Wow.
Its been a long time since I posted on here. I don't know what drove me to return to my lost and long forgotten blog, but here I am...four years older and not nearly as cute.
Reading over my old posts brings forth a disgusted but nostalgic feeling. Was I really that young? Was I really that immature? Did I really think I was funny? I wish I could say that I am a wiser person than I once was, but I'm afraid it isn't the case. Four long years of drug, alcohol, and academic abuse have left me more cynical and depressed than ever. I can't even remember a single significant event that happened when I was sixteen, other than losing my virginity...and I don't even remember her name. Is this what I've come to? Attempting to reminisce about the good old days of puberty? Shoot me now.
God how the times have changed. One of my last posts was just before the presidential election in 2004...and it feels like I'm just waking up from a four year nightmare. I can honestly say that nothing good has happened to me since then. College is nothing but drunken shell of the idealism it once used to embody. I'm going to be honest, I didn't go to college to get an education. Before I even applied I already knew everything I ever wanted to...I just wanted to party. Countless wasted hours later, I have finally realized that the only way to really get an education is to go out into the world and figure shit out on my own...jesus, my dad was right. Mark Twain once wrote something along the lines of 'When I was fourteen my father was so ignorant that I wanted to run away and live like Huck Finn, but when I was twenty one I couldn't believe how much he had learned in seven years...' While that is obviously not what he really said, I am too lazy to use the god of the internet (thats google for those of you who haven't seen the light) to find the actual quote, but you know what I'm trying to say. I was stupid and didn't listen because I thought I knew everything...and I did. I have known my father has been right for years, but I have willingly chosen to not listen. I don't know why. I'll ask a psychiatrist someday and get a wrong answer.
In the meantime I'll keep drinking beer, writing in my revived blog and lamenting the fact that I can't commit myself to anything.
My whole life up to this point has been a failure...and I don't see it changing anytime soon. I keep making up these bullshit dreams for myself even though I know that none of them will ever come true. For example: I want to someday become a United States Senator because I feel like the system is royally fucked up and I think I can change it. That is the line I keep spouting off to any authority figure who I come in contact with. They think that I have dreams, I know that its just an excuse. I recently joined my university's school government with the hopes of furthering my phantom future political career. I thought that getting to play government, and act like a leader would make people more likely to believe me when I told them my delusions of grandeur. It took me about a week to realize that school government is a total fucking joke. I showed up to about two meetings before the powers to be decided I should be a "committee chairman" because I showed dedication by not skipping meetings. Even though I didn't know shit about budgets, they made me the chairman of the budget committee. Its a crying fucking shame that college students have gotten so apathetic that I, one of the laziest people I know (second only to my friend Chris), am considered a motivated leader...which I guess means there will never be another revolution because the youth doesn't give a damn.
Oh well, I guess this is the end of my hiatus...which is probably a bad thing.
I'm tired.
Good night.
P.S. Don't spam me, I will hunt you down and kick your ass.
