Jul 28, 2004

Its a bird, its a plane, its Courtney Love...fuck

This post is 6 days old, I needed to stick it up before i work on a new one.

Well, I had an interesting revelation last night, I looked at that picture I posted of me looking like the better half of a monkeys ass, and I realized I kinda looked like Courtney fucking Love herself. The queen of drug and alcohol abuse herself, the psycho bitch who killed one of the most influential rock stars ever. I look like Courtney Love in all her drunken, blonde headed, ugly ass bitchy hoe glory (minus the rather impressive breasts), honestly I feel like jumping off the Twin Towers, but to bad they are gone.  After 10 minutes of seeing my hair blonde, I realized that I had just made a HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE! The interesting thing was, I had Sampson like powers with the ladies before I got it dyed, I could fling my hair around like Fabio, but now I am like a simple trailer park trash Fabio, life sucks.

Saturday: I don't remember what happened Saturday, I wrote a bunch of junk down on my little notepad, but I don't remember which things happened on which days, so for Saturday lets just say I was at the Playboy Mansion partying with the Hef. Oh wait, I think that Saturday was also my last day of work at that shit hole also known as Casa Montez, I am finally free from the constraints of work, wait, I suddenly have a $700 car bill to pay? FUCK!!

Sunday: Sunday was the fateful day I had my hair dyed, it started out normal, then Saysan showed up with PERMANENT BLEACH. Like a moron I let her and Anissa go ahead and have their way with my luscious locks, turning them me into the white, trailer park trash, meth dealer I am today. Instead of having nice sandy blonde hair, it ended up orangish and not all that smooth...

Monday: Monday I woke up bright and early to go to soccer camp at 8:30 AM, lets just say that people were stupefied by the change I had gone through, the first things out of coach Mac's mouth were, "Sprint! How is the meth lab going", at that point I broke down and started crying, remembering how cruel coach Mac really is.  We ran our asses off in the 90 degree 10 o'clock heat and it was great, I miss soccer, even though I am so bad at it I wouldn't qualify for the Special Olympics soccer team. Maher and I took my car to the mechanic to get it checked out, and I awaited my call the next day...

Tuesday: Soccer camp again, lots of running, and sometime during the mix of it all I got a phone call from the mechanic, the wiring in my car was melted into one giant ball of plastic and slag, also known as: Your car is incredibly
fucked up and we are going to overcharge your ass for the repair. Their estimate was 300-700 dollars, I figured that wasn't all that bad to have the car fixed and be able to be free to drive around on my own again without trouble, I told the mechanic "Go for it." Which also means: I know you are overcharging me for this repair, but I don't give a rats posterior.  The rest of the day was a total and complete blur, I remember sleeping a lot, and Thomas was there a lot of the time.

Wednesday: Well since soccer camp was all week, just assume I went, and I would like to thank the people supporting me with rides during all this, just remember you all still owe me until my car is fixed or I buy a new one.  That day after soccer Shayan, Thomas, and I all decided to go see Spiderman 2 at 1:30. So I just head out with Thomas, we get to the theater all excited. Watched the previews, were incredibly stoked, I applauded and cheered when the opening credits came on and got dirty looks from the other 2 and a half people in the theatre, other than our little clique. (they were old, so they probably were giving me a dirty look anyways) I was so incredibly stoked for the movie, waiting to see Spiderman kick the living hell out of a rather chubby man with mechanical arms, which are somehow immune to magnetism and heat...After about 10 minutes I found out this movie was corny, incredibly corny,  in fact, it had more corn  than Fat Bastard's crap. So after some buildup, and a subplot of Spiderman's powers diminishing, with not as much action as I wanted, I started to get a little disappointed. So at the end of the movie, I was saddened by the fact there was not as much action as there seemed to be in the preview, and that it focused more on Peter Parkers love life. If I wanted to see a movie about love, I would watch Cold Mountain. If I want to see a movie about Spiderman, I want to see him kicking bad guys ass nonstop, although I do like the way it set itself up for a sequel, hopefully the creators read this and say "this little shit is right, it needs more action" After that Thomas and I met up with Maher at the Chexican, the new chinese/mexican place (where the sombrero meets the samurai, even though they are Japanese) I was surprised to find out that Patricia Pham works there, and in fact her extended PHAMily (nice pun, thanks maher) own the place. So we all chilled there and then were incredibly sick later in the night, for some reason Mexican and Chinese food at the same buffet table sounds much less appeasing after you have eaten it.

Thursday: Lets see, we went to the chexican again for team bonding, I feel like a moron, I've felt bad all day. I got a call from the mechanic and they had some important information for me about my little rice burning car...the repair would cost over 1200 dollars. I told them to stop repairs, I would pay for the diagnosis, and the half hour they had put into it already (103 bucks), I drove it home and parked it underneath a tree, waiting for someone (me) to crawl underneath and pull out basically every bit of wiring, then pull out the dashboard and all that wiring, then completely fuck up, i mean rewire the whole thing. So basically I am without a car until I can get my ass into gear and try to fix it.  Lets see, that was like 6 days ago, I really don't remember anything else from that day except that the soccer team went to the Chexican

 

Alright, all that shit is old news,  meant to be posted 6 days ago...I will update sometime in the next couple of days about the badass weekend in KC.







Jul 22, 2004


I look a bit like courtny love, if you can't tell I am the one on the right. Posted by Hello

Jul 20, 2004


This is me in my white trash meth dealer fullness. Honestly about as hot as I can get with this bleached hair... Posted by Hello

Jul 17, 2004

Life blows my balls

The past few days have basically blown my ass, other than a couple of perks, they have sucked more than Jenna Jamison at the end of a 60 hour work week. Now if you know how much sucking that is, pat yourself on a back, you are a grade-A pervert who needs to get off the computer and stop jacking off to the 23 porn websites you subscribe to. In other opening news, the website that hosts my wonderful free blog has added word processing tools in a nice orderly taskbar above my text, what the hell, what took those motherfuckers so long, I learned all the basic HTML tools I needed to get the desired results I wanted, and now you offer the easy way, I knew Big Brother was watching me...(the fucker). Anyways, on to my bitching and moaning about the (now) past few shitty days I've had.
 

*WARNING*
Long post ahead
 
 
Tuesday: Maher and I spent 2 glorious hours at Ichiban Sushi, we ate and watched the guy win his first million on Jeopardy, then ate a little more, since it was all sushi, I practically had an orgasm after every bite (thank you Unagi), and it was damn good. About 6 hours later I was getting ready to go to a birthday party for Chris Pena out at Tommy's. When Shayan calls me and trys to play Joe Cool by acting like he isn't at the party, and he doesn't know about it. Nice try you crazy Persian bastard, I had already been told by people you were there, and I had already known about it 3 days in advance. You forget I go to nearly every party they throw. Then Maher called and told me that the party was out of alcohol, so I brought my rather large stash. After about 20 minutes at the party, all the alcohol I had hidden in the back room suddenly disappeared after many of the JHS students who showed up to the party left. After a small search party combed the house, I got a report that a fatass motherfucker named Alex Johnson had stolen the alcohol I brought. In fact, someone had stopped him at the door and asked him why he was taking it from the party, he had said it was his, the catch was he hadn't brought any. So this with an incredibly generic name is running around with my booze, consisting of 1 bottle of Captain Morgan's, 1 bottle of Absolut vodka, and 1 bottle of Baccardi 151 (aka expensive shit that gets you fucked up fast). So began the shitty days ahead.
 
Wednesday: I woke up bright and early at 11:30 to go to the orthodontist (the same one who has a street named after him near where I live). I got there sat in the chair and watched "I Love the 90's: 1992", whilst they put the bottom braces on my lips in their second effort to kill me in a benign manner by having the braces cut my lips until i bleed to death. Then suddenly between clips of MC Hammer and Ross Perot it hit me, all the pieces began to fall into place. Why else would they name a road after an orthodontist that does nothing but lead to a Cracker Barrel (they sell t-shirts) and a strip mall that contained nothing but clothing stores, the orthodontists were controlled by the fashion mafia. There are only two pieces of evidence that I need (and have) to expose the truth...
1) Braces make people look ugly, so then they go out and buy everything they can to make themselves look beautiful, and to hide the fact they have 3 pounds of metal glued to their pearly whites.
2) The 3-5 days after receiving braces it makes it impossible to eat anything more solid than high quality H2O due to the fact that your mouth is to cut up and your teeth to sure chew anything. Thus people notice that they lose from 5-10 pounds during those days, sparking an anorexic craze in people so that they can fit into the latest rage in clothing, which they only make in size XXS. 
It is simply another ploy by the fashion (and anorexia) mafia to control us into buying their textiles. For more information and proof that the fashion mafia is behind everything, go here.
Nothing else interesting happened that day, I ate my last solid meal about an hour after the orthodontist and overdosed on Ibeprofun whilst at work. (It fucks with your mind man)
 
Thursday:  I just now realized that was yesterday, and that I forgot to take out the damn trash, I am surprised my dad hasn't cut off my other testicle for not doing it yet...Well Thursday was uneventful until about 7 o'clock, when i get a call from a Saysan asking for a ride from Kelsey's house to her house, I obliged, for the right price, and went on out there to pick them up. When I got there they were like, "Hurry up, we need to get out to Shadow Lake before 9, because they close at 12", I said "Who is taking you to Shadow Lake", she said "Why you are". After that there was a long awkward pause, then I asked them how much they would pay me, needless to say, it wasn't enough. I took them to Saysan's house to get ready, then quickly went to Dioko's to give Jessica Johnson her present, and then teleported back to Saysan's to pick them up. Somehow I ended up driving 4 incredibly hot girls, in my car, around for about 30 minutes (it was already 9 by that point), until we made our way over to Nick "Fake Jew" Lawson's house, him and Keenan were going too. Finally at about 10:30 we got on the road, and somehow it ended up that Maher was following us there. After the 45 minute drive to Noel, we got out of the car, and then Kelsey proceeded to lock my keys in the back seat. So we went in and started partying anyways, I was incredibly preoccupied with the thought of how to get my keys out of my damn car to dance at all, it was a shame, because i could have chosen nearly any of the ugly slutty girls showing off their not to impressive bodies there. After 45 minutes they kicked everyone the hell out of there and we were all stuck on the street, until some girl overdosed on ecstasy and began to stop breathing and start thrashing out and overheating. Then we had 13 separate cop cars show up, 2 fire trucks, and 3 ambulances, needless to say, everyone scrambled to get the hell out of Noel, while me and my little party were stuck outside my car trying to break in.  After two hours and having all the incredibly huge and strong security guys try to use a clothes hanger to open it up, and nearly opting for the "break the motherfucking window" plan a few times, we finally were able to hook my keys and pry my door open enough to pull them out.  By this time it was 2 am and the girls talked me into driving 80 mph on the way home. We got back to Ashley and Andrea Burgee's house, and dropped them off, I stopped inside for a minute to get a drink of water. By the time I got back outside the first thing I noticed was that my lights were on,  I called myself a dumbass and proceeded to get inside and start the car. The first thing I noticed was that my keys weren't in the ignition and something under the hood was running, at this point I yelled "POLTERGEIST" and started running myself, after I had been coaxed back to my car, I got inside and noticed something that was fucked up. The light switch was off, and the right turn signal indicator was perpetually on, not blinking or bling blinging, but just a solid on. At about this point I said to myself, "what the hell is going on", then I noticed the cell phone charger plugged into the broken cigarette lighter and I knew at that point my car was incredibly fucked. I started my car, and it sounded like it was going to just roll over and die like Marlon Brando. I ended up driving Saysan and Kelsey over to Damien's house, and then sat there and tried to think out my dilemma, my headlights were perpetually on, as was my right turn signal/parking light, something had fried my entire wiring inside my car, which would've been the cell phone charger plugged into the cigarette lighter, because Mazda's are basically one big computer, it is all wires. My engine was on its last dying gasps because I had driven 80 mph for 35 miles, which my car can not handle, since it is packing about as much power as a push lawnmower underneath the hood. I limped my car home and unplugged the battery, hoping that the repairs wouldn't cost anything more than me giving road head to the mechanic, because I currently don't have the money to pay for the repairs. Oh yeah, the AC broke too.
 
Friday: I slept in till 3, and tried to kill myself by suffocating me with a pillow, if it worked in "One Flew Over the Coo-Coo's Nest" then it should work with me, the problem was i only had my scrawny ass arms, and not a 350 pound indian on top of me, so needless to say it didn't work.  At 5 I went to work and dredged through the rest of the day until now. My car is sitting out in front of my house with the battery unplugged since that is the only thing which will keep the headlights off, and it doesn't like to run like it did, when it is standing still it seems to cough like a lifetime chain smoker, and shake like Muhammad Ali. So I desperately need donations for the repairs...
 
Latest News: One good thing that happened the past few days was I made out with two chicks at the same time. Cue Office Space, "If you had a million dollars what would you do?" "Two chicks at the same time"...Woo hoo, I was halfway there with 13 dollars!!
 
RARG I'VE GOT AIDS, BEASTMAN AIDS!!!
Sorry, i have that CKY song Skelator Vs. Beastman stuck in my head...
 
Want to learn about everything about drugs in America?
 
I want to move to Norway, and I don't fucking know why...
 
I trust guys with longer hair than shorter hair, my reason being, every single crooked business executive has short hair, Alex Johnson had short hair, Jesus *supposedly* had long hair (even though I consider myself agnostic, I trust the true message he taught even though no one truly follows it, and if he did, i trust him), guys with longer hair are more generally stoners than guys with short hair, you can trust stoners to be stoners, stoners are generally to stoned to even attempt to screw you over, mullets, and last but not least most football players have short hair, whilst many soccer players wear their hair long!!
 
That was fucked up...

I am so fucking cursed when it comes to air conditioning, first my house AC, now my car AC, who wants to bet when we get back to school, because of my karma the AC will be fucked up.
 
Mcdonald County bans nude canoeing.
 
For the nude canoeing association webpage click here
  
Currently Listening to: Better Than Ezra - Good
 
Currently eating: Nothing, my mouth still fucking hurts
 
Currently smelling: Old Spice mixed with the oily remains of what got on my face at Casa Montez, nasty...
 
Currently reading: Filthy's review of Anchorman
 
Currently worshipping: Yes its sad, Gabe, you taught me the html I needed to add links, making this website much more enjoyable.
 
Current Number of Stalkers: 3
 
George W. Bush, you and your little dog Rumsfeld are fucking morons, seeing how you are an alcoholic, I am surprised you haven't tried to drink him yet, since his name starts with RUM...
 
Peace, Suicide, Sprint
 


Jul 11, 2004

I'm Rockin' the Suburbs

Alright people still reading my blog, I am going to start updating more often, because the magic is kinda gone when I don't....

Thursday: I forgot what I did Thursday, strange...
Friday: I went to work, showed up an hour late, that is the exact same shit that got me fired from Shakey's. Other than that I don't remember either...i must be getting alzheimers, shit...
Saturday: I went to Hastings and got a birthday present for Jessica, went to work, again, then after that Kristy called me and told me about a bitchen party out in Silver Creek. I went on out there, got directions through the maze that was out there, nearly died when the road sharply turned. After I got to the party many of my McAuly and TJ friends were there, we all hung out for a long time and had fun, it was good. After that I found my way home and then went over to Caitlin's for a bit, then went home.
Sunday: Slept in to about 3:30, then went to work at 5, talked to Kristy for a bit, and now here I sit, life fucking rocks doesn't it?

In my last post I promised to tell everyone about Jim and Irina, completely different people, with fucked up stories...

Jim: He has been my dads friend for many years, since they both lived in Lincoln. Jim is an incredibly interesting person, he is an intense chain smoker, goes through maybe 2 packs a day. He claims to be psychic, and is always telling us about his strange visions, or his encounters with ghosts. He is the biggest conspiracy theorist on this side of of the Mason Dixon Line, he is pretty much second only to my cousin who lives in Portland and was perpetually on heroin for about 12 years of his life. Jim never wears deodorant, and it gets so fucking nasty, that if you are down wind from him you pass out. Jim visited us about two years ago, and brought his wife Mary, who apparently was also incredibly psychic, yet she couldn't foresee her own death. She died on out property whilst they were staying here taking care of the animal, it is strange, because Jim says he sees her ghost on our property when he is here, yet I have never seen a fucking poltergeist, so i think that Jim has just done to many drugs, or his perpetually body odor has affected his brain. Other than all of that, Jim is a very cool guy, and he is pretty hip with the happenings, when he isn't linking them to aliens, psychics, ghosts, black magic, and the dark side of the CIA.

Irina:
My dad met Irina when we were in Russia when I was 6. They had an affair, my mom found out, and my parents almost broke up and they had a long drawn out 3 year hate each other period. Then something weird happened, my mom and Irina became very good friends, in fact, they were like best friends, and it created a love triangle between them. Now, since they are all over 50, you can imagine that is some NASTY ASS SHIT. I walked in on them all once, watching a fucking porno, and rubbing each other, I mean come on, these are my damn parents and this Russian lady that had an affair with my dad when I was 6. So basically I really don't like her, I don't care how much of a nice lady she is. Because of her and my dad, I practically cried myself to sleep every night because I was afraid my dad was going to run off with Irina, and leave me and my mom. Irina is a badass cook, I will admit that, she can fuck my dad all she wants as long as she cooks me a real meal, not this vegetable shit my mom makes. Irina cooks some hardcore Russian food, that and cleaning the kitchen is all she is good for.

Latest news: I put in my 2 weeks notice at Casa Montez, which made me incredibly happy, I am now going to be rid of that smoky grease pit. The most unmexican Mexican restraunt ever, it is a fucking MexiCANT!!

I think i set a record for saying the word "fuck" in this post, i don't know why i even feel like using it so much tonight.

I am still a fucking Japanese cowboy.

Bobby Buffets ex girlfriend tried to add me on that annoying Hi5 shit (it breeds stalkers), i didn't let her because she has more of a moustache than me...

I lost my drivers license, so basically I am not legal to drive right now.

I stopped by that little "party" store by Hastings, and I expected to pick up some hardcore party stuff, I walk in there and ask for a few things, the conversation went a little like this:
Sprint: Um, hey, can you point me in the direction of the kegs? I looked all over the store, I figured they would be between the cards and the candy, but I couldn't find them...
Worker: Excuse me sir? I don't believe we sell those...
Sprint: Oh alright, so can you show me where the beer bongs are, the closest thing I saw were these little funnel like things for blowing into and filling balloons...
Worker: What is a beer bong? (she was about 50)
Sprint: Never mind that, do you sell shot glasses, I am looking for triple shots, a friend of mine is having a party tonight, and he is a little low on shot glasses...
Worker: Sir, this isn't a liquor store, we sell goods for parties.
Sprint: God, what kind of parties do old people throw?! In that case, what can I buy here?
Worker: Would you like a bouquet of balloons?
Sprint: Can I get just one balloon?
Worker: Yes you can, the cost is $.79.
Sprint: Alright, I'll just take one of those, and this birthday card for my friend Jessica.
So basically that "party" store, isn't for parties at all, they sell no alcohol, and no alcohol periphanelia, the closest I could get would be plastic cups...

Currently listening to: The New Pornographers - From Blown Speakers

Currently reading: http://www.collegehumor.com/ (Gabe i need help putting links on here, my lack of html knowledge is fucking killing me on the template)

Currently eating: Some damn good mushroom shit Irina made, she needs to come to the US more often, then I could actually gain some damn weight.

Currently talking to: Chelsey, Steph, Brittany

Dick Cheney is fucking scary, and George W. Bush is a fucking moron.


Peace, New Porno, Sprint...


Jul 7, 2004

5 day hiatus

It has been 5 long days since I last updated, and they have been some of the most crazy days of the summer so far. I have been to busy to update recently, and this will be a long post, just a warning, I will break it up into days for convenience.
Saturday: On Saturday, Maher came over in the afternoon, and we went out to get some sushi, on the way out we made the fateful decision to talk to my dad, and Maher said the most stupid thing which I have ever heard in my life. As a joke, he said "The best way to punish Aaron would be to take away his cell phone." My dad instantly agreed and took the cell phone from Maher's outstretched hands, so as of right now, I still don't have my cell phone back, and am currently suffering from cell phone withdrawal. Later, I went to work, it was very easy and fun for some reason, after that I rushed on over to a Russian party that my parents friends were having, so began the fun. At the party there were a lot of people, most of them I had never met, and didn't bother even trying to talk to since they were Russian, old, and drunk; whilst I was 16, American, and sober. There were a couple of exceptions, such as the 16 year old, incredibly fine Russian girl who spoke no English whatsoever, but tried to talk to me nonetheless, it involved a lot of shaking of the head and pointing at various objects. So then her mom thought I would make a great tutor for this hot Russian girl, who spoke no English, I immediately, (being male), thought it was a great idea, the only problem was I don't know any Russian. So I have no been chartered as a tutor to a Russian girl my age, and neither one of us can speak the others language...this will be a lot of fun. Also at the party there was a LOT of alcohol, and I managed to sneak some out, but it disappeared the next night very fast I'm sad to say...The main selling point of this party was not the alcohol, or the Russian girls, or even the two young American girls, it was the $6,000 dollars worth of fireworks that the host of the party had bought. He had everything that shot out flaming balls high into the sky, he had them set up into 3 stations, the giant boxes filled with gunpowder, the artillery shells, and the incredibly giant boxes filled with gunpowder. I was running the artillery shell section, and there were a lot of them, 14 different tubes to be exact, and I had to keep them going nonstop. Needless to say, the fourth one i put in was upside down, and I didn't realize it until I saw the sparks fly up into the air, and no giant buttplug rocketed out. I was maybe right next to it when that happened, and I just stood frozen for a second and thought to myself, "I am SO fucked", so after the second of fear, I simply dove away in the first clear direction, suddenly there was a huge flash, and a giant boom, and little flaming balls started flying in every direction. When the explosion occurred I was about 3 feet away, and the little flaming balls shot right at me, somehow I got incredibly lucky, and they just burned the hell out of my arm and my work shirt, if I had not been wearing a shirt, I would've had more than just 5 places where the flaming balls stuck to my skin. So when I got up, half of the tubes were completely vaporized, and my ears were ringing so loud I couldn't hear the explosions from the other two stations that were shooting at the same time. Needless to say, the show went on, and I simply sucked up the pain from the burn and kept on burning up that rich man's money.

Sunday:Sunday morning started off with a huge storm, one which I like to call Hurricane Sprint. It woke me up at about 6:50, and I put some clothes on, and just went outside to watch the storm which i named after myself, it was actually quite a beautiful sight, seeing the trees ripped to splinters, the wind howling in every direction, the hail pounding my car, it rocked. I guess god was a little pissed about the fact that his firework plan didn't kill me, (I'm to quick bitch), the storm subsided after about a half an hour, the sun came out, and all was happy again. After that I went back to sleep, and woke up again around 1, walked down to Jorn and Anissa's house and we all decided to go pick up to bottles of alcohol which he had taken from the gigantic stash that was left when My Club went down, (their parents owned it), the problem was it was way out in Carl Junction at their grandmothers house, so we all decided to go out and pick it up. When we got there, the bottles were missing, and we didn't want to leave empty handed, so we decided to break into her garage, and make off with some liquor. So after about 10 minutes of unsuccessful attempts, I decided to get a ladder, and climb up to the attic window. After I made it up there, I simply punched through the screen, ripped it out, and did a pull-up to get up by the window, then I somehow wriggled myself through the 1 foot wide opening and climbed down to the ground floor, where I was greeted by the sight of more alcohol in one place than I had ever seen, other than in a liquor store, which this could've passed for. I quickly opened a window and we scrambled inside and made off with 8 full bottles of alcohol, 4 Baccardi of various types, 2 Whiskeys, 1 vodka, and one tequila. After that we high-tailed it out of there, since we had just broke and entered a...shed. So yes, I robbed a grandmother, am I more of a badass for doing so? I don't know but i can now say I robbed a fucking grandmother. (Although my mom is older than their grandmother, it was a storage shed, she doesn't drink, and she probably would've given us some if she had been home and we had asked.) After that, we all chilled and watched Anger Management for a bit, then I waited till about 9 o'clock and went out to Eric's house for the party he was supposed to be having. I got there and there were no cars, so I knew something was up, Alex was in the driveway and he told me that the party had been moved to Carthage. I had brought a bottle of Baccardi Limon which we had taken earlier in the day. So we drove all the way out to Carthage, and the party was at this HUGE ASS mansion, with a bunch of people I didn't know besides the ones I showed up with, and Katherine and Lauren. They decided to kick all the people under 21 out after a bit, so we got one of the older guys to buy us two twelve packs, and we all headed back to Tommy's where a nice sized party brewed. At Tommy's we lit off some fireworks and had a good time until i went home...

Monday:Monday I slept in to about 12, and then Maher came over for a bit, we shot off some fireworks, and then we went down to Jorn's and shot off some more fireworks until Jorn's dad thought it would be funny to hit us with bottle rockets, repeatedly, those little fuckers hurt when they hit you, and I ruined my second shirt on the wonderful holiday dedicated to blowing shit up. So we all ran up to my house and called Jonnah, she told us that Eric was having a party, and that we should all go over there. So we all went into my car and showed up at a bitchen party. Maher and Jorn took my car to get some of the liquor which we took from the grandma, (god i can't believe i stole from a grandmother), and I stayed there and met some people, namely Whitney and Samantha from Willard, they were really cool girls, and we talked for a long time. Then someone had the wonderful idea to play a little Circle of Death, and awesome drinking game, I joined in figuring, I was well overdue for a drinking game, and joined in, it was a lot of fun. Basically for the rest of the night I just talked to people outside until Jorn got sick and I had to take him home, I am also never taking Jorn to a party again, he is a chain-smoking alcoholic moron, and the little pecker puked on my car. After we got him home, Maher and I headed back to the party for a bit, then went home and slept for the huge day that was coming, Worlds of Fun day.

Worlds of Fun day: I woke up bright, early, and hungover. Maher and Hannah came and we started the long trek up to north KC to get to the world where fun times are scarce the 8th time you have been there. The second ride we rode got us soaked (it was new, and really cool though), the Orient Express was gone, and it was 5 dollars for a wimpy hamburger. Other than that, we all had a great time, being with your friends only, with no one looking over your shoulder and keeping you in check, we could do anything. Basically we rode every ride in the park once or twice, and the Mamba 4 times, it was great. Another high point of the trip was watching the two sparrows have sex on top of a sign while in line for the Mamba. They were really going at it, and it was actually kind of sick, because I could see the bird's vagina, and it was loose, so the male bird must've been carrying quite a package, he was a regular Rasputin. I don't really want to go into to much detail here, but I will say that they tried doggy style and missionary, the train took off before the moneyshot though. The trip was a lot of fun, and we had a great time, even though we could've used a fourth person so I wouldn't have to ride alone on the roller coaster, but it was all good. We all came home and were incredibly tired, but Maher and I visited Caitlin and her friend, watched some family guy, and went home to bed.

Today: I sat around and did nothing, Irina my parents friend is staying with us from Russia, and my dad's friend Jim came to visit for a bit from New Mexico, I will talk about them later, they are interesting individuals...


I am going to skip a funny section and a latest news section for today, since I wrote a fucking novel for the rest of it, so if you are looking for the part where I try to be funny, bite me you no talent ass clown. So don't wake me I plan on sleeping in...
Peace, The Postal Service, Sprint

Jul 4, 2004


That is the burn from having an artillary shell blow up 2 feet away from me. It may look small and insignifigant, but it is a deep burn and hurts like hell, if I hadn't been wearing a shirt, my whole arm would be like that..and yes, you guess it, I am really just doing this as an excuse to show me topless...but I will tell the entire story of that crazy night in my next post, stay tuned. Posted by Hello

Jul 2, 2004

Damn you...

Well, I finally return after a two day absence, just letting the quotes sink in, and be laughed at. So the past couple of days have been eventful to say the least. Wednesday I went to weights, then chilled around the house, went to work, and made 30 bucks, which is pretty good for a Wednesday night. This morning I simply decided to skip weights and sleep in, well I forgot about my dads incredibly gay 8:00 wake up rule. As it was, I ended up moving huge fucking logs of wood, then cut them up, then move them some more, and I was moving wood for 5 hours because our neighbors decided to give us 3 whole trees. Why the hell didn't I go to weights, then I could've skipped out on most of it by saying I was to tired and sore to help. So I ended up getting a much worse workout, and hurting my back from lifting the 80 pound logs which my dad didn't want to cut smaller so we could "save gasoline and stick it to George". The only way I was able to escape the torture of moving wood for 3 more hours was to say I had errands to run, then I basically went and parked my car around the block and took a nap. After that I headed out to soccer practice, needless to say the field was soaked from the rain, so we took it indoors and had a bitchen time playing indoor, to bad only 10 people showed up. So today was shitty up until about 7:30.

So for today's funny section I decided to make up a list, the list shall be entitled:
10 Things I will NEVER do again.
1. Allow my penis or any projectiles from it near an electric fence.
2. Fall asleep at the wheel while going 75 mph on a highway.
3. Add the strange white powder which I *think* is sugar to my iced tea, I need to remember that this is my house, and any strange white powders are probably not legal in the United States.
4. Bet someone 20 bucks that I can beat them in Rochambeau.
5. Go to work hungover (not that funny, but I am NEVER doing it again)
6. Wake up next to a hermaphrodite... (don't laugh about your mom)
7. Hit on a fat, ugly girl.
8. Hit on a fat, ugly guy
9. Anything from the list I posted after being hit in the balls. (Having sex, getting an erection, etc.)
10. Show up at a black rally dressed as a ghost, just because I can.

Latest news: The Incubus concert draws nearer.

There is an irresistibly cute purebred Bloodhound running around our neighborhood, he is homeless, and loves to follow me around when I walk outside, seeing how I live in the south, I am simply waiting for a fatass drunk farmer carrying a sawed off 12 gauge to come looking for a "coon-dog" named Shiloh....

Does anyone else remember that gay book they made us read in like 4th grade?

I want to see Spiderman 2, donations for my ticket are accepted.

I would like to ask for a tribute to Ronald Reagan here, the man who gave us Saddam Hussein, and Osama Bin Laden, thank you very much Mr. Reagan, have a great afterlife, in hell you corporate bloodsucker...

Currently listening to: The Who - Magic Bus

Currently eating: Toothpaste, pretty tasty...

Currently smelling: I have no fucking idea what that smell is, but it isn't good.

Currently craving: Some IHOP, I am suffering IHOP withdrawal.

Currently talking to: Brittany and her friend Kristin

Peace, morning wood, Sprint