Well, one more Christmas has come and gone and amazingly I survived being a cheapskate for one more year, I spent a whopping.... 0$ on gifts this year, instead I picked out gifts for other people and my parents bought them. Now if only I can get them to do that for the next 20 years I will be in pretty good shape during the holiday season until age 36...
The real reason I took precious time out of my poker playing was to brag about all the wonderful things I got, which was really one semi-decent guitar, and some clothing...but on with the list:
Guitar 'Kit': Included off brand semi-decent Strat based guitar/amp...actually the coolest gift I got, I now own an electric guitar, and can finally improve my skills thanks to my wicked awesome brother...It wins the "Best Gift" award...
Generic Watch: Wow, I get a crappy watch every year, they break by New Years...even if they are left in the box. I use my cell phone as a clock now, why my mom insits on buying me one every year?..I have no idea, I plan on finding out how much a "Shitty Watch" sells for on Ebay here in the next few weeks.
Yonex tennis racket: Wow, that was an unexpected gift, I played tennis one year, and I was last on the team, I quit before the season ended, yet for some reason my parents decided to spend $160 on a professional tennis racket. I'm not planning on playing tennis again, so I am going to find out how much "Pimp Ass Tennis Racket" sells for on Ebay. In the meantime I am going to use the picture of Anna Kournikova that came on the front as masterbation material...
Red dress shirt/matching tie: Pretty nice shirt/tie combo from JC Penny's or someplace like that, definatly classy....
Tie with flames on it: Incredibly redneck tie from Wal-Mart, made from the same material as the curtains in a sleazy hotel in downtown Vegas. This tie was bought under the impression it would also fit the red shirt: Black tie that looks like its on fire...no, it is a terrible gift, what the hell was my mom thinking, any redeeming qualities from the shirt and matching tie were just thrown out the window of a speeding bullet train.
Miniatre Tool Kit: A tool kit with miniature screwdrivers and such, only useful if you happen to be an elf working on microchips. The heads on the screwdrivers are so small that you cant even tell what kind of screwdriver it is, in fact, they all look like sharpened points. The fourteenth most useless gift ever, i hope they didn't pay more than 24 cents for it.
Plastic Boomerang: Any cool points gained by giving something offbeat like a boomerang was lost when the $1.99 price tag was left on...
Shirt/Jeans combo from The Gap: Makes me feel sexy, not like the dirty little whore I am, nuff said...
The Complete Extended Editions of Lord of the Rings: They find ways to make these things longer every time they release them on DVD. The box set includes two DVD's of EACH FILM, one with commentary, one not, and TWO documentery DVD's for EACH FILM. They also extended each movie from anywhere between 30 minutes to 50 minutes, making all three movies a combined 35 hours long. Yet they still managed to leave many important parts of the book out. That was half the gift, for each seperate film there are also TWO discs packed full of documenteries...Total number of documenteries associated with the movies to: 42...not including the ones the History Channel will do on the making of the making of the making of the documentery about the exact spot chosen for Aragorn to stand on the 13,231st frame of The Two Towers. The documenteries range from the making of Gollum to Commentary by the assistant cameramans coffee bitch (they call him the "errand boy") Overall the 12 seperate DVD's have over 200 hours of viewing time. I plan on watching about half of Return of the King sometime between now and the time i graduate college. The rest will gather dust with that great theatrical masterpiece "Joyride" i got for my birthday last year. ( You know who you are, what the hell were you thinking...Joyride?!) Not that i have anything against LOTR, but allowing my ass to numb for 188 hours while watching the making of a 3 hour movie isnt my idea of a good time.
Candy: Assorted chocolate items, some candy canes, good stuff...
and finally...
The Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding by Arnold Shwarzenegger: At a whopping 736 pages the book itself is almost as big as the man who wrote it at his prime in 1980. Basically the book is a gigantic tome of weightlifting and bodybuilding knowledge complete with.......the most disgusting pictures of the most ripped oily men in the tightest underwear you will ever see. They cover every page, each picture complete with commentary of the great Ahnold himself. I quote: "Posing for Joe always ended up giving me a terrific workout", and many other much more risque pictures and quotes. Basically, the book is all about showing off these mountains of muscle in the most girly poses they can pull off to flex every disgustingly bulbous muscle on their body. This book has opened my eyes, I just realized that some guy named Franco Columbo has arms that are easily bigger than my torso. Every picture in the book shows way to much skin, seeing as they cant seem to wear anything bigger than a teensy thong...and these are not hot super models, these are BIG UGLY MEN WITH MORE MUSCLE MASS THAN A HORSE. Why the HELL did my dad get me this book?!
That wraps up about what i got.
What I wanted: A fixed car, and a 40 gig IPOD, those were all i asked for, instead I was cursed with the Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding....
Until next year, ill post again....
sprint