never been in that sort of situation myself, I guess being rejected a record number of times in middle school did some good to me.
I work for 10 hours next week, i need another damn job bad.
June is slipping away from between my fingers, the sands of time are escaping, summer is over 1/3 over...when do I panic?
I just realized I need to wake up in 6 hours for weights, shit, time to wrap this up.
Currently Listening to: Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You (awesome ass song, everyone needs to check it out)
Currently eating: Nutty Bar (From the makers of Prilosec)
Currently Reading: What I just wrote in my blog
Current webpage: http://www.thefilthycritic.com (worlds best and most vulgar movie critic, i mean when the first paragraph of a review starts like this, you know its gonna be good:
"Here's a little cooking tip from someone who likes to watch the Food Network after coming home from the Tavern until about four in the morning, at which time I either pass out in my soiled pants, or I am so inspired that I whip up a batch of waffles using flour, vanilla, sugar and shaving cream because I don't know how the fuck to "beat eggs until stiff." I know how to beat something else until stiff, but I can never leave well enough alone and then continue to beat until soft. The waffles aren't that bad. I mean, yeah, you get sick, but what good cooking foesn't give you the runs? Anyway, I've watched enough hot chicks sucking wooden spoons and moaning "Ohh, that's good" to fuel a million fantasies about being kitchen utensils and also to know what makes food good. "
Georgie, fuck you, you moron.
Peace Sprint Love
Latest news: I just realized that a lot of people come to me when they want relationship help, and that I somehow find a way to soothe them, even though I have never been in that sort of situation myself, I guess being rejected a record number of times in middle school did some good to me.
I work for 10 hours next week, i need another damn job bad.
June is slipping away from between my fingers, the sands of time are escaping, summer is over 1/3 over...when do I panic?
I just realized I need to wake up in 6 hours for weights, shit, time to wrap this up.
Currently Listening to: Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You (awesome ass song, everyone needs to check it out)
Currently eating: Nutty Bar (From the makers of Prilosec)
Currently Reading: What I just wrote in my blog
Current webpage: http://www.thefilthycritic.com (worlds best and most vulgar movie critic, i mean when the first paragraph of a review starts like this, you know its gonna be good:
"Here's a little cooking tip from someone who likes to watch the Food Network after coming home from the Tavern until about four in the morning, at which time I either pass out in my soiled pants, or I am so inspired that I whip up a batch of waffles using flour, vanilla, sugar and shaving cream because I don't know how the fuck to "beat eggs until stiff." I know how to beat something else until stiff, but I can never leave well enough alone and then continue to beat until soft. The waffles aren't that bad. I mean, yeah, you get sick, but what good cooking foesn't give you the runs? Anyway, I've watched enough hot chicks sucking wooden spoons and moaning "Ohh, that's good" to fuel a million fantasies about being kitchen utensils and also to know what makes food good. "
Georgie, fuck you, you moron.
Peace Sprint Love
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