Jun 29, 2004

Radiohead

It is that magical time of your night again, where you forget everything else and sit your ass down in front of a glowing screen to read what is new with me, a boy who sucks at soccer, enjoy. Today had morning weights again, upper body day, I surprised myself by doing 115 pounds on the bench press one time, it will never happen again, freak accident. After that I came home, and (illegally, damn curfew rules) snuck downstairs and took a nap on the sofa in my dads office until about 3. Then I left and spent the next 3 hours on the town, going to the bank, getting gas, stopping by Subway to get the BLT footlong for $3.21, of course I should've realized I had a soccer game in 1 hour by that point, and the extra jalepenos wouldn't help my game. So at the game I sucked it up as usual, I may have looked flashy burning girls and then passing the ball to the freshman who subsequently lost it. I probably should've had 5 assists that game, and 2 goals, but ended up with one assist. I guess it was kinda funny when one of the girls from their team laid me flat on my ass, but she tackled me football style from my back, and it was with good form too, Coach Tifert would have been proud, so I can still keep my masculinity. Needless to say we won the game 4-0 and it was our teams first victory, ironically it was only the second time I had actually played for that team...

It is now time for that random funny part I decided to start including in my blog post every day. Today's topic will involve quotable quotes from my dad, many who have been to my house have heard them, and will recognize some of the more popular ones...
"The hula hoop goes around many times, but we only go around once" - Yes, he said it, it is the worst metaphor, or whatever figure of speech that is, that I have ever seen, he is comparing life to a fucking hula hoop, terribly. The hula hoop goes around many times? Why do we only go around once? What the hell are you talking about dad?
"What are you talking about, Aaron doesn't have any testicles" - Screw you dad, don't say that in front of my friends, you honestly don't want me to call when I stick you in a retirement home. (something along these lines has been said many times, with friends present)
"If you ever want to do drugs, do them with us" - Alright, should I be excited to sit there and get stoned or tripped out with my parents? "Hey dad, you wanna go down to the corner, score some X and get fucked up with me?" That is incredible family fun, i recommend every kid convince their parents to do drugs with them.
"Going into the sauna naked with family is natural" - Maybe in the deepest pits of hell...
"I like the softcore porn because it only teases you, that hardcore stuff makes me horny to fast, but the see through panty shots are good, because they are artsy" - Artsy? Why the hell is my dad looking at porn on the internet with his 12 year old son and his friends in the room?
"Whenever you masturbate to a fantasy with a girl you know she receives some of the energy that you release during the masturbation, and that energy can make her be wary of you, since you two have touched consciousness" - Someone is still missing the days on the commune.
"What are you talking about? Aaron is gay!" - Why the hell do you say this in front of friends, come on, you do know I get all sorts of grief for that stuff.
"Don't ever wax your ass" - Have you tried?!
"Jesus Christ was in actuality a mushroom" - Wow, you sound dumber than Dubya, and that is hard.
There are many many more quotable quotes from my dad, some are a little bit to explicit or controversial to even post in this blog, which is bad because I will say just about anything. So there you have it, my dad is fucked up. If anyone remembers any more, just post them in the comments section anonymously if you don't have an account.

Latest news: My dad bought Shayan's bass amp, he used it for 5 minutes, and it will now gather dust for the next 25 years.

Nut Watch: They are back to normal, i hope never to take a pill shot again.

Alright "Brat", nice to have a seminar buddy here, so can I still sign your chest?

I reached my soccer playing peak during sophomore year, it will all be downhill from there.

Best Buy is never going to call, time to annoy the hell out of them until they get fed up and give me an interview.

I'm a direct descendant of William Clark, best recognize!

Currently listening to: Radiohead - Paranoid Android (I have listened to Radiohead a lot recently)

Currently Reading: The Boys of Summer (Its about the Brooklyn Dodgers the year they signed Jackie Robinson)

Currently smelling:Me...ewwww

Currently eating: Strawberry yogurt

Currently craving: More damn yogurt

Currently talking to: Chelsea and Ashley E

George Bush, you and my father are fucking morons.

Peace, Mushrooms, Sprint

Jun 28, 2004

The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys

Today, normal, weights, sleep, chill. I had a lot of fun the night before, a couple of girls and me snuck out and walked around the park a bit (big pimpin)!! But, they were good girls and we just talked, it was all good while it lasted, because I'm down with just talking. Then at about 3:45 AM a crazy drunk lady started yelling for what I guess was her daughter was at ZombieFest and disappeared. She thought that my friends were her daughter and her daughters friend, it was funny/creepy when the lady chased them down the street cussing them out. For your enjoyment, here is basically what she said, "Get back here you fucking bitches, fuck you you dirty fucking skanks, fucking little cunts, ill fuck you up you damn dirty little bitches, what were you doing out here, sucking cock? (at that point she noticed me sitting there laughing), that's right, you dirty little bitches were sucking cock, fuck you, cock sucking little bitches." I laughed a lot, and the night was fun until I found out that one of them was pretty much grounded indefinitely for it, so then I felt sorry, even though it was their idea to go there. So basically the day was uneventful until about 9:45 then the movie started. The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys was one of the best coming of age movies I have ever seen, it ranks up there with City of God on my badass movie list, which I will post someday. The movie simply connects with me for some reason, I guess it's because I can relate to the main characters in almost all ways. (except they are all catholic and I'm not). It is yet another movie I recommend for everyone to see at least once, but who the fuck am I? Don't listen to me, listen to another drunken loser, the Filthy Critic.

Latest news: I got my paycheck today, a total of $39.45, it made me incredibly happy, that was $13.95 more than I was expecting.

I have stalker on AOL Instant Messenger, she has used more than 8 different aliases to talk to me when i block her. She wont send me a pic of herself, yet claims to be "hott", yeah, and monkeys fly out of my butt. (Fucking chimps) I don't know if she gets the hint that I DON'T want to talk to her when she keeps getting blocked.

Starting tomorrow I am going to add a funny/interesting section about random things, as well as finish up the Casa Montez series here sometime soon, so wet yourself in anticipation.

Iraq is a sovereign nation, let the countdown to full scale civil war begin.

Current movie I want to buy: The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys

Currently listening to: The Beta Band - Dry the Rain

Currently eating: Stuft Nutty Bar (extra peanut butter)

Currently craving: Sleep

Currently talking to: Brittany and Tiffany

Peace, Sleep, Flying monkeys, Sprint

Jun 27, 2004

No sir

Alright, I have returned, you can all rest easy. These last couple of days have been interesting, and a little boring at times so I'll just go over the main points. Saturday, I did basically nothing until work, then worked for a long time, then made 8 dollars in tips, then went home. Took a sauna (220 degrees), it was damn good, took a shower, then Eman called me and told me about a kegger out in Webb City. I followed him there, and it sucked, i sat around and watched people get stoned, and was bored off my incredibly bony, white ass. Maher and Marsh showed up later, and we decided it was gay (another sausegefest), so we all came back to my house. They promptly thought that was gay and left, leaving me there all alone. I made it to bed around 3...Today I woke up about 1 PM, and chilled for a bit, then a whole bunch of my parents friends came over, but with them came Saysan, so we hung out for awhile. We went to Taco Bell, and made rude gestures at Morgan Seacrists house. After that we walked down to Anissa's and we chilled there for a bit. At Anissa's house I made an interesting discovery, Anissa can FUCKING SING, she has an INCREDIBLE voice, she sang and played guitar for us. Her voice is like a mix between the singer for the Cranberries, and Amy Lee of Evenescence, and both of those ladies can sing like no other. In fact she had actually recorded a song that got played on the radio, but her mom made them stop playing it because it was about her, and she wasnt saying good things either. So good luck to Anissa, I think you could be the next Jewel, before she turned into a pop diva. After that I did what I do best, sit around and not do a damn thing, no one called, no one talked to me online, so I went out to Food 4 Less and got myself some bananas and half and half. With these items I came home and made a very delicious banana blueberry smoothie. I made a lot, and it is quite scrumtious, but you cant have any so don't ask.

Latest News: I have a curfew now, I have to be in bed by 12:00, and I have to be awake by 8:00 every damn morning. My dad simply got angry about me sleeping in and never doing any work around the house, well, now I'm just going to be getting up early and not doing any work. My dad also doesn't realize that I do a lot of work around here, but I just don't help him do the useless jobs, such as drilling holes at random spots in the yard. (which he did, for no apparent reason)

Summer weights tomorrow, damn.

I somehow let Saysan talk me into letting her dye my hair dirty blonde, with blonde streaks. Then give me a wardrobe makeover...it started today and will conclude with the dying on Thursday, let me just say that getting your eyebrows plucked is hell, don't do it.

My gay uncle just showed up, with his gay Chinese lover, why are they spending the night here?!? I swear if I hear creaky bedsprings I am going to vomit.

Nut Watch: Nearly back to normal, bruising mostly subsided, swelling gone...

Pixies are gonna play KC in October, must get tickets or forever hate myself for missing the Pixies reunion tour.

Currently Reading: Filthy's Farenheight (sp?, site's spell checker licks my bruised balls) 9/11 review...

Currently Eating: Blueberry Banana smoothie, I have a lot left and am starting to feel sick.

Currently Smelling: Old Spice

Currently Listening to: Pixies - Where Is My Mind

Currently talking to: Brittany and Jessica

George W. Bush, you are an F to the UCKING moron.

Love Pixies,
Sprint

Jun 26, 2004

Yes sir

Didn't post last night because I was dead tired, so if you were offended, then I am truly sorry, perhaps a donation would help me stay awake and post at night. Yesterday, I slept in, skipped weights, sat on my ass, went to Taco Bell, and waited for soccer practice. Did the soccer practice thing, had fun, sucked at soccer, went home. Then Maher and Marsh came over, just out of the blue, and we were all bored for awhile. It was trash night, so I scoured the house for trash, and walked up Interstate 43, I mean my driveway, and put it out there for the garbage man to collect. Then Maher and Marsh left, I felt tired, and went to bed early, at about 11:30. Then I slept for 14 straight hours, no shit, 14 hours, when I woke up I was amazed, and still incredibly groggy for just having the longest uninterrupted sleep session of my life. At that time I decided I had 5 hours until work that I needed to play some MVP Baseball 2004, and I did, for 2 glorious hours I immersed myself in the radioactive glow of the television, and it was good. Then my mom chartered me to move gravel from one end of the property to the other, that blew, but I did about half of it before I used the "whoops, time to get ready for work" excuse. So I hastily got ready, and having an hour before work, went out to Hastings to chill for the next 45 minutes. After that I went to work, I was bussing with Jessie tonight, so we had fun and talked about parties and all that riff raff, it got pretty busy and at about 8:30 a party of 30 came in, some little league baseball team, they were total punks, one of them called 911 from the payphone in the lobby, so the cops showed up and questioned people about it. Jessie promptly ate his stash that was hidden in his back pocket, and our manager became severely pissed off. Needless to say, Jessie was cut at 9 and I was left to clean up the mess that about 15 punk little kids and their parents make, all by my lonesome. Needless to say, it took a long time, and I got out an hour and a half later than I should have, but I also made 27 dollars in tips, so I was happy, albeit extremely tired and worn out. Then I get a call from Ahnold, i mean Eman, who tells me there is a get together at Eric's house. So I go home, change clothes, and head out there, hang with some people for awhile, then came home. It is now 3:00 I was going to write part 2 of the Casa Montez series, but I'll save it for another time.

Latest News: Carlos Beltran is an Astro, now the Royals REALLY suck.

Nut Watch: The bruising has mostly subsided, the swelling is nearly entirely gone, it still hurts to do any vigorous activity that would cause "bouncing"

I have terrible gas, damn you Mexican food, you can take your beans to hell where they belong.

I challenge you to a dance off.

"Brat" who posted a comment, you are (hopefully) an unknown person, and for that I love you, and humbly ask you to sign my chest. And yes, Jack Johnson is amazing, if you have not become one with the Jack, then i weep for the deprivation your ears have had to go through.

Now put everyone put a quarter in your ass because you played yourself.

Currently listening to: Mission of Burma - That's When I Reach for my Revolver

Currently eating: Fresh picked blueberries (yummy)

Currently smelling: My damn gas (beans can suck my partially swollen left nut), I am honestly going to take a flamethrower to Mexico, by that I mean this gas is SO bad that I could light one of my "air excretions" and turn Mexico into Hiroshima.

Currently reading: The Filthy Critics latest post....see it here http://www.filthycritic.com/filthy/

George Bush, today's fucking moron makes you look like Einstein, yes that is right, Brittany Spears, you win the fucking moron award, you are engaged to a poser gangster/backup dancer/deadbeat dad/flaming retard. Maybe he will knock you up, get you two kids, and leave you, like he did his last woman. God damn Brittany, to what lengths won't you go for sex, I am hotter than that schmuck, do me instead!

Peace, blueberries, Sprint


Jun 23, 2004

Yes it is a day

Today was a day like any other, I had morning weights on very few hours of sleep, although it was worth it because I had a lot of fun at the party last night. So after nearly dying at weights, I checked my 8 fantasy baseball teams, and headed off to take a nap, I slept until 5 o'clock, and needed to be at work in 30 minutes. At that time I noticed my NEW CLEATS sitting at the foot of my bed, I opened the box and it let out a sigh, inside were two beautiful Puma Icana cleats, one for each foot. The only problem is, they are skinny, and my feet are pretty fat, but they fit, just a bit tight, i cant wait to try them out. But by that time it was 5:15, so I rushed myself to work, and did the busboy thing. At about 6:30 Jessica and Brittany showed up to keep me company, so I talked to them for a bit, that really brightened up my day, and made work fun for awhile until they left, so that was great. Then I came home and chilled, so basically today involved a lot of sleeping and working, so to make this post more interesting, I'm going to start a 3 part series on Casa Montez.

Part 1: The Employees: There are many strange things at Casa Montez, the strangest being the customers, then comes the employees, then comes the actual resturaunt itself. There were some normal employees, but they were fired a long time ago. I will only tell the stories of the biggest freaks here, starting with the fact it is a Mexican restraunt, there are 6 cooks, and 3 of them are Mexican, and I'm pretty sure that two of them don't even speak Spanish. Two of them are incredibly fat and white, and sweat profusely, and the third (who also serves, and consequently named Aaron) is actually pretty cool besides the fact he is about as ugly as a bald guy with a goatee can get, which is really fucking ugly. Then let us move on to the dishwashers, there are 4 different dishwashers that I have seen, two of them are Mexican convicts who barely speak English, but are pretty cool, besides the fact they take half eaten meat off of the plates and save it and actually eat it, now that shit is nasty. One of them is a mentally challenged (retard) guy, he thinks he is all that, and he is in love with techno, he claims to be a DJ, and I almost believe him. His voice is high and whiney, and you can't understand a word he is saying most of the time, but you can talk him into covering any shift for you without much difficulty (he also busses sometimes). The last guy was just hired recently I think, and he exemplifies trailer park trash, he has long dark hair, with blonde streaks which he puts into a pony tail, wears clothes waaaay to big for him, has a bunch of tattoos, dropped out of high school, and has a goatee, he scares the crap out of me. The managers arent all that bad, pretty nice except for the one who is also a server, I'll get to him later. One of the managers is Briton, Morgan Amayo is his step sister, I made the mistake of calling her a fox in front of him, he was pissed. Other than that the managers are nice (except one), I'm not going to go into detail on them. There are a lot of servers, they are almost all alcoholics, well, the interesting ones anyways, there is Grant, he is bald and is the head server, all around a pretty cool guy, has a 3 year old daughter, she is cute. There is Malerie, she is hot, but like 24, and pretty freakish if you ask me, she is always talking about either A. beer, or B. sex. There is Chris (who is also a manager), he is a freak, he is ugly, has a wart thing the size of my big toe on his face, it looks like a huge zit, it looks like it could pop. He is a huge asshole, in fact one of the biggest I know, i don't like him, but he is the most lenient manager (surprisingly). There is Melissa, a young girl that goes to MSSU, she has a leg that like doesn't bend, and is pretty cool otherwise. Corey is 17 and goes to Seneca, he is pretty cool, were gonna go party sometime. Then there is Birdie, I don't know her real name, but we call her Birdie, because she is old, red haired, incredibly stupid, never listens to anything, and is always talking and chirping about stuff, so we call her Birdie, I don't like her at all. The rest of the servers are not important, they don't really do anything special, but have their own freakish qualities as well. The busboys are made up of me, Justin Devine, and a kid called Jessie, Justin is the biggest horn-dog I've ever met in my life he is 17, and many people I know don't like him, but for some reason I can stand him, so its all good. Jessie is a pretty cool guy he is 17 too, total stoner, but I can live with that, he drives a Camaro and has already been arrested with a DUI, but many people at my work think that me and him look like twins, even though we really don't, but they call us Mary Kate and Ashley, (I'm Mary Kate). There are many stories about the employees, but I am sure they will be told someday, this was just a teaser to get you to begin to fear that which is Casa Montez.

Latest News: Best Buy hasn't called me in for an interview yet, damnit, I'm not going to be hired.

Nut Watch: Still bruised, swelling has gone down.

I want a webcam, so keep those donations coming.

Is there anyone besides Thomas reading this?

Currently listening to: Jack Johnson - Flake

Currently eating: Popsicle (all natural fruit popsicle)

Currently reading: On the Sweet Spot (about being "in the zone" whilst playing golf)

Currently loving: My new cleats

Currently Hating: No one! :)

George W. Bush is a muthaflucking moron.

Float on away, peace, Sprint

Alright, big day

Today has been quite eventful I am proud to say, not much has happened, but what has happened has been fun, funny, important, and incredibly painful. It started out with a very easy session of morning weights which made me happy, then I did my patented "gellin" method around the house until about 5. It was about then I decided to get my lazy ass out of the house, and into the great unknown that is Joplin. The reason it is unknown is because you never know what kind of sick, twisted, perverted, redneck thing you are going to run into next, a good example would be my dad wearing the heavily tattered cutoff jean shorts that almost went to his thighs, while watching me play soccer. That is the kind of thing you run into in Joplin, that experience was nearly as scarring as the time he chased me and my friends around the pool naked, but that is an entirely different story.

On to what happened today: I went to Schlotzkeys deli and got myself a very sexy pastrami on rye sandwich, god damn it was good, I need to go back and get more of that shiz nit. After enjoying that tasty meal, I headed across the street to my favorite store in town, Hastings. If they sold underwear at Hastings, I would never have to go to another store again, they have everything I need, music, movies, magazines of all types, shirts, candy, porn, hot chicks wandering around, guitars (shitty ones), and books (but who needs those). So after bowing in worship at the front door, I walked into the hallowed halls, picked up what I was looking for, which just happened to be the Beastie Boys new CD, The 5 Burroughs. Paid for it in all ones, and was able to con the lady behind the desk into believing I was 17, then happily skipped out to my car to be ready for Mix Masta Mike's phat beats. And the beats were fucking phat, in fact, if you ever have liked the Beastie Boys in the past, or liked Eminem, or liked Vanilla Ice, or liked any white rapper, hate bush, or even liked Sonny and Cher, then you need to get this CD. It is incredible, as the first low frequency tones were slowly murdered by my shitty ass speakers, I knew that I had sunk my jaws into an incredible album. If you buy one new CD that came out this month, make it that one, it is epic. (with a strong anti-bush message)
After that I gathered my things and headed on out to the soccer fields for what I hoped would be a good game. Well, it started off with my cleats completely coming apart, and me having to wear Daniel's Vapors, those hurt, but nothing compared to what hurt would come, and then that was coupled with the fact that I suck at soccer, bad. But dutifully fulfilling my name with about 30 seconds remaining in the game, I had the ball, was running, made a bad touch, kicked it to far in front, the defender boots it out with all his power, he boots it right into my fucking BIT AND TACKLE...If you ever want to know the true meaning of pain, get kicked with a soccer ball, rising underneath your nuts at probably about 40 miles per hour, it consequently knocked me off of my feet, and onto the ground. I wish I had passed out from the pain right then, but I didn't, instead of having it go to my stomach, that fucking pain went right into my head, I had the worst migrane ever, and then the pain just seemed to spread to all parts of my body, especially in my stomach and my nut sack. I lay there facedown on the ground, in to much pain to move, moaning and drooling, and saying things in a language which I had never heard. Abruptly the game stopped, and everyone started to point and laugh, but I didn't care, I was in way to much pain, by this time I was curled in a little ball, still facedown, and unable to move. What happened for the next 10 minutes seems incredibly foggy, and I don't think i retained conciseness the whole time, but I remember people making jokes about it, I remember Timmy kicking me really hard while I was on the ground, I remember Chris stealing the shoes I was wearing (damn Mexican), I remember people tapping me and saying "way to take it like a man". Yes, I was taking it like a man, whimpering, drooling, and crying while lying face first in the middle of a soccer field. After those 10 minutes were up, I remembered where I was, and was able to somehow get up, gather my things, and take the next 20 minutes to slowly limp to my car, which was consequently parked in the furthest location there was. I lost one of my socks along the way, but I didn't care, Eric walked by and told me that there was going to be this bitchen party later on, I told him I would go if my testicles were feeling up to the challenge of not hurting. Just writing all of what happened down is causing the testicles to throb in pain as they were before, but I have also, for your viewing pleasure, compiled a list of what I cant/wont do.
What I can't/won't do after this incident: 1) Get an erection
2) Have sex
3) Have kids (goes with 2)
4) Not wear a cup (it is always gonna be on now)
5) Play soccer
6) Play any sport with a ball that is heavier than a beach ball
7) Speak in a low voice/sing bass (I'm, going to be 12 forever now :( )
8) Look at porn again (will hurt emotionally)
9) Make fun of people who get hit in the pills
10) Hit anyone in the pills
11) Be happy
Basically that one incident has changed my life forever, my parents can forget about having grandkids from me, the Wynhausen family line will have one less male heir of a reproducing age, and I will be a grade A pussy when it comes to my nuts. Will, I finally understand your pain, up until the getting the shot to deflate the penis, I didn't need that thankfully. So go ahead, make fun of my bruised nuts, (yes, they have changed to a bruised color) but just remember that when it happens to you, that I warned you about the non-usage of cups in everyday situations.
After somehow getting home, and lying in the shower for awhile, the grogginess went away, and Maher and Shayan came over, jacked around a bit, got on my MSN account and said shit to people, bastards, then Eman came over and chilled with his girl for a bit. They all decided to leave at some point or another, and I decided my nuts weren't throbbing as much as they were, so I would go get some Taco Bell, and check out this party. The party turned out to be great, thrown by the very beautiful Kristy, it was a McAuly party and was just a blast, I was one of about 5 JHS kids there, so it turned out great, my reputation hadn't preceded me, and I was able to actually talk to people without them running away screaming for cover. Needless to say, I didn't have a drop of alcohol, I decided to remain sober because I needed to wake up at 8, and then work later in the day, and I remembered what happened last time I got drunk on a day before I was supposed to work, so for being entirely sober, I had a great time just talking to people, and making new friends, plus I got an invite to any other parties that any of these people knew about. (Did I mention that McAuly girls are inherently hot? screw public school, being Catholic must work out for the looks, even if you go out drinking and partying each weekend, just shows how much god cares about that sin stuff...i mean come on I like this message - "worship me, ill make you hot, do whatever, but stay hot so that I can look at you in the shower") Holy shit, that is going to piss people off, but I don't really care, I would rather piss people off with my posts than kiss ass. So after staying at the party, and being one of the last people there, just talking, I said goodbye to those very few who remained and headed on home. So today on a scale of 1-10 was about a 1....but it would be a 10 if I had scored the goal I missed and not gotten kicked in the nuts.

Latest News: I suck ass at any sports related activity, why do I continue trying?

I'm broke, donations are accepted at any time, just send me an email, I'll give you my address, and you can write a check. I cant keep this goodness going on this website without money, even if it is a free website.

Current testicle watch: Still brown and a little purple, hurts to sit, hurts to move, hurts to think....the throbbing never stops, and they are quite swollen.

Got a lot of new connections, it seems that being outgoing works, who would've known?

Currently listening to: Frank Zappa - Why Does It Hurt When I Pee (it seems a bit appropriate for what happened today, although it hurts when I pee because my penis and testicles were hit incredibly hard, not because I got it from the toilet seat, and it jumped right up and grabbed my meat.)

Currently eating: Salted pumpkin seeds, those things are addicting.

Currently reading: Kasey's Jail Journal (its trippy)

I realize that in my last post I forgot my George Bush is a fucking moron. Well he still is, but I want to add to this today...George Bush is a fucking moron, and I am a fucking moron for giving that damned ball an open shot to my nuts.

Peace, Pain, Sprint





Jun 22, 2004


This is the horse called star, he is a black pony of some sort, unich as well, incredibly cautious horse. Posted by Hello

This is the horse called Diamond, it is a Tenesee Walker, 3 years old. Posted by Hello

Jun 21, 2004

Hey Ya

Alright, well, I'm starting to get a bit tired of basically saying the same damn thing every day, so starting now I am going to make my blog as controversial as possible, so get ready to bitch at me for my insanely liberal views, when I do get around to actually writing something controversial. So today I decided to skip weights, I got up at about 8:10, looked outside, and saw it was raining, at that point I simply decided I wasnt going to get up. Another reason is I had just come down off the best dream of my life, and I wanted to just lie in bed and think about it. The dream was quite nice, any guy out there reading this should realize what that dream was about. Yes, it was totally about having my own Maserati, I woke up wet...So after skipping weights I chilled around the house for a bit, and I just realized, that I didn't do a damn thing today, Maher came over, and we tossed the old pigskin around for 20 minutes, then he went to work. So I went back to sitting around doing nothing, apparently there was a party tonight, and Eman invited me, but I have to get up early for weights, and I also have a soccer game tomorrow, so ill skip this round of parties.

Today I did learn one thing though, and that is to be President, all you need to win are 11 select states, then you get all the electoral votes needed to become the next president of what will remain of the United States after the Bush dynasty is through. So now when I am running for president, I can give a hearty "Fuck you" to campaigning in North Dakota, and Wyoming, and start paying off anyone with power in Texas and California.

Latest News: I have some pictures of the horses up, check them out, because they are sexy, quite sexy, they are so damn se-...i need to go to the bathroom...I'll um...be back.....soon.

Yes that last thing was quite gay, but you know what, I don't give a rats ass.

My parents read part of my blog, but didn't get to anything that they would kill me for. The browser was open on my computer, thank god I was able to get back there and accidentally unplug my computer, then have it conviniently "break" when they wanted to read it.

In response to the comment on my last post by the anonymous person, 1) You are a fucking moron
2) Unless you are a hot girl, don't bother 3)You left no way for me to contact you 4)I wont send shit unless you meet criteria #2, and you send me multiple pictures of you naked, even then I wont guarantee that I will send you jack shit. Just look at the pictures of the horses, they are naked, be happy.

Currently listening to: Incubus - Drive

Currently eating: Fingernail?

Currently reading: All that little print on the dollar bill in front of me.

Current website:

Peace, Love, Yellowstone, Sprint

Happy Fathers day

Happy day of the dad to everyone, I hope you had fun brown-nosing and saying I love you more than I did. I do love you by the way, I love everyone. So today was actually pretty good, I made 40 bucks, and got a free dinner, movie, and show at my dinner, so in that regard it all worked out. So basically I got up and went to work, survived the Fathers Day rush, and made 20 bucks in tips. Went home, and 2 hours later was on my way to see the new Harry Potter movie. It was damn good, very dark and cool for a kiddy movie, so that made me think, "wow, Harry Potter can be pretty bad-ass." After sitting in the movies for about 3 hours it seemed, and having my feet turn blue from frostbite. Trust me, flip flops and movie theatres are not a good combo, my feet are still chilled right now, about 8 hours later. So after the movie we decided to head on over to Japanese Steak House/Sushi Bar, the name is something like that, I wish they could get a real name like The Lotus Leaf, come on you wouldn't call someplace "The Local Chinese Whorehouse Featuring the Fart Bitches", you would call it "The House of Happy Brown Wang". That place was pretty cool though, they started out by taking you to your own little giant skittle and having a chef basically play Japanese Yakov as he does some pretty amazing feats with the spatula and knife, and an egg. Such as: Spinning the egg, then flipping it up with his spatula up into the air, and catching it again without breaking it, then basically flipping it around again and doing all sorts of crazy stunts. When he drops an egg, he makes a one liner like, "Thats how they do it at Waffle House", you're damn right, those skanks at Waffle House, they suck, go to IHOP. So after chopping and throwing food everywhere, he actually puts it on your plate and makes some more jokes like "I'm a Japanese cowboy" (while twirling knife and spatula", lights the skillet on fire, then leaves. The food is pretty good, the sushi is mediocre and very Americanized, they don't even have the traditional Japanese names by it. So if you go, go for the show. I picked up a job application anyways, because Casa Montez is a grease fest on steroids and incredibly skanky at that, this place seemed much cleaner. After that I came home and gelled here for the next few hours.

Latest news: I just realized that a lot of people come to me when they want relationship help, and that I somehow find a way to soothe them, even though I have never been in that sort of situation myself, I guess being rejected a record number of times in middle school did some good to me.

I work for 10 hours next week, i need another damn job bad.

June is slipping away from between my fingers, the sands of time are escaping, summer is over 1/3 over...when do I panic?

I just realized I need to wake up in 6 hours for weights, shit, time to wrap this up.

Currently Listening to: Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You (awesome ass song, everyone needs to check it out)

Currently eating: Nutty Bar (From the makers of Prilosec)

Currently Reading: What I just wrote in my blog

Current webpage: http://www.thefilthycritic.com (worlds best and most vulgar movie critic, i mean when the first paragraph of a review starts like this, you know its gonna be good:
"Here's a little cooking tip from someone who likes to watch the Food Network after coming home from the Tavern until about four in the morning, at which time I either pass out in my soiled pants, or I am so inspired that I whip up a batch of waffles using flour, vanilla, sugar and shaving cream because I don't know how the fuck to "beat eggs until stiff." I know how to beat something else until stiff, but I can never leave well enough alone and then continue to beat until soft. The waffles aren't that bad. I mean, yeah, you get sick, but what good cooking foesn't give you the runs? Anyway, I've watched enough hot chicks sucking wooden spoons and moaning "Ohh, that's good" to fuel a million fantasies about being kitchen utensils and also to know what makes food good. "

Georgie, fuck you, you moron.

Peace Sprint Love

Jun 19, 2004

Again I return

Today sucked, from the hangover to SNL sucking ass, it wasn't very good. It started out normal, with one hell of a headache, and then during work, took a turn for the worse. I had to work at 12, and showed up half an hour early so that I could get myself a free lunch before I work. It wasn't all that bad, or so I thought, at about 1 o'clock I started feeling terrible, I could handle the headache, and the nausea, but my stomach felt like it had one of those little bastards from Alien crawling around inside of it. Realizing that I had just eaten Mexican style food, my first conclusion was, "fuck, im going to die, I had a hangover, and I just ate a bean burrito with jalepenos and a lot of hot sauce." Needless to say, thirty minutes later I was worshipping the porcelain god, and all I got in return for my prayers was a clogged toilet, filled with beans, jalepenos, and the occasional grape bits. I went back to work, but then 20 minutes after that, the rest of it came up, so they decided to send me home, with my throat still burning from what had gone down and up in that short span of time. I went home, and went to bed, slept until about 6 o'clock, and still wasnt feeling much better.

When I woke up, there happened to be about 6 of Veronica's little friends running around, so I knew the headache would just get worse. Luckily Saysan and her cousin Alix were here, and we decided to go down to check out the horses and try to catch them, the problem being, horses are clumsy, and I was a moron and wore flip flops. The first time, the horse missed my foot, and just broke one of the shoes, the second time, it missed the shoes, and just broke two of my toes. After that I took Saysan over to a friends house because they were going to go to the drive in at Carthage. Maher came over and we decided to go get a little Taco Bell (still holding it down, that would be the first thing today), and then watch SNL. The problem being, SNL wasn't funny at all, Donald Trump was hosting, and there was no slapstick, it was all smart ass gay jokes, that almost made me want to hurl again, if SNL isn't funny, then life really isn't worth living.

Recent news: Thomas, your little comment, what the hell are you talking about, first you say I have some speed, then you say I'm the slowest, and you even went as far as to mention that if I had some skill I could start varsity? First: I now do have some speed, and I am no longer the slowest person on the team, I wasn't last year, and the only time I was, was in Freshman year. Two: Anyone with skill and speed could start varsity. Three: It isn't physically possible for me to have skill, or to start varsity, the reason being: The sky hasn't fallen yet.

They finally beheaded that guy in Saudi Arabia, they say 2 chicks for every man, that's 4 for me now...

Yes, I'm sick and twisted.

My stupid sister injured one of the horses due to her being retarded.

City of God is one incredible movie, and don't be scared off by the name, it is incredibly violent, true, and teaches no religious message.

The music video for Tenacious D - Fuck Her Softly is really funny

Currently listening to: The Shins - Pink Bullets

Currently Reading: My latest Sports Illustrated

The Dick and Ashcroft are fucking evil, Wolfowitz needs to kill himself, Rumsfeld is a monster, and George W. Bush is a fucking moron.

Continue loving and being peaceful,
Sprint

A bit drunk

Hey folks, time for tonight's post, the problem being, I'm a little bit drunk. (Thank god for spell check, at least i can still read sorta) Today was Friday, Fridays are the best days of the week, you get parties, sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. I'm sad to say, I only experienced two of those, and I'm still a virgin, so that means there was a party, and a little bit of rock and roll, then the stoners went outside and smoked some gonja. I met some pretty cool cats tonight, Nick #1 and uh...Nick #2, Candice, Shauana, Tommy (threw bitchen party, although it was a bit of a cockfest, until the end there), and um...anyone who's name I got, which I have now forgotten, you were probably cool too...

Today started out like normal, morning weights, yes, on Friday...it wasnt to bad. After that I cleaned my room a bit and seriously chilled around the house all day, wasnt feeling all that well. At about 8 Maher called and said there were gonna be some parties, I said sign me up, and he came over. We decided to head on out to Tommy's house for his party, but not after we picked up Marsh and went on out to the Bell for some Tex-Mex goodness. Met Ethan Edmond and his buds there, talked a bit, got my steak quesadilla and headed out for Tommy's. After we arrived, there were about 7 people there, Alex S., Tommy, Eric and his girl Johnna, JJ (who I worked with at Shakeys), Patricia, Nick #1, and a couple of other dudes who's names i never got. So for the next few hours it was about 7 people, (Eric had to go home for a bit), just sitting around having fun. Then at about 12:30 about 25 guys showed up, all of them older, and all of them drunk, with the grass they brought with them. Then it was a total cock fest, with only a handful of girls, but they were all cool, and taken. So we got drunk, Maher and Marsh left to go get Maher's ex, the Jennifer, but ended up taking her home, while I stayed at the party, and chilled. I can now say that I have connections enough to buy some liquor for my upcoming party in August. The cops were supposedly called on us, but failed to arrive, and so after about 4 straight hours of partying I came home, and was happy, and drunk, and here I sit, in my boxers, about to fall asleep at my desk, typing away at this keyboard, reminiscing a pretty fun night, even though it was mostly guys, thank god that booze was invented for those situations, so you don't have to talk, only drink.

Latest News: Still drunk.

The girlfriend of Eric, (who is a bitchen individual),Johnna, lives really close to me, that is cool, I will probably see them around.

I work tomorrow, about damn time they gave me some hours, its been 2 weeks since I've been scheduled to have some.

I applied at Best Buy today, hopefully they call and I can get a second job.

There are lobsters on my boxers.

Currently Listening to: Ani DeFranco - Fuck You

Currently reading: The River, still,its about 1000 pages, give me a few days.

After much deliberation I realized that I am still single, damn.

George W. Bush, you are, a Fucking, moron.


Until next time, drink away,
*Sprint*

Jun 18, 2004

Y helo thar

Well, this post is prepared in advance, because at the moment the website is down and it won't let me post, personally i blame the conservatives, they didn't like my anti-American message, but today has been a fun tiring day, it appears life is back to normal.

I woke up this morning bright and early, and dutifully headed out to the weight room at Joplin High, did my little workout, and skipped speed city to play basketball with some of my soccer buddies and some basketball players, it was 5 basketball players, vs 6 soccer players, they kicked our ass so bad I'll be walking funny for a week. After that I went home and just chilled for a bit until soccer practice. At soccer practice we did some running, kicked some long balls, (mine actually, they do hang to the knees, it hurt a lot). While kicking those balls I popped my big toe, but was a trooper and kept playing. In the process of popping that big toe, my cleats completely came apart, so I had these little shoe tacks jamming up into my foot for the rest of practice. After practice Maher and Jeff Maxwell came over and we watched Road Trip, the uncensored version, there was a lot more booby in it, quite a pleasant sight. After that we decided to prank CENSORED(just in case someone rats on us) and we did some interesting stuff to that individual's car. So now here I sit, dead tired, furiously pounding away at this keyboard trying to make something entertaining so that someday someone may think I'm insightful.

Latest News: I bought myself some bitchen new cleats, Puma Icana's, I cant wait for them to arrive.

Rasputin had one hell of a penis, god damn, no wonder the Russian nobles wanted to kill him, penis envy. (why did they preserve it in a jar for 90 years though?!)

Apparently something was wrong with the little website spell checker yesterday, and it cant handle special characters.

Martha, I'm sorry I forgot to mention you, but you did ask.

I subscribe to Rolling Stone, and apparently Rolling Stone and playboy are shipped by the same people, two days ago I got a little subscription card from Playboy, 12 issues for 12 bucks, my dad promptly mailed it back, and is currently awaiting the first issue to arrive, and upon payment, I get a free Sexy Nude Coeds DVD. For some reason I am not excited, I think it is because of the fact that my dad is the one who is really wanting all this Playboy stuff. (Although I do like to look at the uh...articles)

Happy Birthday to Steph from the seminar, you are now immortalized online for being 16 on this day, have fun and remember the phrase "I'm 16, I do what I want"

AIDS came from a botched polio vaccine tested in Africa in the 50's, blame man for AIDS, not monkey fuckers.

Currently listening to: Gomez - Catch Me Up

Currently reading: The River (about how HIV and AIDS came to be, damn Belgium scientists)

Today's fucking moron award goes to: George W. Bush, with those damn dirty Belgium scientists coming in 2nd, bastards.


I love you all,
*-Sprint-*



Jun 15, 2004

Been a long time since I've been here last...

Hey everyone, been a long time since I have updated, sorry for the delay, but I have had a BITCHEN time over the time I've been gone! In fact, it is so far the highlight of my high school life so far. The MLS seminar is the bomb, and for those of you will never experience, I weep for your PMA! I am already missing all my friends from seminar, Ashley (Defense), Ashlie, Clay, Jay, Ryan and Aure (representing JoMo), Steph, Drew, Tymon, Casey, Anna, and all the other ambassadors (especially my group), SuFas and JuFas, I'll see all of you next year!

Because of the length of the next few parts, I'm gonna divide it up into: The Seminar, The drive home, and Life since the seminar.

The Seminar: I woke up bright and early Friday morning so that I could make the 2 and a half our trek to WarrensburgMo. The drive there was uneventful, I ended up parking at the exact opposite end of the school though, but after the walk I made it to the main registration. The first thing which I noticed was the people wearing staff shirts, and hula skirts...they all said, HI AARON FROM JOPLIN, and I ran away. I am generally an outgoing guy, and when I realized that these people weren't freaks, they were wicked awesome, they were just like me...and for once, I felt accepted.....
Anyways, after the opening speeches we got to know our group, and I met some wicked awesome people. At about that time i noticed that there were maybe 2 guys in each group for about 8 girls. This 4:1 girl to guy ratio was awesome, considering that most of them were very hot girls, it was about that time I decided this weekend was going to rock. They had these things called warm fuzzy's, a ball of string necklace thing, you were supposed to take off a bit of string and tie it onto someone else's necklace, then give them a BIG hug and a compliment, I abused that, but I love hugs from anyone so it rocked. It is impossible to put the weekend into words, it was that much fun. I loved almost every minute of it, everything except for the panels, those were boring, and I pretty much slept through those. Everything else though was awesome, the group activities, the PMA, the songs, the chants, everything. I met some awesome people and lo and behold, I was suddenly pimpin it up...which for me is a big deal, I'm not a pimp, by any means...and there were some awesome girls there, I love all of them, they were just plain awesome. I cant really go into detail, because I don't really have the words to describe it...other than...lots of babes, fun stuff to do, awesome people. There was a dance as well, and yes, I tried, and yes, I suck, but yes, it was SWEET, who wants to teach me how to dance?

The ride home: After a long and fucking awesome goodbye from A² duo. I set out to go home, I was a bit sleepy from the fact I got 3 hours of sleep the night before, and so i started driving off down the long and lonely road, after about 2 hours, I was starting to get a little bit sleepy, so i decided to put the car on cruise control and take a nap, because everyone knows that when the car is on cruise control it drives itself. In actuality, i decided to stop at the next exit and take a nap. 10 seconds later I feel this bumpyness beneath me, I instantly wake up, my car is halfway off the road in the median on highway 71. Iimmediatelyy do the stupid thing and swerve back on to the road, my car tips up on to two wheels, so I turn back the other direction, which made me spin out right in the middle of highway 71. After one and a half rotations, I am sitting in the middle of highway 71, my engine had died, there is a huge cloud of burnt rubber slowly drifting away from where my car was. Luckily for me there was no traffic or I would have died, going 75 miles an hour then spinning out at 75 miles an hour, if I had hit anyone itwould'vee been huge. So after sitting there for about 30 seconds, sweating, nearly peeing myself, and being in a total state of shock, I thought, "that was fucking AWESOME", started my car, turned it around, and kept going. It was the scariest most crazyexperiencee of my life, and it was actually a lot of fun, besides the fact my engine is acting funny, and i am burning gas twice as fast. I made it home safe, anddidn'tt sleep for about two days.

Since the seminar: Since the seminar life seems kinda boring and dull, I realized that I am not a very wholesome person, but oh well. On monday I started weights again, instantly sore, box jumps are killer. I am still trying to recover on sleep from the seminar. I don't really remember what has happened since the seminar...
Monday: I got my puny paycheck, did some work at home, and went to bed
Tuesday: Morning weights, did some work at home, talked to Ashley and Ashlie on the telephone, and went to bed.
Today: Woke up late, worked at home, and went swimming.


Latest News: I got leid and deflowered this weekend by Ashley Ray.

To all of you from Joplin, a "lei" is a flower wreath, and Ashley Rayisn'tt from Joplin, so stop being like OMG, NO WAY, SHE WOULD NEVER EVEN TALK TO YOU.

Maher and I found some sacred medicinal amazonian drug that is supposed to give you vision quests in my dad's dresser, why am I not surprised.

Some guy text messaged me and said he wanted to fuck me, first of all, HOW THE HELL DID HE GET MY NUMBER, second, WHY THE HELL DO YOU EVEN SEND THAT SHIT TO ANOTHER GUY!...What kind of sick shit is he?.....

Sorry about my blog not quite being in its former shape, I got out of shape writing over the weekend.

Sushi has been better to me than any woman has ever been.

My car alarm went off today after lightning struck about 30 feet away from Ichiban Sushi where Maher, Marsh, and I were eating...it was weird, I'm just glad it didn't hit my car.

I am not a pimp, never will be, and never should think I am.

George W. Bush es un joder imbécil. (spanish for George W. Bush is a fucking moron) (according to freetranslation.com)

Currently listening to: Hootie and the Blowfish - I Only Wanna Be With You

Currently reading: Magic Mushrooms in Religion and Alchemy

Website of the day:


Sorry about the delay, love peacefully till tomorrow
-Sprint

Jun 11, 2004

Sorry about last night...

I was dead tired, operating on very few hours of sleep with two workout sessions, a soccer game, working at my job (called in), and working around the house...I crashed at about 9 o'clock, so basically I didn't have time to post about the day, nothing really happened, weights, work, home (=work), sleep.

Today was my prep day to get ready for my trip up to Warrensburg, or wherever the hell CMSU is. Packed my gear, got my oil changed, got all pumped, the problem was that took a total of about half an hour, to have all of that stuff done, so basically i was so pumped, to just sit around on my ass. At about 7 I had soccer practice, so i drove on out there, did the running, pulled my groin, then during the scrimmage sucked ass. Yes, life back to usual, sitting on my ass all day and sucking at soccer. For a brief time there, I thought i was doing good, then came today and I knew that I still sucked, always have, always will. So my life the past two days has been pretty boring, but I am looking forward to this weekend.

The conference I know practically nothing about, I wrote some pure bullshit essay, (I said that I liked my sister, was responsible, was a leader, and had a small penis...)come on everyone knows that's bullshit, straight from the bulls ass, none of it is true. The counselors happened to like it though, (sympathy for saying i had a small penis), and when they called me in for the interview, nodded, smiled, and laughed at everything I said. Needless to say, they picked me, and I was happy; I had accomplished one of my goals which was to beat Skelly at something, and i did. So they gave all these packets to fill out, i did them sent them in, got this huge packet to fill out, and suddenly I'm in like Flynt. So I'm driving up there this weekend to have fun, apparently, they only called about 5 times telling me how fun this thing was, how we were going to spend 3 days getting our getting our salad tossed while learning how to be a leader. After all this hype I recapped what they had told me:
1)We get to be leaders.
2)3:1 girl to guy ratio. (i still have no chance, the phrase "even if you weren't the last man on earth" comes to mind)
3)Free T-shirt! *my favorite perk, i get to drive 2 and a half ours for a t-shirt
4)Routine salad tossings by girls who were to broke to keep attending CMSU. (Just to keep us there)

So i decided to go, I will attempt to update from there, I am sure that there is internet access so I will attempt to post from there to tell everyone how things are going on that front, if anyone cares.

Latest news: Will, I respect you, and you actually argue what I say, I like that. You are an awesome guy, now all we need to do is find someone to shave your back. Somehow my latest news on my last post got messed up. "Will and I are going to be sports announcers" didn't make it on there, I am sorry to all those which I offended by leaving that out.

I pulled my groin today, I pulled it much more when I got home. ;)

I am still needing that massage pretty hardcore. (maybe on the groin, its quite sore)

The horses are wicked cool.

Check out my buddy Thomas's blog, I don't think it is as cool as mine, although he thinks mine is gay, that from a kid who cut up his nuts with a razor, you be the judge. Http://t-hom.blogspot.com/

Monkey face (GWB) is a fucking moron!

Currently listening to: Franz Ferdinand - Dark of the Matinee


Ill post as soon as I can, so until next time,
Good night sirs.

(Sprint)

Jun 8, 2004

Fun day

Today was one of the longest hardest days I've ever had, but in a strange way, it was fun. I don't really have anything interesting or entertaining to talk about at the start of this entry, (do I ever)? Oh well, on to the meat. (read the soccer part if anything)

I woke up at 8 o'clock this morning and drove my tired ass to the school to go lift weights, we did bench press, incline press, and military press. I am one weak little bastard because I didn't lift very much, it was sad, and as of right now, I cant move my arms anywhere above my head, or behind my back.
After that I went home to take a nap, Casa Montez calls, the usual afternoon busser didn't show up, I have to fill in. Right now almost every muscle in my body is as tight as a virgin ass, and I have to stand around for four hours...Ok, cool, I make 5.15 an hour plus tips, I'm game for that. So after I stand around at work for a few hours, I take my break, gorge on the buffet, promptly throw it back up 10 minutes later, then finish working.
I go home, lounge around for a bit, maher calls, he decides to come over to check out the horses. As we are on the way down there, i realize I need to pee, so like an IDIOT I stand next to the electric fence. Luckily before i start to urinate i feel a bite in my hand, it was touching the fence. I am really incredibly lucky that I didn't pee on the electric fence, or that I didn't pull out the dong and accidentally touch it to the electric fence. If I did I seriously doubt that I could ever have kids. I cant imagine the pain that would come from that experience, although if someone gives me like 50 bucks i will take a piss on the electric fence. After that we went to the horses, the brown and white Tennessee Walker immediately came over to Maher and started eating stuff out of his hand, so he now has a new friend. The black one just kept his distance as usual. Then we went up and played some video games, until my dad made us go move the ENTIRE corral, in the rain, but it wasnt to bad.
Maher left, I went to subway got a 3.99 roast beef footlong, and head out to the soccer fields, that is when the shit hit the fan. The first thing I see when I pull in is a mid 80's red convertible comfortably parked on top of Duncan Neely's new Mini Cooper. I get out of my car and see two monexican kids wrapped in blankets bleeding a shitload, a third was sitting up with a giant cut above his eye talking on a cell phone. People who saw it said it was crazy, that a car just came roaring through the trees and fence to plant itself on Duncan's car. Some people will hate me for saying this, some people will agree, but I have more sympathy for the poor Mini, it wasn't its fault it was hit by this other non sexy car, but i guess its good no one died, just a broken collarbone and a lot of cuts.
During the soccer game I played for TJ since they didn't have enough players, Chris Hern and freshman called Jesse also played. During the first half I played awesome, had an assist, and a sliding goal, but it was called back because Coach Mac thought i was off when i wasnt, he later apologized. During the second half, sucked ass, fell down a lot, wanted to kill myself and have another donut.
Came home, Maher came over again, watched game 2 of the finals. Kobe Bryant pulled that last 3 point shot out of his ass, Lakers won a VERY good game. Have no fear though, Richard Hamilton and his little plastic mask will have revenge, the Pistons will ride again.

Latest news: Back to Ronald Reagan: I do not want your face on the 10, 20, or the .10. I do not want you on Mount Rushmore, or with your own little statue next to the Washington Monument. You were not a great President, the best thing you ever did was act, if you had stuck to acting, then I would admire you much more. To all the people calling to commemorate you in those ways, you need to get his withered penis out of your ass and realize that he was the originator of the economic plan which made him and his buddies rich, while the economy faltered. He lead our country to a recession in the late 80's, which we never really pulled out of until Clinton, who was a great president economically, beat out Bush Sr. for the election. The bottom line, REAGAN WAS NOT A GREAT FUCKING PRESIDENT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST RAISE A MONUMENT TO WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT BECAUSE HE WAS THE FATTEST PRESIDENT, THAT DESERVES MORE PRAISE THAN THE THINGS REAGAN DID!

My friend Ashley E had a 600 dollar cell phone bill, she welcomes donations.

To the Mini Cooper that was crushed (partly), I would have willingly put myself in the way of that car if it softened to blow to your smooth metallic hide.

Lakers won 99-91 in OT, Kobe Bryant, you are a great basketball player, but you are going to Detroit to play a game, after shooting practically the game winner against Detroit tonight, I doubt you will be living by the end of your stay.

The buffet at Casa Montez is tasty, but is not fit for human consumtion.

I am sore.

George W. Bush, YOU are a FUCKING moron!!

Ben Sheets pitched a nearly perfect game against the best offense in baseball, I salute you. (The game is in the middle of the 16th inning, tied 0-0 as I type) (With a total of 3 fucking hits by Anaheim, 3 hits in 16 innings!!!)

Currently listening to: The Rapture - House of Jealous Lovers


Sorry about the length of this one folks, i had a lot to talk about today, so until next time,

Kiss my ass!
sprint

Jun 7, 2004

Hey now...

Wow, some of those comments got downright idiotic, I really want to know who the moron is who posted those two, and you don't have to register to tell me your name simply press enter at the end of your comment to skip a line then type in your name. To the person who posted the that last comment, I am his/her/it's? Savior, if you haven't yet found the Sprint my child, then come hence to my abode and donate large sums of money to me so that I can put thy soul to calm, listen not to the false prophets of blogging and receive the light that is SPRINT.

Alright, today was pretty cool (after 10 AM), so now all you sarcastic ass-kissers will have something else to make fun of. The morning sucked, I had to be at school by 8:20 for the summer weights vert program, so basically after finding out that my vertical jump was 14 inches, which is PATHETIC, we presumed sprinting and jumping nonstop until it was time to hit the weights, which we then preceded to squat and jump with weights until the clock released us from the pain. After that I felt like a moron, a weak moron, because one: I listened to Coach Miller when he said that the we should all do summer weights, and two: I actually showed up, unlike half of the soccer team who signed up. I say that tomorrow the people who did go should beat Miller down for persuading us to do it, then kick everyone who didn't show up in the jimmy, they should feel the pain we went through (times about 20). After I got home from weights I went swimming in our pool to cool off, and lounged around the house for a couple of hours. Then I decided to go down and visit the horses, these horses were so much fun, they were eating food out of my hand, running around, stepping on my feet, splashing around in the creek, raiding the barn for grain, oh and almost kicking me in the face when I startled them by running after them. So after that my parents decided that we would go have some Ichiban Sushi, which is the best sushi I've had in Joplin, so we go there, I order my usual spicy tuna roll, shiromaguro (albacore), maguro (red tuna?), unagi roll (broiled fresh water eel), and then i tried this awesome roll, on the inside it had mango, asparagus, and unagi, then out the outside it had maguro and avocado rolled around it, it was one hella awesome roll (The Mars Twist). After eating that roll i nearly passed out from pleasure, it was that good, and I do love sushi with a passion, if sushi was a woman, I would do it. So here I am, still in post orgasmic bliss from eating that sushi roll, just pounding away at these keys, which brings me to a question asked.....

How I got the name Sprint:
It all began freshman year, I had just started soccer, I had practically never played before, I was the worst soccer player anyone had ever seen, I couldn't run, kick, goalkeep, do anything. One day during sprints, I came in last, as usual, and people were remarking how it seemed that when I ran, it was in slow motion. So Keenan Page, who i guess I can call a friend, coined the nickname "Sprint", because I was the slowest most goofy runner that anyone can imagine, and there was one thing I couldn't do if my life depended on it, run a sub 6 second 40 yard dash.

Latest News: Ronald Reagan is dead, the world has been mourning for three damn days, get over it, he was just an old guy with alzheimers, if my Grandpa died, no one outside my family would give a rats ass, and he could have run the country better than Reagan. I don't care of John Kerry carries a piece of Reagans hair in his pocket for memory, or that Dubya stepped on his shoe once, so now the shoe is on display at the museum of Natural History, or that they are erecting a statue of Ronald Reagan in place of the Statue of Liberty, he wasn't even all that great of a president, good grief America, pull your heads out of your asses and stop being such lemmings.

That last paragraph really made me feel better.

I really need a back massage, who is willing to give me one. (for free, or in exchange for a massage from me)

It's only 9:45 and I am sleepy, that sushi orgasm really took it out of me.

I am a hypocritical ass.

George W. Bush is a FUCKING moron.

I love sushi.

Soccer game tomorrow, at 5:30 or 7:00....I cant remember which.


Thats all I have for tonight...

Don't do drugs
-*Sprint*-

Jun 6, 2004

Well....

Well, I'm kinda pissed off now, a very good and close friend of mine decided to go to a summer camp with a girl he worships than go see an Incubus (his favorite band) concert with me this summer...thanks a lot buddy, I'm going all alone now, have fun at the camp. You now have no right to EVER call me obsessed about a girl again.

In other news, we got our horses today, a black pony and a dappled Tennessee Walker...they are awesome, I can't wait to ride them around our property. I'll have pics of them up soon, probably tomorrow sometime. I don't really know what to talk about today, I had some shit in mind but then I got pissed off and forgot it....so yeah, we got horses, they are badass....um

Latest news: We got horses

Ronald Reagan died, I liked him much better after he got Alzheimers, im sure he did too, I wouldn't want to remember some of the things he did during his presidency. Although that shows very little respect for the man, who was indeed much more powerful than me, I'm pissed off, so I don't care.

George W. Bush is a FUCKING moron.

I'm out of news.

until tomorrow night,
Make love, not war....

-*Sprint*-

Don't be gay people

You know, I am putting my thoughts on here just for the fun of it, If some assholes want to be gay and bitch about what I say, then at least have the balls to put your name down, if you have a problem with what I write, you don't have to read it, now I'm sure you have a date with my mom somewhere, go have fun...

To you bitching at my poor writing - You write at 3 AM you jackass.
To you bitching at me being sarcastic - You need to realize that I am in fact, being sarcastic, not serious. (que poor writing)
To you bitching at me because it was the middle of the night and I was sober and horny - you've been there too, admit it.
To you being sarcastic - I like your style...
To you who dissed Yakov - He is a cool Russian when he isn't on stage, and may I add, you never met him.
To the person who made the second comment which I accidentally deleted - WTF were you talking about there at the end?!

Before I continue with the rest of the blog, I would like to point out that I am an incredibly sarcastic person when I do write these in the wee hours of the morning, even though it is hard to convey it through writing.

Today: Woke up at about 11:45, got my hair cut, its to short and it sucks...I miss my old hair. After that I went to the Festival of the Four States, got myself some bitchen BBQ and listened to my parents Zimbabwean music band, Kufara, play. Considering it was the hundredth time I had seen it, and the fact I have been to Zimfest three years running so I know what a real marimba band sounds like, it was pretty good. I jacked around at the festival for a few hours, then went home and got ready for work, at work I stood around for 4 hours and made 35 bucks. After work I quickly drove to the Russian party, but got lost since I wasn't given good directions, after searching for half an hour I finally got there, it was pretty cool, you cant really go wrong with 25 drunk Russians. I met up with my old friend Susha there, (who is now 21), and we reminisced about old times when I was 6 and she was 11 and we hung out together in Russia. After talking to her for an hour or so, I snuck my way to the cooler and made off with a bottle of vodka and some other stuff, most of which I'm saving for a good time...after that some friends and I watched Finding Nemo and just hung out...

Latest news: Summer weights program starts monday, at 8 AM......SHIT!

Susha invited me to visit her at Berkley this summer to party and smoke weed, do I dare accept?

I found the zebra moth lying dead on the floor of my room, I buried it in my moms Aloe Vera plants, which I subsequently used on my sunburns.

Many people in this world are dickheads

George W. Bush is a fucking dickhead

My buddies Maher and Marsh sent porn to people from my email address, I need to remember to log off messenger when I'm not home.

Everyone needs to play the Bush game http://www.bushgame.com


until next time peace and prosperity

Jun 5, 2004


This is me, with mostly straight hair, quite crazy Posted by Hello

Jun 4, 2004

Time for round 2

Hello again everyone, if you have come back to read my latest installment, which due to some assholish comments people made, is now less gay and more boring to read....

Today was a fun day, I went to bed at 3:45 this morning, and woke up at about 1 this afternoon, after I woke up I wandered around like a zombie for a little bit, then was chartered by my parents to take my little sister to the house of her best friend, who lives pretty far away, in a house that is so huge you need a house speaker system to communicate with each other, this house was more wired than me after chugging a pot of coffee after a chocolate eating competition. After that I went home and got ready for work, worked for 3 hours, made 25 bucks, and went home to have another boring night, instead my night turned out awesome.

The Night: It started around 9, my good friend Saysan called me and wanted to know if I could pick her and her awesome friend Kelsey up from the mall, I obliged and went on my way to get them. After I picked them up, we decided to go back to Saysan's house for a little bit to figure out what to do for the rest of the night. At about this time my good buddy Maher called, (him and Jennifer are back at I think, which is good, he was depressed)he said he was going over to my house to swim in my pool with my Kenyan brother Marsh and Jennifer, I told them I would be at my house in half an hour. Saysan, Kelsey and I decided to go to McDonald's to get some food and figure out what to do after my house. We go to my house and just sit around for a little bit, there were some awkward moments, I mentioned skinny dipping, but it was a little to cold, and our sauna wasn't burning so it was a no go. So with the Saysan and the Kelsey who were supposed to "go home" we kind of ditched Maher and the crew (sorry about that), and went back to her house, while the M-dog and his posse stayed at my house, without me there. Back at Saysans house we got the idea to go to IHOP (I love thee IHOP), so they changed and got ready, then we decided to straighten my hair, which got crazy!...and I told Saysan I would let her give me a makeover sometime soon, (she wants to dye my hair blonde!) then we set off for IHOP, and planned on meeting the Maher crew there. At IHOP we ran into some friends who were stoned and drunk, they were pretty funny, of course its only funny when you arent stoned or drunk, even when you want to be but there wasnt anything left. We got our food and talked then I dropped off Saysan and Kelsey at home and came here......

it was much more fun than it sounds on the glowing screen in front of you, believe me....but what did I say about making my posts less exciting...

To Maher: I'm sorry about ditching you twice tonight, but I had fun and that's what matters.

Latest news:
I am getting my hair trimmed tomorrow, wish me luck, I doubt it will go down without a fight.

Tomorrow night, after work, that great Russian comedian from Branson is coming up, yes I'm talking about Yakov, he is coming to party with a bunch of my parent's Russian friends, this phenomenon is also known as an alcohol fest, when you get this many crazy Russians together, vodka quickly replaces the water in the body of most and great times ensue. This is awesome, I will get to meet Yakov, drink with Yakov, tell jokes with Yakov, possibly have sex with Yakov (I'm just kidding don't take me seriously), and then when all the Russians are totally trashed, make off with about 12 bottles of vodka, which they wont notice missing...

The zebra moth disappeared tonight, I fear it is dead.

Starting next Monday I have no hours for that entire week, those god damn ass-clowns are starting to piss me off with the lack of hours.

George W. Bush is a fucking moron

My check engine light came on tonight, not good news considering I have a road trip next weekend. (Thank you Jon, your car is a piece!)



I love you all, peace,
Sprint

Me Posted by Hello

Hello

This is the first posting of my blog, to anyone who reads it I hope you enjoy...

Today started like any other normal day, my parents unlocked my room and un-handcuffed me from my bed, the beatings weren't quite as bad today, I think that the broken ribs from last month are mostly healed, (that's the last time I ever touch the refridgerator, although the extra carrot stick I stole tided me over for a week), it has been two years since I've been outside, of course that is because I made a mad dash for the street, hoping to escape from them, I do miss the warmth of the sun on my skin........but enough of my boring life on to the important stuff...

I am Sprint, 16 years old, I live in Joplin MO, soon to be Jr. in High School, enjoying summer vacation as best I can since I now have a job...I do many things in my free time that any typical teenager would do, (except masterbation, that got old in about 7th grade)....
Things I do:
1) Play guitar/bass - Been playing bass since 7th grade, guitar for about 3 months...not that good yet, but ill get better, was in a band, we sucked and broke up
2)Play soccer - Its how I earned the name sprint, been playing since Freshman year, I was probably the worst/slowest player ever, hence the name Sprint...this year I hope to start JV....and considering how much better I've gotten its a possibility, I basically live for soccer now, it is an obsession...
3)Work as a busboy, not all that exciting, waiters tip me out, that's cool
4)Work around my house, parents make me (tending pool, horses, building fences)....ok, I'm rich
5)Hang out with friends, (I pay them :) )
6)Party, an essential part of living
7)Go to IHOP at 3 AM, at least twice a week, I shoot for more (usually after parties)
8)Remain single, yes this is a thing I do
9)Listen to a lot of music, composing 82% rock (all types), 2% classical, 2% blues, 2% rap, 10% techno......music, partying and soccer are what I strive for
10)Travel a lot....but not recently....my travels have taken me to 40 states, Canada (not that bad, legal pot, even though I grew out of that phase a few years ago), Russia, Sri Lanka, and India
11)Chew my fingernails....bad habit, need to break


there are many more things, if I continue this blog long enough you will hear them sometime

Recent News:

My good buddy Maher and his girlfriend broke up, he is very distraught, I feel really bad for him, so everyone give him a little love.

Summer soccer has started, very good news....

I'm still single

There is a really cool looking Zebra patterned moth fluttering on my computer screen, quite pretty

My buddy Thomas is going to visit family around the country, good luck on your travels

George Dubya Bush is a fucking moron

Its been 5 days since I've been to IHOP, withdrawal setting in

After reading what I have written it appears I have ADHD



basically I've introduced you to me, if you read all this I'm sorry, check back tomorrow night for updates....I'm ready to go to bed, or do something constructive, so until next time........peace